Monthly Archives: December 2008

Happy New Year Kiddos

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This year seemed to whiz by. Cassidy is now 4 ½ and acts like she is 12. Mackenzie is almost 9 and also acts like she is 12. So basically I ended up with 2 12 year olds at the age of 34.  How’d the hell did THAT happen??!!

 

Mackenzie loves school and is doing wonderful. She gets A’s in everything. I am pretty sure she is the teacher’s pet! We are hoping to start Cassidy in 5 year old Kindergarten in September. She will have to be tested since she was born 16 days passed the deadline. But I think she needs to be in school. She is definitely ready. Freaks me out when I think about it.

 

We are hoping with all our might that Charlie will not have to go on strike in April when his Union’s contract is up. Oh that would SUCK.  Otherwise, his job at AT&T is going well. If you order Uverse this year…make sure you do it through Charlie so he gets the credit!! J

 

I was working part time at Charlie’s work garage for AT&T for about 9 months this past year. But with all the other “extras”…I was downsized. I have been back at home full time since August. But I always have my eye open for that perfect opportunity!!

 

In February my niece Abigail was born. She is adorable and I can’t wait for her to start talking J Her sister, Leia is turning 6 already…gosh. She is just the most darling little girl.

 

We lost Brian this year. That was definitely the hardest thing for me. She was my cat and was only 8 years old. She had kidney failure and had to be put to sleep in July. I still think of her and miss her every day.

 

Bob (Brian’s brother) is doing well. He also has the kidney disease…but seems pretty asymptomatic at this time. He has lost weight, but he eats really well and still plays and behaves completely normal. He better stick around a long time. I need him!!

 

That pretty much wraps up 2008.  I really need a great 2009. So…even I’LL drink to that!!!

 

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In 2008, I Kissed a Girl in front of a bunch of Mad Men and I liked it. I contracted electionitis and Obama Mania (I am no longer symptomatic).  I thoroughly enjoyed The Mentalist but knew that Slater had to go.  I avoided Sex in the City and Mamma Mia like the plague. We lost celebrities such as Paul Newman, Heath Ledger, Estelle Getty, Harvey Korman, Bernie Mac, George Carlin, Tim Russert, Sydney Pollack and many others.  We – well some of us – lived through another year at War, the Prop 8 fiasco, a devastating economic crash, Britney’s hot mess of a life shoved in our faces daily, Sarah Palin, the writer’s strike and what seemed like a year of Olympic coverage.  But we also had the opportunity to witness a significant change in American politics, culture and ideals.  We witnessed the simple brilliance of Randy Pausch.  We had another year of Project Runway and SNL finally became funny again. 

 

In 2009, I hope to see changes we were promised. I want to see soldiers coming home. I want to see excellent new films – and many of them. I hope to find that perfect white tee shirt. I hope our property value rises as much as our property taxes. I wish for Miley’s retirement and the resurrection of Barney Miller. I cross my fingers for the invention of a calorie free delicious chocolate.  And I truly hope this coming year will kick 2008’s ass.  

Tuesday December 30, 2008

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Well I certainly hope you had a delightful holiday season. Mine was pretty nice with no major catastrophes. As usual, it gets busy. First we had Christmas with Charlie’s dad and step mom. Then with his mom and step dad. Christmas morning with my immediate family here. Later that day we went to my step family’s Christmas. And finally, we drove up north to the U.P. (Michigan) to Charlie’s uncle’s vacation home.  Sounds exhausting doesn’t it?? Sometimes it gets to be too much. And the Christmas debt is depressing. But it is now over and it is time to rejuvenate.  I need to recharge and take this next week to really get my thoughts in order and make some plans I can really stick to.  If you know me at all, you know that change makes me anxious. So I need time just to absorb the coming changes as minor as they may be.

 

I have stuck to my quitting smoking. I believe it is 22 days now (with the exception of my one fall at a Christmas party where I had one cigarette).  I am doing much better now. I think since I only was off the wagon for a few months, the withdraws weren’t as bad. The first 2 weeks REALLY sucked. But after that it has gotten considerably easier.

 

So, since that is now taken care of…I need to go to the next on the list – weight.  It is no secret that I have been struggling with my weight since the birth of my daughter.  I gained 70 lbs during that pregnancy and the last 25 or so do not want to budge. But I cannot give up. I refuse to be a fat chic. I realize I am now old, married and have very few reasons to want to look – how you say? – Hot.  But I would like to at least come close or even just attempt it.

 

I have never been happy with my abdominal area, breast feeding did a number on my boobage and for the first time in my life I believe I have discovered cellulite.  So, without some serious and expensive surgeries – I realize I will never be that 25 year old Heather again.  But I want to be a nice healthy weight. I want to feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit – even if it is a one piece. I want to exercise without getting out a breath. I want to do a full forward bend pose and actually touch my head to my legs. I want to eat without feeling guilty. I want guys to look at me in public instead of just saying “excuse me ma’am”.  I want to have energy and motivation and confidence. Is all this really too much to ask??

 

I am going to start by making sure I get on the treadmill EVERY weekday. I will also do hand weights and the exercise ball every other day.  I am going to eat breakfast everyday even if I am not hungry. I will eat a little something every couple of hours. I will only have food in the house that either does not tempt me or is healthy. I will stock with raw veggies, fruit, cottage cheese and salad stuff.  I will only eat lean meats, whole grains and healthy fats. And like I always do – I will only drink calorie and caffeine free beverages (mostly tea and water).

