Monthly Archives: March 2008



Shortly after having my daughter, my sister in law at the time suggested to me one random day that I could ‘always have a breast lift’.  Since we hadn’t been discussing the topic before her comment – I looked down and suddenly realized how disfigured I had become after a pregnancy with terrible bras followed by a year of breastfeeding. I was always self conscious about my boobage because one is slightly larger than the other. My ex boyfriend loved to joke about it. I was told this is common, but I have yet to notice it on another woman as I notice it on myself.


I am a tremendous wimp, however, so I never really considered surgery a real possibility. I have a very low pain threshold and am so terrified of dying – ‘why risk it for cosmetic purposes’ I always thought.


But in the past couple years I have really grown to hate my torso and my breasts happen to be big part of that torso. I have fanaticized many times about how great it would be to have a reduction and a lift. Even my own mom is all for it.


I spoke with an acquaintance who told me that she had the very same procedure only one year ago. She said the pain was quite minimal and that she loves her new girlies. She was obviously very happy to have had made the decision to go through with the surgery. She was a DD and after much tooth pulling with the insurance company, it was paid in full. Of course, she claimed back pain…which I am sure was indeed legitimate. I am only a D and I too have a lot of back pain. But I could not say without a doubt that my chest is the culprit. Apparently the doctor’s office will pit bull the insurance company until they accept the claim.


Anyway, after talking to her and my mom, I was seriously thinking that after next years’ tax returns (if my insurance wouldn’t pay) I would look into getting the reduction. Nothing major, maybe back to a C cup and lifted above my knees – where they had been before I was mommy milk bags. I was actually getting kind of excited about it. The thought of being able to wear tube tops or spaghetti straps…the thought of not having to get XL tops just so my boobs fit…wow…that would be friggin’ swell.


The following day I heard this story on the news. An 18 year old woman died while having breast augmentation. It seems there was a complication with a genetic disorder and the anesthesia. This certainly isn’t the first time I have heard of people dying from cosmetic surgery. But to hear this the very next day after deciding to possibly do this…well…it really freaked me out. Like maybe it was a sign or something.


I really want my body back. I really hate the way I look now. I really do not want worn out saddle bags hanging out down there. But I also want to live to watch my kids grow up. I want to have many more years of sunshine, chocolate, thunder and love. I am just not ready to go yet.


So, I guess I am back to where I was before…is the risk worth it?



Here is a link to some before and after photos





Trichotillomania – Hair Pulling



In the past I have discussed my having a condition called Trichotillomania (an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, facial hair, nose hair, pubic hair, eyebrows or other body hair, sometimes resulting in noticeable bald patches).  Last night, on an episode of 20/20, they discussed Trich on their Medical Mysteries installment.  I was surprised to find out how much more common it is than I ever thought. I was also shocked to hear some of the same thoughts and feelings I have had about this for so many years. Things I have never even spoken of because of it sounding so very strange. I am very lucky in the fact that I do not have a severe case of Trich. I have never pulled out the hairs on my head, thank God!! My main focus was always my eyebrows. There were times in my life when I would have half of an eyebrow or be covered in bloody scabs. Once the scabbing happens, I become obsessed with picking those as well.


At one point in the show last night, the expert Doctor being interviewed said something that really hit home. She said that Trich patients will find themselves spending hours picking at that one hair they feel just does not belong. That is exactly how I have tried to explain it to my family – with no success I might add. Family, friends, teachers…they would always just hit me or tell me to stop…yell at me, make fun, act disgusted, etc. It honestly made me want to pick more. I have pulled out my eyebrows since I was about 16 years old. I was an obcessive scab picker long before that.


Right now, I am putting Mederma on several spots on my face where I picked and picked causing scars only several weeks ago. When I wash off my makeup and look in the mirror at all my scars, I am disgusted and very sad that I will always be marked up. I will never feel comfortable leaving the house without makeup.


I am very glad this is being discussed. I hope that the media continues to shed light on this strange problem.


Below I have given links to some videos and the story posted on the 20/20 site. I think you might find them very interesting, especially if you know someone with this condition. Even more so if you have it yourself.


Video – Pulling Hair: One Strand at a Time


Video – Hair Pulling Compulsion Linked to Gene Defect


Video – Trichotillomania: A Hair Pulling Gene


 20/20 Story – Trichotillomania a True Medical Mystery

The Choppy Chop


Well, I did it. I did the choppy chop. My family seems to really like it – except my 3 year old daughter who thinks it is “weird”. I wish I had a good picture of my new style, but I really do not. I didn’t think of taking one right away when it was done because I was in a hurry. And by the time we were taking pictures, it wasn’t really “styled” anymore. But I will share some shots with you to give a basic idea.


