Monthly Archives: September 2009

This is just too funny – Marijuana Overdose 911 Call

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YouTube – Marijuana Overdose 911 Call
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Where I Was September 11, 2001

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On September 10th, 2001, I spent most of the day prone on the bathroom floor.  I rose occasionally to vomit. During these hours I was also crying for what appeared to be no reason at all. Not only was I feeling very nauseated, but I was also in a deep despair that came literally out of nowhere. Everything had been fine. No serious dilemmas, no major issues of any kind to illicit such a reaction. I couldn’t explain to my boyfriend (now my husband) what was wrong. I had no idea. And frankly, I was worried.  I hadn’t eaten anything strange, but I did consider food poisoning.  But with the emotional symptoms…I did have a concern I may be pregnant – even though I didn’t have much of a reason to worry about it.  Later that day I called my Dr. and scheduled an appointment for first thing the next morning. I felt so sick up until then, that I was worried about even making it to the appointment.

 

I was driving across town to my Dr’s office and listening to Bob and Brian on Lazer 103.  They broke out of ‘character’ and announced just as they themselves were learning – a plane had hit the World Trade Center and seconds later, another.  The throat lumps in their familiar and usually soothing voices were almost visible through the airwaves. I was just dumbstruck.  It was like I was just watching a program or that it wasn’t real in some way – perhaps a joke. By the time I pulled into the parking lot, the Pentagon had also been hit.

 

I cannot explain it very well, but as soon as I heard this news – all the nausea and despair I had been feeling the previous 24 hours just lifted.  That’s it. I actually felt it lift out of me like one big breath. It sounds strange, you would think it would have made it worse, but instead, it was simply gone.

 

I walked into the office and I could tell they were not completely up on what was happening. I asked the receptionist if she had heard about the crashes. She was like, “yea, I heard the WTC was hit.” I told her it was hit twice and now the Pentagon. Her expression and demeanor changed quickly. After all, a terrible plane wreck beckons a much different feeling than your country possibly being attacked.

 

I went about my appointment including blood work. As far as they could tell, nothing was physically wrong with me. And no, I was not pregnant.

 

I began to drive to work. I was working in Menomonee Falls at the time and had a very long commute as the main freeway to get there was under construction. As I was about to get onto the highway to head north, I turned the car around. I had to go home. I was truly afraid to be so far from home not knowing what was happening to our country – possibly to the world. I called my boss the when I returned home and told him I wasn’t comfortable going to work that day. I was let go the day after with a minimal severance.  I didn’t even care.

 

Like the rest of the world, my eyes were glued to the TV for the following days. I felt such fear and sadness for what had happened.  But to this day, I cannot really explain the symptoms I had in the hours preceding the attack.  My only guess – considering I have had several other similar occurrences prior to tragedies since then – that it was some kind of precognitive empathic reaction.

 

I did not know anyone involved in the attacks. But it will certainly be a time I will never forget – as much as I’d like to.

Thursday September 10, 2009

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Oh hell, I don’t even know where to start. My mind seems to be racing with intermittent moments of brain narcolepsy.  Kinda hard to focus that way.

 

In the past few months my depression has grown noticeably. I had to finally face the fact that the Cymbalta may no longer be working.  I have read countless stories about the pure agony of weaning off of Cymbalta and have always feared having to one day do so. I did a bunch of internet reading – surprise surprise – about all different medications and options. I finally made and appointment and went in last week with all of my printed info.  Which is funny in a way because when the Dr stepped out of his office I was able to catch a glimpse of my chart. On the notes from my last appointment I noticed the remarks, “she tends to over research on the internet.” And, “She is very medication phobic.”  LOL. Nothing I didn’t know I guess.

 

Anyway, after going over the different meds, their side effects and what not…he finally decided to add another drug to my existing prescription.  So, I still take the Cymbalta and now I am on day 2 of 150 mg of Wellbutrin. Since I am also trying to quit smoking and lose weight, he thought this was the best choice. Wellbutrin is also sold as Zyban – a smoking cessation medication. Along with the new medication I am also taking something called Cerefolin (Deplin). It is basically a potent active form of folate and B12. It is suppose to make the medications work better. Here is some interesting info on Deplin.  I am on Day 7 with that. Can’t say I notice anything from either yet. 

 

I have also not had a cigarette in over 48 hours. SO NOT FUN. I am really determined to do it this time. I know I can. I quit for almost 6 years…I can certainly do it again. I am not sure if this was the best timing, however as I am also PMSing big time and trying to adjust to this new med.

 

As far as side effects go, it is hard to tell what is from the WB, what is from not smoking and what is from my hormonal rage lol. But I am feeling: very hungry, very sleepy, fidgety, anxious, crying jags, IRRITABLE AS HELL, angry, bored and argumentative. Oh, and my boobs hurt.

 

So, I guess we shall see. It can take like a month to really know if the new med is going to work or not.  God, I hope so.  It was (and is at this point yet) getting really bad.  I don’t want to go anywhere, do anything. Like not just laziness…I strongly do not want to do anything or socialize or participate – nothing.  I rarely feel like writing. Kids have been irritating the hell outta me. My husband makes me absolutely furious much of the time. I am completely down on myself in anyway possible. I hate my looks and am mortified if someone from my past sees me for the first time since gaining weight.  I hate how my life turned out – feel very worthless and loser-esque. I feel very stuck in a life which really isn’t THAT bad and I need to jus be able to be happy, be grateful, relax and be a better mom. But it is just something I cannot do by myself. I have been thru years of therapy as well; I think I am pretty much beyond what they can do for me now.

 

I realize many people may think it strange I speak of such personal issues out in public this way.  It is just something that doesn’t bother me even in the least. I don’t feel these illnesses should be taboo or embarrassing. Everyone has their “thing”. No one out there is better than me simply because I was born chemically deficient.  I feel the more people talk about these things, the more the world will be educated, interested and active in finding better solutions.

 

There is much more I want to write about…Obama and Healthcare…Cassidy’s first week of school…etc…so I will write again tomorrow. Now, I need a nap.