Monthly Archives: January 2011

Full of Snot and Too Busy to Get Sick


Today is…what…Wednesday? I wouldn’t really know since I only slept about 90 minutes last night. I feel like a zombie and I should really be sleeping. I am sick. NOOO…not that way. Well, sometimes…but that is for another blog. Like sick, sick. My nose goes between completely stuffed or super dry…you know, that dry where it kinda even hurts to inhale nasally? I really just feel like my head is blowing up like a balloon and just may at any moment float into the sky…and let’s face it…it’s too damn cold out there for floatin’ heads. So, this needs to be nipped in the ass. The ass of the nose. Okay, whatever, I don’t know. I cannot be sick. And worse – I am paranoid the kids will get sick and our home will turn into a petri dish. So, I am hopin’ super hard that this is gone when I wake up (hopefully from a long, deep, wonderful sleep).

What a busy weekend coming up all of a sudden. Charlie got the big idea to take the kids to a water park this weekend. He brought it up this morning…come on!! I need more mental prep time for something like that!! I was able to find a super good deal at The Wilderness Resort in the Wisconsin Dells. So we will be staying one night and (hopefully…if I have not yet died from this viral invasion) enjoying the park for two days. So, that gives me about 36 hours to prep my half dressed, disgusting, winter body for public viewing. Ugh. I am as white as my teeth used to be. I haven’t shaved my legs in weeks. And let’s just say, I am in desperate need for some full body laser hair removal. The shit is out of control. One drawback to being Italian. I am hoping a couple sessions in the tanning booth, 100 crunches a day and some good ole Nair will at least get me to the point of not barfing in front of the mirror (whether or not others do is not my responsibility).

We are surprising the kids. We are going to play as though we are dropping them off at school but then keep driving while they wonder and wonder. HAHA…I love the mental torture ūüôā I will pack their bags tomorrow and hide them under a blanket in the back of the Jeep. They will know where we are going once we arrive. Fun, no?? Am I a bad mom for taking them out of school to go down a couple water slides? Guess what, don’t care.

After we return, my mom is coming into town so that she can watch Cassidy while Charlie and I go to The Little River Band concert at Memorial Hall. When I tell people who I am going to see they either look at me like I am a geek from the 70s or they have never heard of the band (which turns into an embarressing real life version of American Idol – during the auditons). Of course, most of the people I talk to are 20-somethings…if that! So, being the big ole 70s dork that I am, I will be puttin’ on my heals for a night out…doing something different for a change. Yeahhhh Me ūüôā

That is also the night of my work’s Xmas party. So we MIGHT stop if there is time after the concert. I don’t really know anyone all that well and so many of them have been there for years…I feel like such an outsider. So, I dunno. We shall see.

We both have off on Monday so it will be our day of relaxation while the kiddos are in school. And I will definitely need it after this crazy surprise weekend!!

Alright. I need to eat and get some sleep so I don’t feel like calling 911 again tonight. (whimper)

Night y’all.

OH!! P.S. We have been thinking more and more about moving to Texas. Who knows if this will ever happen…but we are just lookin’ and dreamin’. Wondering what some of you think of Texas. Where is it more liberal than conservative? How close can we get to the ocean and still be safe from hurricanes? Where are their fresh water lakes (for boating)? What is the job market like? Crime? We have looked at (via internet) San Antonio, Austin and Corpus Cristi. Neither of us have been there so we are considering taking a trip (sans kids) late summer. Anyway, suggestions, warnings, advice…throw ’em my way ūüôā


Presidential Blurb


Just a quick thought as I watch the State of the Union Address.

I think Obama‘s best presidential quality will ultimately be his downfall. He looks into the future. He gazes the full picture. He makes decisions based on what will be best for our country and it’s citizens not just for today but for lifetimes to come. Those who oppose him want and expect instant gratification. They cannot see further than their own backyard; further than this very moment. They claim he is doing nothing. But in reality, everything he is attempting could very well shape a pretty groovy tomorrow for our children and grandchildren. To those opposers, I would like to say…it isn’t all about you and it isn’t all about now.

That is all. Goodnight.

Journal Times Update of Pin Up Calendar Scam


Following is story printed in today’s Racine Journal Times…mine was first…but their’s is better (and with less curse words LOL)…

RACINE – People who participated in a pin-up calendar, or bought it thinking it was for a good cause, are wondering where the money went.