I did end up getting 8+ inches cut. I also got some highlights. Personally, I am still getting used to it. Not sure how much I like it at the moment. Perhaps it will grow on me.


Here are some pics during the CUT – Me looking REALLY tardo and Michelle, my humourous stylist:






Here are some not so good pics since the hair cut. Next time I actually have it washed and styled (its been a LONG weekend lol) I will replace these with better pictures.







Thursday March 20, 2008


I have some things on my mind and I thought – hell, why not bore the willing with them! Oh aren’t you lucky. Of course, that is even assuming anyone would bother reading this in the first place.


As it is often the case, one of the first things on my mind is sleep. I have been so tired lately. And it isn’t just because of trouble sleeping. For the past couple weeks, I have started having nightmares. For a long time now my dreams have been incredibly epic and realistic. They are always like some B movie collaboration with Kubrick and Ephron directing. Strange and real at the same time. But lately, my dreams have moved from the interesting category to the disturbing and sad.


On Monday I had a dream that I was divorced and received a call from an old boyfriend who was also recently divorced. We realized we were always meant to be together and it was all planned out. But then he called back while I was packing to tell me that he saw a recent picture of me and realized I was now too fat for him, that he is used to skinny women and I wouldn’t “fit” into his life. As silly as that may sound, I was quite devastated and humiliated and woke up feeling like an institutionalized cow.


On Tuesday I had a dream that my deceased Grandma Rose called me on my cell phone (from heaven) to warn me that my baby – who was about 6 months old in my dream – was visiting her in the afterlife and that she was not well. I ran into her bedroom and she was obviously very sick. I kept yelling “Grandma! Grandma!” into the phone with no response. My mom, stepdad and brother all tried racing her to the ER. She was burning up so I kept dumping cold water on her head. It was so real. I can even remember the feeling of her warm short fuzzy hair on my cheek as I held her. It took forever getting to the hospital. I think we finally got there and I just held her in a hospital bed. I was bawling violently. I am not sure what happened after that.  But I did wake up with a sore throat and absolutely exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open yesterday.


These are just a couple of examples. I really do not think I am getting sleep – even though I am obviously “sleeping” and dreaming…I do not think I am getting real sleep. I wake up so tired as though I have actually been going through these bizarre events.


So, since I had not been sleeping well, I decided last night to take Advil PM – which works very well for me. I have a script for sleeping aids, but I am too afraid to take them. I have heard one too many stories of baking brownies naked in the middle of the night or taking a drive across town while fast asleep. Ummm, no thanks. As much as I like brownies…baking naked just really seems like a nasty burn waiting to happen. Not to mention the poor soul who walks in and has to see that hot mess. Anyway, so I took the Advil and dozed off to butterfly land. But then I woke up in the middle of the night to the feeling of breath shooting up my nose. Thankfully I opened one eye before starting to swing. Apparently my daughter crawled into my bed in the middle of the night. She has NEVER in 3 ½ years done this. I have actually felt insulted that she never wanted to sleep with me since I know that most kids do at some point want to sleep with their parents. So, I just let her stay since that is really the only chance I have had to have her near me without her being loud and crazy! But I would soon regret that decision. She rolled closer and closer to the point I had about six inches of sleeping space. Plus, she moves around like a monkey on crack all night. So, not only did I get a crappy night sleep, I now I have Advil PM hangover exhaustion.


Tonight, I am thinking about locking myself in the bathroom and filling the tub with blankets, taking an extra Advil and wearing ear plugs. However, with my luck I will accidentally kick water knob and wake up drenched in the middle of a heart attack.




So…it is suppose to snow tonight. No, not a little dusting. They are expecting 8 – EIGHT – inches. What is today? Today is the first day of spring. March 20th.  But does Wisconsin care? Oh hell no. Why the hell do I live here?? (whine and pout).


There is one silver lining though. I am getting an ice cream cake for my husband’s birthday on Saturday and it is WAY too big for our freezer. I was kinda worried about this, but now I can just put it out in the snow!


Mmmm….cake. Between that and Easter Brunch I will surely gain 5 lbs this weekend. I better step it up on the treadmill!!




Today is my last day of work until April 1st. Normally, that would be exciting for most people, right? Well, the reason I am taking off next week is because the cost of putting both girls in daycare (Spring break – no school) would actually be more than I make. So, needless to say, I took the week off. But the thought of spending the whole week listening to “Get out of my room!!” “Quit hitting me!!” “Mom, she’s being mean to me!!” “Let go of my toy!!” “I don’t like you!!” “Go away!!” “It’s my turn!!” ‘Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” That last one was me. Ugh. Note to self – take extra meds….




