Tag Archives: Social media

Breast Cancer: It’s All Fun and Games


Oh goody! I found another thing to be annoyed about and how lucky are you to get this invitation to join in my curmudgeoness. I normally don’t like it when people pretend to be social media police. People do it to me sometimes and it bothers me. So,  I do hate that some of you have put me in the position to flash my own plastic badge. But I simply cannot stop myself.

As you may know, it took me a little while to really have an appreciation for the Ice Bucket Challenge and to realize that it actually was doing a lot of good – even though some people have been intention-challenged about it.  What I am here to bitch about is not the same and I will tell you why.

You must stop playing these insensitive, annoying and imbecilic Facebook games under the guise of breast cancer awareness.

“I just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket.”

“I’ve decided to stop wearing underwear.”

The list goes on. And the more it goes on, the more I want to punch you in the vagina.

Listen, I am sure most of you are wonderful, brilliant people in your own way. I am sure that I may like you as a person and perhaps as a friend. I am sure you have decent intentions. But this…this is foolish. Please stop.

Posting some ridiculous status update is doing NOTHING for people with breast cancer. And what it could be doing is offending and even hurting those who are already going through so much. Imagine having to deal with endless rounds of chemo and radiation. Imagine having to go through the side effects of many medications. Imagine losing your hair and having every muscle in your body ache and burn. Imagine having to have your breasts removed in order to, hopefully, extend your life. Then imagine going on Facebook and seeing people repeatedly playing some GAME about the very serious disease you are currently fighting. Imagine seeing senseless, fake posts about using your BOOBS to get out of a ticket!!! Do you see how stupid this is?

How about the oh so popular No Bra Day? You really think women going through breast cancer treatment want to see your tits jiggling and flopping about? Chances are, no, they do not. Put your goddamn bra back on and make a fucking donation. Or offer to give rides to a person facing cancer. Or bring her cookies. Or help her clean her house. Or volunteer to watch her kids. And please, wear a bra while doing any of those things.

You want to help raise breast cancer awareness (even though I am pretty sure most people are fully aware of its existence)? Help educate people. While everyone not living under a rock has heard of breast cancer, they may not know all of the facts. Instead of posting some vague status that isn’t the least bit humorous, post a fact about breast cancer. Or you can post the link to where people can donate.

Sorry if I sound mean and bitchy. But someone needs to tell you guys the truth. These silly games help no one. And they are not even entertaining. If you are going to perpetuate silliness – at least, for the love of Pete, make it FUNNY. And hey, if these games one day morph into something that raises over 80 million dollars – then, perhaps, I will change my tune. In the meantime, I have to go yell at some kids on my lawn.


Hyperbolic Envy for Breakfast


I never thought I would actually admit this publicly. It is embarrassing and I worry that people I actually like will hold it against me. I mean, really, it makes me sound so petty and unevolved. Kinda humiliating actually. But you know me…it is hard to keep my mouth shut when a thought makes its way into my thick skull.

Anyway…here goes it…

I am jealous of you.

(long belly sigh of relief with a touch of apprehension)

Yea, You. On Facebook. You make me feel those envious feelings with which I have always struggled.

Your constant happiness furrows my forehead. Your successes lead me down the road of inferiority. It’s all your fault that l feel poopy. And I just thought you should know.

Okay, fine. Maybe it’s not ALL your fault. But still…sometimes I do find myself in Poopyville covered in self-pity and resentment after reading my timeline.

I suck, don’t I? I mean, shouldn’t I feel happy for you? Shouldn’t I live a better life knowing that your’s is impeccable and graceful? And it’s not that I want bad things to happen to you. I would, honestly, rather you be content and pleased with your life. Really. Truly.

It’s just that I want that shiny happy life too.

Your kids are flawless. They always get good grades and special admiration from their teachers. I can see from your shared quotes that they say things far beyond their years and are clearly genius and way smarter than my kids. Your children clean their rooms, make you breakfast and never ever drive you to madness.

Your marriage reflects one of a romance novel. You two always post sweet messages to one another. All of your pictures are kissy kissy. And you never, ever fight. You’ve never even considered couple’s therapy; you’d never need it. In fact, you’re probably teaching your own “How to Have the Perfect Marriage” seminar. You don’t understand how anyone could ever cheat. Divorce is not in your vocabulary and your in-laws love you more than your own family – which is quite the feat since your family thinks you shit gold.