More than two weeks after a fundraiser where proceeds were promised to the Racine County Food Bank, food bank officials said Monday they have not seen a check from the organizer, though a few participants have directly given money they collected for selling the calendars personally.

Lesslee¬†Betchkal, who produced and organized the 2011 Racine pin-up calendar fundraiser, said it hadn’t made “enough money” to give yet,¬†in one of several Facebook messages responding to Journal Times inquiries. She did not respond to repeated requests for interviews over the phone or in person, saying she is out of town.

Betchkal approached the food bank after the Jan. 8 event to say she still planned to donate the proceeds once she sold more calendars, according to Chris Geary, president of the food bank board. Betchkal said she hopes to have more release parties to sell the remaining calendars for $10 each.

The controversy

Betchkal said last week she only sold 121 calendars at the initial calendar release party on Jan. 8. She previously told The Journal Times about 200 had been sold at the party.

The sale of 121 calendars, at $15 each, would have netted $1,815 to be donated to charity.

Betchkal previously said all production costs, about $1,200, were paid for by about 73 local businesses who bought advertisement slots in the calendar at about $25 per ad.

But Betchkal said last week that the sales did not cover the expenses to be able to donate “a sizeable amount” to charity, which she specified as $400 or more.

She did not respond to requests for further clarification, instead saying: “People’s money will and always was intended to go to the charity, but when you don’t sell … you have to cover costs before you can give to anyone.”

According to figures Betchkal provided The Journal Times on Friday: Total expenses, including hair and makeup, for the photo shoots, DJs at the event and more, was $1,626 and the total printing cost was $2,720. She did not respond to requests for receipts until Monday night, saying she plans to gather the receipts at the end of this week.

Dan Packee, owner of Print-n-Press, a printing company in Milwaukee, said they printed 2,000 pin-up calendars for $2,112 plus an ad in the calendar. He said Betchkal provided a $1,000 down payment and he was supposed to receive the rest of the payment following the event earlier this month. But as of Monday, the balance was still due.

The fundraiser also initially caused some controversy because it named the food bank as the recipient in its promotions although the food bank had not sanctioned the calendars or the event.

The concerns

Women featured in the calendar expressed concerns about what they feel is a lack of transparency regarding collected funds.

“We want the money to be accounted for,” said Nicole Norby, 35, of Racine, who is Miss November. She said she donated her time and her father, who owns Norby & Sons Moving, had donated his vehicles and motorcycles thinking it was a fundraiser for the food bank.

“I want to see the money go to the food bank,” said Monica Bruce, a 36-year-old registered nurse from Racine who is Miss April. “That’s why we did this.”

Amy Arendt, a 31-year-old from Caledonia who is Miss June, said she became concerned because the numbers just didn’t add up.

The three donated the proceeds from the calendars they had personally sold after the event directly to the food bank.

Food bank Executive Director Dan Taivalkoski said on Monday he received checks from the three for a total of $915.

Betchkal had previously told The Journal Times a separate account would be set up for the money collected from the sales at Educators Credit Union.

On Monday, Jim Henderson, senior vice president of ECU, said he could not confirm whether or not such an account had been set up, citing privacy laws.

“There seems to be a lot of conflicting information,” said James McGarity, a 43-year-old engineer from Racine who bought a calendar. “But basically, I guess the question that’s going around is, ‚ÄėWhere’s the money?’ ”

The promise

In a Facebook message, Betchkal wrote there are no unaccounted funds from sales of ads or calendars and added they are close to meeting their costs “and then from there on out it’s all charity.”

You can find this story and comments HERE

Reunion, Sleep and Revenge of the Scale


Well…I did have every intention on doing a considerable amount of writing today…but I just ain’t got it in me. My mental/creative pen has run dry and it is far too cold to leave the house for a new one. So, I will fill this virtual space with random whines and silly updates. Thoughts of the moment, if you will.

It took me forever to fall asleep last night. Its like that¬†a lot lately. My mind races and its like a part of me just doesn’t want to go to sleep. I think my anxious self likes the quiet of the night and that need for calm within me doesn’t want to waste that precious time with sleep. I know, it sounds crazy…but look who yer talkin’ to.