 

I am not going to count points or calories (when I do this I find I become obsessed with what and when I am going to eat and it really becomes a distraction and seems very unnatural). I am not going to follow a diet or eliminate any food groups.  I am just going to eat small portions of healthy food and learn to stick with it. Will I have birthday cake or a few onion rings on a weekend – yes. But I will keep it in check and it will only be on occasion.  If I completely deny myself – I will fail.

 

Anyway…this is my weight loss plan for the New Year. I hope to be much thinner by next Christmas.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

 

I sure didn’t mean to go on and on and make this whole post about my weight. LOL. How boring, I am sure. Sorry.

 

 

So…I have been introduced to Facebook this past year. I found it to be much better than MySpace which I rarely visited anyway. I also have been able to reconnect with people from my past which is cool.  But Facebook also brought me a sense of looserism.  I cannot blame with on Facebook entirely as I have had this sense in the past.  However…it sort of made it worse. I look at old high school classmates on there and see that they have actually done things with their lives. It makes me feel inferior and sad. They are living in other countries, acting out their dreams, fulfilling successful career aspirations and some are just seemingly living lives which make mine so dull and pathetic in comparison.

 

Wah wah wah….quit feeling sorry for yourself – right??!! I know!! I only have myself to blame for any unpursued goals. I have only myself to blame for my choices. I need to quit the whining and boo-hooing and make the very best of what I do have and appreciate the blessings around me. Right? This is something I am really going to attempt.  No, I am not traveling through Europe free as a bird. No, I am not a successful attorney. No, I did not move to L.A.  to become an actress. And I am not teaching creative writing to pimple faced teens. And let’s face it…at 34 and with a family (and a ridiculous felony charge on my record)…it is very unlikely to ever happen. But I need to find happiness and fulfillment within my constraints.  I only wish I knew where to begin.

 

 

I suppose I should wrap it up for now. I am going to help the kids with their Chia Pets and I have a ton of laundry to do. So…farewell for now.

Wednesday December 17, 2008

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My friend Tom emailed this picture to me after he read my last entry. Cracks me up. Amazingly – the hair-do is even more similar that I originally suspected. That cigarette looks pretty tempting too. Ugh.

 

Speaking of smoking…I quit (after a stupid 4 month leap off the wagon – which I had been on for almost 6 years) December 8, 2008. I had a REALLY hard time. In fact…I did cheat and had 2 smokes at a Christmas Party this past Saturday. I was worried I would wake up Sunday being right back to where I was. But that wasn’t the case. It does seem to get easier each day…but I still get these powerful jolts that I have to wait out until it subsides. Addiction really sucks!! I really cannot allow this to happen ever again!! I can’t wait for this to be over. It is making me very cranky. Even more so than usual.

 

I have been thinking…there are a lot of things (yes, THINGS) I have, have used, tried, etc…which I really like. So I thought I would shamefully copy Oprah and make a list of My Favorite Things. Of course, I can not buy one for each of the two people who read this blog (lol…well, maybe five or six) because I am broke. But we can pretend. I will make that a separate blog entry…or maybe a list. Either way, I finsta start workin’ on that yo.

 

I can’t believe it is Christmas next week already. Man. Almost done shopping. Cards are almost done. Plans are all made. It’s so hectic. What age do you have to be when you can say…”I’m not leavin’ the house. If you want to see me/us on Christmas, come on over.”???

 

Well, that is all for now…need to actually get up and DO stuff…

 

Thursday December 11, 2008

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Well…winter is here. The ground is covered in slush and snow, the sun appears one out of ten days, my vitamin D levels are rapidly depleting and my hibernation instincts are becoming an overpowering opponent. Thirty four years old and I still haven’t made my way out of a location which obviously not my geographic soul mate.  Yet the tethers are still keeping me in Eskimo purgatory.

 

If you haven’t already determined the sense of this blog, you will soon figure out that my mood is salty, my outlooks are bleak and my attitude sucks.  

 

I think a couple weeks back I mentioned I was quitting smoking after a couple month long yank off the wagon (a wagon I was happily riding for over 5 years).  Well, I was able to go 7 days. Then I ruined it. My new quit date was Monday (December 8th). I had one smoke that morning and haven’t had one since. I can assure you that this time quitting is about a million times more difficult than it was 5-6 years ago and I cannot understand why. The restlessness and urges are like tugs on my body parts trying to summon me to the store. Ugh…this is so hard. And it is making me very irritable.

 

I have been having those “wasting my life away” emotions again lately.  I just feel like this pile of dirty, dinged up wishes on the curb as two women walk by and whisper to each other, “What a waste.”

 

I am just not where I had hoped or even THOUGHT I would be at this time in my life. Time is whizzing by faster and faster and I cannot help to feel that this is just my life and I need to accept it and make peace with it. It’s not a bad life. It is a life many might hope to have. But it is just not the life my soul expected I suppose.

 

Blach. Enough of that.

 

On a much happier note, I did reconnect with an old friend via email this past week. It was very nice to hear from him and I hope we continue to keep in touch. This having no friends thing has really been getting to me. Who knew.

 

Anyway…I will write more later. My house is a mess, my hair looks like Helena Bonham Carter’s in Fight Club and my cat is eating the Christmas tree.