For years I have come across recipe after recipe for some delicious looking beef short ribs that left my mouth watering. Finally, I broke through the laziness and fear of wasting 30 bucks worth of meat (because I was bound to fuck it up, right?!). Well, guess what – it turned out fabulous if I do say so myself. In all honesty, while it is a more tender delicious cut of meat – I think this recipe can be almost as fan-fucking-tastic with a chuck roast. In fact, that is how I will be making it next time.

The Shit You’ll Need

Approx 5 lbs of beef short ribs

2 tsp olive oil

Penzey’s Quebec Beef Spice (or something similar)

1 onion – sliced

1/4 cup bourbon

1/4 cup semi sweet red wine (I prefer Italian because Italians are the best)

1 tbsp Paprika (Penzey’s sweet because I don’t care for the smokey as much)

1 tsp Penzey’s Aleppo Pepper (or cayenne, I suppose) – more or less to your heat preference

2-3 tbsp brown sugar

3 tbsp balsamic vinegar

6 cloves of garlic

Approx 2 tsp Penzey’s Italian Seasoning (or something similar but make sure it contains thyme…you need thyme in this mofo)

1 cup beef stock/broth

Carrots, peeled and cut into small penis sized chunks

1 tbsp cornstartch



What to Do With All of That Shit

Turn the Instant Pot on saute

Add oil to pot

Season the beef with the beef seasoning (duh)

Once pot is hot, brown the beef on all sides – almost to a caramelized brown but not quite. You may have to do this a few at a time – don’t overcrowd. Once browned, put the meat on a plate and set aside

Slice the onions fairly thick. Add to hot pot. Add wine and bourbon. Deglaze the bottom of the pan by scraping the brown bits off the bottom with a wooden spoon and stirring the onions

Next, add the paprika, aleppo, brown sugar, garlic, salt, Italian seasoning (or thyme) and balsamic vinegar

Throw the meat back into the pot and turn off the saute function. Add beef broth and penises…I mean, carrots

Close the IP and set manual to 45 minutes

When it is done and beepin’ – let it use natural release. This will make it all the more tender…kinda like my heart, bitches

One you have removed the lid, allow the steam of escape so that you do not have to run to the ER with limb threatening burns and miss this whole meal because THAT would suck. Okay, so once you know that you’re safe and not about to melt, remove the beef and transfer it onto a plate

Turn on the saute function

Dissolve the cornstarch in water or broth. Add that to the IP liquidy deliciousness. The sauce will thicken as it boils. Taste and re-season as needed. Blow on it, dude! That shit is HOT, gawwwd

Once thickened, put those big bad beef ribs right back in der, k?

So while this is cooking, I strongly STRONGLY suggest making up some buttery mashed potatoes seasoned with Penzeys Fox Point (I seriously put that magic junk on EVERYthing). Plop a scoop of taters onto a plate, top with some beef and carrots and pour some of that killer sauce right over like it’s lava, man

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