I have always been a night person. Mornings are an enemy I have never forgiven. They ruin my interesting and vivid dream time, leave me feeling much more tired than what is probably considered torture and are filled with all these checklists of things to do. Yuck. I also have a need for downtime like no other person I know. I need¬†an indulgent¬†amount of time dedicated to avoiding noise, conflict, movement, brightness and stress. For a long time I lived alone and had more than enough downtime. Nowadays I get a couple hours¬†at the end of each day and I guess that neurotic part of my mind (you know, that ONE…ppttthhh) procrastinates¬†sleep in order to soak up this awakened quiet time. I mean, as much as I love my dreamland…it is like living another life. They can be so epic, adventurous and actually tiring!! I know it sounds weird. But it’s true. I wish I could record them. So, anyway…yea…(yawn) I’m tired and am actually considering a nap. Thrilling shit here, eh?


So, I started back on my “diet” January 3rd. I had gained a few lbs over the holidays and also have another 10 to lose to reach my ultimate goal weight – which I want by this summer. That will put me about just where I was when I got knocked up. I have been logging all my food and fitness. I exercise 45-90 minutes a day 6 days a week. And I have one cheat day when I eat what I want (without going crazy…like, I don’t sit at the OCB¬†all day and graze) and I don’t bother logging. As of today I have lost 6 lbs since starting. Little less than 3 weeks. I guess I am okay with that. But it seems like it is going to take forever. Anyway, about 9 lbs to go. I truly hope it won’t be nearly this difficult to maintain once I get there. It is exhausting and ridiculously time consuming. So…here’s to lookin’ like a MILF by boating season (clink).


Cassidy has been crackin’ me up lately. She is very musical. She loves to sing and usually just makes up her own songs or sings about what she is doing…like…(in a sing songy¬†voice) ‘I will take a bath now and wash my hair lalalala’. Silly stuff like that. Well, the other night she was sittin’ there singing and I hear her sing, “It can be a problem…when you fart out poop.” My stomach hurt from laughing so hard. In the same hour she can crack me up and make me bat shit angry. Is SHE schizo or am I??

Then this morning I heard her talking to her sister. She said that Grandma Becky would be watching her because mom and dad are going to a concert. (Next weekend we are going to see Little River Band at Memorial Hall.) Mackenzie asked her what concert. She said, “(sigh) I don’t know,” all exasperated, “just some little band.” I don’t know why I thought that was so funny, but I did. I may have mentioned once, weeks ago the name of the band to her. Her memory, though not completely accurate in this case is quite remarkable. And the way she said it…she can just be so funny. And loud. She is so damn loud. What the HELL??


So. This summer is my husband’s 20th high school reunion (mine is next year, though I am not even sure if one is being planned). We went to the same school and being only a year apart, I knew (or knew of) many of the people in his class. I even dated a couple. Either way, the pressure of a reunion is INTENSE. I have never been to one. Never even went to homecomings or proms when I was IN school. This is another reason I am making myself lose this weight. And then there is finding a great dress, hoping Charlie doesn’t have one drink too many and start dancing like a crazy person, running into the mean girls and realizing they DIDN’T get fat or drug addicted…ugh so many stresses. And then there is the whole “What do you do?” questions. I dread that one. Is there time to become successful, sophisticated and super hot by July?? Please tell me there is hope!!!


Well, folks…that is all for now. If there is any hope for a 20 minute nap, I gotsta do it now!! Talk at ya later


Ugly Things


The world is filled with people who do ugly things.

Why do they act this way?

Some lie to keep from losing what they love.

Some lash out because they fear the future.

Some put up walls because they have regrets.


Everyone has a reason for the ugly things they do.

And once we find out why…then…we can stop them.

This was the monologue at the end of this week’s Desperate Housewives. As I watched tonight I felt it very relatable to my life right now…well, probably always in some aspect. There are people in my life I may never understand. They do or have done ugly things…but they have their reasons for their behavior. And I don’t mean just one person…several. But even more…this can also be directed towards me. I do ugly things. I know this. I am not a perfect happy shiny housewife. I never will be. But I can be better. And as I always say…I’m workin’ on it.