My hair appointment is approaching soon and since I have decided to chop it off, I am increasingly nervous. I was looking through some catalogs last night and I swear – every single woman had beautiful long locks that resembled that of the princesses my kids think are the shit. Looking at all those flowing curls and lengthy shiny strands, all I could think about was how I may soon be looking like a boy. Perhaps I should start a pool. Will she cry like a baby in the middle of the salon sucking snot the entire time under the dryer?? Where would you place your bet?




After going back and reading what I have written today…man, I really wish I still smoked weed. Maybe someone can just blow some in my direction – you know, just to take the edge off….??? Any volunteers??????


Thanks once again for letting me spout off. I shall talk at ya later. Peace.


Oh, and Happy Spring. (ppwpwwththt…yea right)


Lara Flynn Boyle – Body Dysmorphic Disorder?


Last night I watched an episode of Law and Order which guest starred Lara Flynn Boyle.  I was an avid fan of The Practice which starred the ultra thin but absolutely beautiful actress.  I can honestly say that while I watched L&O I did not even recognize her until half way through the hour. While I was relieved to see that she is finally nearing a healthy weight, I also noticed obvious evidence of several cosmetic surgeries.  Both my husband and I were shocked as we have always thought she was quite attractive and certainly never in need of such procedures.


After thinking about this for a while ~ yes, I tend to dwell on things that have nothing to do with my life whatsoever ~ I began to realize that it is quite likely this woman has BDD – Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It has been pretty clear that Boyle has battled with an eating disorder. And it seems to me that BDD and ED are not completely separate. I find this so heartbreaking. Keep in mind these are just my thoughts and assumptions…I am certainly no expert and have no real information on Boyle.


Having read some articles and message boards regarding LFB’s changes, I am left appalled by what people are saying. I refuse to even repeat the ridiculous and superficial nonsense. But I did want to discuss this because I know how common these disorders are. And to see a woman who I have always been so physically envious of make such drastic changes to attempt to improve on what needs no improving…it just makes me so sad.


If she does indeed have an illness, I truly hope that someone in her life recognizes this and cares enough to step in and help her help herself. Don’t you ever wonder why some people do not see the same beauty in the mirror that others see on the same face??


Just in case you are not aware or familiar with Lara Flynn Boyle and her recent apprearance changes, I have posted some pictures from before and after.


Here are some photos from before 2007:





Here are some more recent pictures of LFB:




Lfb032506 03©Steve Granitz/ ©Jean-Paul Aussenard/ Lara-flynn-boyle©




Television Excitment


Television excitement has me a wee bit perked up. I am SO glad that writer’s strike as ended!!  Some of my old favorites are returning and some new ones I am hoping make the cut. My DVR will be filling up fast and I will need to start incorporating watching these while I do chores so I use up all 100 hours of recording time!!


Top Chef has returned and my tummy is growling!! I just love this show and each season I enjoy seeing the interesting dishes and crazy challenges these chefs have to pull off.


The Riches is coming back to FX this week and I am thrilled. If you did not get a chance to watch the first season last year – start now!! They give good recaps and you will not be lost. The writing is fresh and wicked and the acting is suburb. I cannot wait.


The Return of Jezebel James is a new sitcom with Parker Posey (Best in Show) and Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under). Two of my favorite actresses are what draw me to this show. The first two episodes were on this passed Friday. Like with many pilots, the first show was a little shaky but the second seemed more relaxed and in place. I think it will only improve, especially with the introduction of Dianne Wiest’s neurotic mother character. I hope the network gives it a chance.


Hell’s Kitchen starts April 1st and it will be fun to watch Chef Gordon Ramsay torture a brand new set of snotty contestants. Another show that always makes me hungry though!!


House will start airing it last 4 episodes of the season on April 28th. This show never disappoints and I miss it!!


Law and Order CI will have some new episodes starting soon, but I am not sure when. I thought I heard this spring…we shall see. It really left off with a cliff hanger regarding D’Onofrio character.


The New Adventures of Old Christine started back up a couple weeks ago. This show cracks me up!! I could be in the worst mood and I will still laugh out loud when watching this show. The entire cast is hilarious and I love each character. If you haven’t tried this one out yet, I really recommend it for some light sarcastic humor.


Okay, time to go set my DVR!!

Chop Your Locks for Charity Day


I am officially declaring this coming Saturday – March 22, 2008 – ‘Chop Your Locks for Charity Day’. Why? Because I am and I would love the support LOL!! I have decided to cut 8 inches from my hair to donate to Pantene’s Beautiful Lengths.  So, I thought I would make it a moment and ask other’s to join me whether you do it here in Racine or miles away. The instructions are simple. You need a minimum of 8 inches to donate to Beautiful Lengths and a minimum of 10 inches to donate to Locks of Love – both are wonderful organizations. Just go to their sites for their very easy instructions and requirements.