Deleting Post


Later on I will be taking down my last post (Breaking the Silence). Not because I think it is wrong to talk about it…not because I want to do anyone any favors. But because I need to break away from this. I need to stop giving away my power. I need to stop thinking I can fix everyone and everything. I may just have to watch my step daughter, whom I have loved and cared for since she was 14 months, go down a scary path lacking tools she will need. It scares me for her, for us and for my daughter. But I cannot keep doing this. We will have our rules here and what happens over there just does. We can only do our best and that is what we will do. We have a happy family here and the only issues are when her influence is involved. That needs to stop and it stops with me reacting to it and caring about it. It will take some time, but I am hopeful.

Anyway, I am waiting for those who commented to see my responses…by tomorrow it will be gone and I wanted you to know why.

Goofy Golden Globes


Tomorrow night is the night of my favorite of all the self worshiping Hollywood awards shows. The Golden Globes always promises a more drunkenly entertaining event featuring stars from television, music, film. Dressed to the nines and all ready for self promotion, false humility and some serious partying – our favorite celebrities gather in a sea of borrowed diamonds and runway rags.

Ricky Gervais is hosting, which is a thrill for me. This man has to be one of the funniest alive. Any insult, vulgarity or verbal mishap can occur at any moment at The Golden Globes and the chances of that happening with Gervais at the helm is even better. These are the little nuances which make The Golden Globes superior to the at home audience than other awards shows. I only watch two others: The Emmys and The Oscars. And with them all I watch with the eyes of a young Heather. Listening to the acceptance speeches, fantasizing what I would say at the podium. I feel that pit in my tummy, sad that I never ended up in LaLa Land on the screen like I always dreamed. I tear up as I can only imagine the pride and excitement of finally making those dreams come true.

Ah yes, another epic long awards program forcing my husband into the living room as I fast forward through the musical numbers, judge the ridiculous outfits and cheer loudly when “my” person wins. And speaking of “my” people…below is the list of nominees and my choices. Again, as usual, I have seen a small minority of these potential winners. And for some reason, this year the selection was clearly from the mind of a 15 year old¬†boy on salvia. But, I look forward to watching nonetheless.

   Best Television Drama:

Boardwalk Empire (never saw it)

Dexter (loved the first season, but haven’t yet caught up)

The Good Wife (like it…but best? No way.)

Mad Men (Yuppers, this is my winner of the choices)

The Walking Dead (Seriously? Different, but NOT award worthy)





Best Television Drama Actress:

Juliana Margulies (ehhh…again, good…but not best)

Elisabeth Moss (not as thrilled with her this season)

Piper Perabo (Huh? Who?)

Kathy Segal (still have not seen SOA, but hear it is excellent)

Kyra Sedgwick (my pick. I think she does a wonderful job as Brenda Lee Johnston)





Best Television Drama Actor:

Steve Buscemi (Never watched Boardwalk Empire, but I have always liked him)

Bryan Cranston¬†(For the first time I am nchoosinging Hugh…Bryan is this year’s pick…superb)

Michael C. Hall (again, not caught up)

Jon Hamm (modern day Cary Grant, he’s got it all but Bryan is just too great in Breaking Bad)

Hugh Laurie (I “vote” for him every year as I LOVE House and him…but again…too impressed with Bryan)

Best Television Comedy:

30 Rock (yea, it’s funny. we get it. but enough is enough. no more awards!)

The Big Bang Theory (it’s cute 60% of the time. but that’s about it.)

The Big C (Here is where it gets tricky. I love this show SO much. It is wonderful in every way and I cannot wait for next season.)

Glee (If this wins, I will probably barf a little.)

Modern Family (Probably the funniest show in many many years. The writing and ensemble is outstanding and I crackthough outhout each episode. Because The Big C is also quite a tear jerker РI would classify it as a funny drama РI chose Modern Family.)


Best Television Comedy Actress:

Toni Collette (wonderful)

Edie Falco (fabulous)

Tina Fey (again, no more)

Laura Linney (spectacular)

Lea Michele (make her go away)

(Toni, Edie and Laura are all so excellent it is truly hard to chose. I think I have to chose Toni because of the role difficulty. But they are all so phenomenal.)





Best Television Comedy Actor:

Alec Baldwin (enough now…he is not a god)

Steve Carell (everyone knows he is extraordinarily funny. one of the best ever. and this is his last season….so why not.)

Thomas Jane (I saw a few episodes of Hung and did enjoy it, but I didn’t see enough to love it or him regardless of his schlong)

Matthew Morrison (oh shut UP)

Jim Parsons (funny character…not mind bendingly awesome however)




Best Drama Film:

Black Swan

The Fighter


The King’s Speech

The Social Network

(Have yet to see BS, TF and TKS. All look good and I look forward to them. Inception and Social Network Рloved them. Really really did. I have to chose Inception because it is just so smart and amazing and thought provokimesmerizingerizing. However, the writing in The Social Network is superior.)


Best Drama Film Actress:

Halle Barry in Frankie and Alice

Nicole Kidman in Rabbit Hole

Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone

Natalie Portman in Black Swan

Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine

(I cannot vote. Haven’t seen any of them. If it means anything, I interestedntersted in Blue Valentine.)




Best Drama Film Actor:

Jesse Eisenberg in The Social Network

Colin Firth in ThSpeech’s¬†Speach

James Franco in 127 Hours

Ryan Gosling in Blue Valentines

Mark Wahlberg in The Fighter

(Only watched The Social Network – again loved it…and loved him. Excellent.)



Best Film Comedy:

Alice in Wonderland


The Kids Are Alright (how on earth is this considered a comedy…good movie, but NOT a comedy)


The Tourist

(The only one I have seen was The Kids Are Alright and since I do not at all consider that a comedy…I am not votincategorys¬†catagory)



Best Comedy Film Actress:

Annette Benning in The Kids Are Alright

Anne Hathaway in Love and Other Drugs

Angelina Jolie in The Tourist

Julianne Moore in The Kids Are Alright

Emma Stone in Easy A

(Saw Love and Other Drugs and The Kids Are Alright. This is another example of reacategorizingatagorizing. Neither of these films is a comedy. Some parts with humor…both good movies…but in no way are they comedies. But as far as acting…it is a toss up between Annette and Julianne – both were terrific)



Best Comedy Film Actor:

Johnny Depp in The Tourist

Johnny Depp in Alice in Wonderland

Paul Giamatti in Barney’s Version

Jake Gyllenhaal in Love and Other Drugs

Kevin Spacey in Casino Jack

(Only saw Jake and he is adorable, so I vote for him. Plus, he showed his butt.)

And that’s that as far as my picks. See, I guess you gotta get to the theatre more in order to make a fair assessment…but some of these moviridiculouso¬†ridiuclous¬†for which to fork over 7 bucks a head. The Tourist? You couldn’t pay me to watch. Alice in Wonderland? YAWN. Easy A…are you fuckin’ kidding me?? A movie snob, yea…I admit it. But I am also a cheapskate and will only pay for movies I think will be worth it. And rarely am I disappointed, so I think I will stick with my formula.

That’s Like Going to the Circus and Complaining about the Elephant Shit


One more thing before I finally put an end to this day…one of my lovely readers (why do only the haters comment here??) commented something to the degree that my post offers nothing but…what was it? Empty noise?? But sub heading on this blog is ‘bitching whining and moaning’ is it not?? Yes, that is what you will read here. Random thoughts, personal feelings, silly worries, angry rants…that IS what this blog is about. Nothing more, nothing less.

I suggest that if that bothers you in one way or another you really should move on. And while I do spend my time here complaining about my stupid job or worrying about my broken dishwasher…I also know what it is to watch a young parent die, to be virtually homeless, to be suicidal, to be abused, to be abandoned,¬†to have medical problems, to have my heart broken as well as to love deeply, to be consumed by a child, to gain strength through adversity, to teach, to learn, to give….

This blog is a part of me. It isn’t all of me. This is what I am sharing…take it or leave it.

BFF…And Forever MEANS Forever


Today I received news which has left me in a fog. I am mixed with all sorts of feelings of and for myself as well as an old friend. Probably my oldest, dearest friend. When I think about it, actually, besides my family…I have not loved anyone longer. This person was by best friend for a very long time.

My friend learned some scary news about their health recently and after a long estrangement, they wanted to let me know. I have feelings of happiness that it is a good possibility that this person may return to my life. I am hopeful that our friendship can be even half of what it was. But of course, even more, I am worried and fearful about the news of the recent diagnosis. The disease is incurable and difficult. It varies from person to person. The symptoms are elusive and insidious. They can be dormant or debilitating. My friend has a road of unpredictability and worry. And I only hope to help make that road a bit more tolerable. 