It is finally spring (well, almost) and who couldn’t use a fresh new hair style?? A little make over before Easter. A little pick me up bounce sort of speak. Let’s band together and look great for a good cause!!


So if you live here in Racine and want to join me Saturday – just throw me an email. If you want to go to your own salon, pick up the phone and make that appointment. Heck – go to Cost Cutters and you don’t even have to worry about calling ahead!! Make sure to take before and after pictures and if you would like you can send them to me and I will post them on my blog so we can all celebrate your generosity and bravery (not to mention your great new hair style!!).


Yehhh!!! Excited??!! Good. Hope to hear from ya!!

Friday March 14, 2008


Sooo. What’s new? Nothing too terribly interesting. It makes me wonder why I even have a blog when I rarely have anything spectacular to report. Oh well. So be it. I shall continue on my boring way and spread my mundane thoughts through out cyber space.


I am currently doing the whole “I am bored with my tired ass hair and I need a change quick because it is still winter, I am pale and still too fat for any cute clothes so I only have my hair to make pretty” thang. Ever go through that? No?? Well then…it’s just me I guess.


So…anywho…I already have an appointment set for next Saturday to get just a couple low maintenance highlights. But then I started thinking about getting a drastic cut as well. Here is what my hair basically looks like now (only the bangs are past my nose now):




And this is the cut I am thinking of getting:




I sent a picture to my mom, fully expecting a “Don’t you dare” kind of response. But apparently they serve margaritas now in the cafeteria at her work because she replied in a most strange and surprising way. She said she recently got a similar cut and that I would love it – and get this….she thought it would look ‘good’ on me. Now, this is so un-mom-like. She always yelled at me whenever I cut my hair. She always wanted my hair long and with bangs. In fact when I grew out my bangs she told me that I looked ‘ugly’ without them. She claims she never said that – but I know the truth. So you think it could be a sign??


If I do get the cut, I am going to donate my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths. So, I have a whole week to grow some balls and decide to make such a big change. It has taken about 5 years to grow my hair out and I wanted to get it to mid back length. But like I said…I am so blah feeling lately, I need some kind of change.  




Work has been pretty slow and I have discovered an online game that has gotten me not only fairly addicted but also I am on the verge of having to enter an anger management program. What is called The Level Game is kind of a brain game which is never ending for a person like me since the creator keeps adding more levels. If one day you are bored or not feeling quite stupid enough – you should check it out.




We have a lot going on next weekend. Friday we both have off to basically spend cleaning – yippee. Saturday I have “Hair Makeover Trauma” in the morning. Later in the afternoon we are have some people over for ice cream cake and coffee for Charlie’s birthday. Then my mom is spending the night that night. Sunday we will be going to Easter Brunch – YUM. Later on my brother, sis in law and nieces will be coming over so the girls can have an egg hunt. The rest of the weekend will likely be spent sleeping. So I am sure you found that incredibly mind blowing. (chuckle). I guess I just need to write it down so I have it all figured out in my little mind. Hey!! I warned ya – MUNDANE!!


Talk at ya later.

You Have GOT to be Kidding Me!!! GROSS!!!

So…I have not heard of this show until watching Chelsey Lately and The Soup last night. I have to say…while watching the clips, I actually threw up in my mouth a little.

Anyway, the show is called Your Mama Don’t Dance and I think there are some clips on Lifetime Network but I cannot seem to bring them up right now.

But OMG. It is so disgusting IMO. They have professional dancers dancing with their parents – oh, btw, it is a reality contest show of course – as a competition to win a big prize at the end. The clips I saw were fathers and daughters dancing together. And I am not talking nice ‘hey let’s Polka, pop’ dancing…they were dancing VERY provactivly and it made every hair on my body stand up and my stomach turn into knots. It had to be one of the most inappropriate things I have ever seen on television. These girls were grinding on their DADS for Pete’s sake!!

Okay, I found the Chelsea Handler link. Watch the whole thing…I would really like to know what other’s opinions are on this…. 

What Would You Do When Encountering Prejudice?

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Okay, so I watched this episode and was SICK to my stomach. I am not completely naive. I can read these boards alone and witness enormous examples of genuine racism. But watching what some of these people say and do in their reaction was so appalling. On the same token, I was moved to tears when the opposite would occur. I know exactly what I would do. What would you do? And what goes through your mind while watching this?

I hope this YouTube works. If not, the clip can also be found HERE just go down and click the link that says "Watch: Encountering Prejudice".