Like I said, there are so many thoughts and feelings drowning out all the petty shit. So much I want to say. But my friend hasn’t publicly shared anything as far as I know and I do not want to share too much before that personal decision has been made. But I do want to say that I will be here for my friend any day, time or moment I am needed. I will offer anything I can. I will make every effort to be the friend I was long ago. My friend probably will regret getting in touch…because there’s no shakin’ me now!!

Dear This Morning: Bite Me.


It’s not even 10am and this day can kiss my ass!!

Family problems are upsetting me so much that I am having heart palpitations. Yet, I cannot talk about them¬†out of¬†consideration¬†for other people’s sensitivities…and I am about to say fuck it to all that. I am tired of keeping so much inside until I blow. That isn’t me and I don’t like it one bit.

The dishwasher is on it’s last spin.

Bathroom faucet keeps dripping.

Leak in the basement whenever someone takes a shower.

SO much needs to be fixed and/or replaced and not only do we not have the money to do so…but Charlie insists on doing these things himself and it ends up being a yelling, crabby ass horrible nightmare every goddamn time. He is super handy and can fix most things. But plumbing is not his strong suit yet he will try and¬†try. I am so dreading the upcoming days of pipes, endless trips to Menard’s and constant bitchin’. And I sure as shit don’t know where the money is coming from.

I have been trying to teach my daughter (who is 6 and so super smart) how to tie her shoes. Unfortunately, she clearly did not get her intelligence from me because I cannot seem to teach her for the life of me. I feel like a total failure and I get so frustrated. I really want to be a better mom.

For 2 weeks now I have been sticking to a diet of no more than 1200-1300 calories a day. I am exercising at least an hour a day 6 days a week. I am eating so many veggies my face is turning green. The scale…not a budge. I did lose the extra holiday weight right away, as most was probably water weight. And it is a bad time of the month to be doing a weigh in. But still…I was doing these same things last spring and I lost weight consistently. Why is that not happening? I will tell you why. Because I started a new medication and it appears to be having the same effect that the Cymbalta¬†had. I was dreading this. And what is worse…the medication is helping. I cry so much less. I am considerably less angry. My reactions to things are less edgy and emotional and I get over things easier. Its not totally noticeable or like this big huge change, but I do notice the difference – which I need. But at what cost? That weight made me more miserable than the actual clinical depression. Honestly. I hated myself. I didn’t ever want to leave the house. I was completely ashamed and disgusted with the way I looked. I cannot go back to that. And yes, I do understand that is vain and superficial and a little messed up as far as priorities go…but its the truth. I simply do not know what to do.

My job is ridiculous. There are notes left up by the manager which I will not share now, but lets just say…I have them saved. It is like a B version of Office Space¬†only in a restaurant. It is immoral and should be illegal the way they treat their waitstaff. And I am hearing it is like that everywhere now. Yet so many people have little to no choice. They are stuck for one reason or another. I have actually considered doing this job for a whole year and then writing an all tell about my year as a waitress. Not sure if that would be interesting enough to publish however. There is just SO much ridiculous shit. I swear, I am about 2 minutes away from takin’ off my bra, gettin’ a sign and pullin’ a Norma Rae. How there isn’t a union for service workers is beyond me. And the way people tip…are you fucking kidding me?? People obviously must not realize that we do not make a wage. How can you tell me that I did such a great job, thank me¬†over and over¬†and then leave me a 10% tip?? How?? The industry is a complete¬†clusterfuck.

Speaking of work…I have to work on Sunday and I am dreading it. I feel like it ruins the whole weekend. And this is where I am. At the beginning of the weekend. I am suppose to be happy, relaxed and looking forward to a nice weekend with the family. Yet I am stressed, worried, busy, strapped, sad and frustrated. 2011 is supposed to be my year. The year of Heather. I announced it on Facebook and everything. So…when’s this gonna start?? When I start it, you say? Fuck you.

Two positive notes…I have two upcoming events which I love that I have to look forward to. The Little River Band (yes, a dork, I know) is coming to Racine and I received my tickets yesterday. And for my birthday (early gift) my mom bought me tickets to see Kathy Griffin in Milwaukee in February. Super excited. I really love her!!! So…there. I am leaving this blog on a positive note. I get some credit for that, right??