You don’t watch TV. You don’t have time for such drivel. And you have read every book on Oprah’s list and know the classics by heart.

You spend your vacations snorkeling in Hawaii and hiking in Costa Rica. And every holiday you serve food to the homeless.

You run 12 miles a day, when you have a cold. You enter every marathon and 5k within a 20 mile radius. And you’ve lost 8 pounds since Monday. You call yourself “bad” if you add cheese to your quinoa. And you only eat cake on your birthday. You buy all organic and haven’t had meat in 6 years.

You have 3495 friends. They all know you and like everything you post. You’re at a different party every weekend and have a girl’s night out once a week. You’re friends with all of your exes and they fawn over every picture you post. You never have to be alone except when you meditate, which you do 20 minutes each day.

You are a yoga master and can bend in the most unnatural positions. You look great in a bikini after 4 kids and 2 C-sections. Your boobs have never sagged because of your stellar genetics. And you function wonderfully on only 5 hours of sleep. You are wrinkle free and swear it is because you wear sunscreen even in the dark.

You have three degrees, work 10 hours a day and volunteer for every field trip.

You never yell or scream or swear. You live in a place of peace and positivity. You don’t complain or insult. Your self-confidence is genuine and unwavering. You are lovely in every way and when you die, the world will suddenly tilt to one side.

I want to be you. I have no excuses. I have to create the change. And perhaps I will do just that. Right after this 4th fun sized Snickers and episode of Real Housewives.

Facebook: Friend or Foe?

There are many times throughout one’s life when the person needs to reassess, reevaluate a particular segment of their life and consider its value verses its detriment. This can often result in a dichotomy which leaves the person conflicted and unsure. I am having one of these moments. And that segment is Facebook.
I have been on Facebook for many years now…not too long after it started being available to the open public. I have found it to be remarkable when considering how many people in my life whom I was able to be reintroduced after long, long periods of time. I think it is an outstanding tool in organizing events, finding people with similar interests and keeping up on the latest news. It is a great way to share what you feel is important to the world. And it can be simply a fun release at the end of a long day. But it has turned into more than just that.
More often lately I am finding myself walking away from Facebook in a worse mood from when I logged on. The hermit in me is so frequently reminded that people can be extraordinarily petty, rude, mean and argumentative.  I so often witness that the internet – anonymous or not – can be a hot bed of hostility.  Almost as often as you find someone who shares similar views and interests – you find just as many who are willing to tear down your views, interests and you as a person. It is a tough world out there and I have a feeling kids will be far beyond prepared for that once they enter the “real world” now that they have Facebook as a stepping stone.
Recently an old friend of mine emailed me privately and, as kindly as possible, asked why I had so many mean friends. She wondered why I have so many people on my FB who talked to me like shit. I guess I didn’t really have a good answer. After you are on Facebook for a while, friends come and go. Some you know from 30 years ago…some whom are a friend of a friend. Some may be the people you work with at your new job…hell, you can even friend your favorite band. I still haven’t figured out how to delete all the stupid groups, pages and events I have “liked” over the years either intentionally or otherwise…they still sit there like a pile of trash on my Facebook porch. Sometimes you remember why you stopped hanging out with a certain person or why you got into that fight in 7th grade. Sometimes you are shocked to find the guy who tried to devirginize you at 14 is now a Bible thumping tight ass. You may find your best old friend from the Grateful Dead concerts is now a Tea Party member. It’s crazy, man.
Anyway, so…this becomes my realization – that Facebook is causing annoyance, irritation, anxiety, frustration…how does that balance with the comradery, keeping up with current information/news, staying in touch with those otherwise far away, watching hilarious videos posted by your “friends” and all the other warm fuzzies which may appear once in a blue moon.  (Wow, that was a long ass sentence. Sorry.) 
Now that I am writing for Patch I like to have the venue of Facebook to share my writing – same with my blogs. I can also find material easier, answers quicker and many story ideas. And I really like being able to share info which I am privy to with others. I am also friends with a lot of political people who are excellent with keeping their “friends” informed. This all helps me as a writer. But the crabbiness after a disagreement, the sadness when a “friend” treats me poorly or the frustration stemming from the hateful words of others – friends and strangers…I am not sure it is worth all that. 
So, what do you do. Deactivate, right? I could leave Facebook all together. I am sure I would eventually get over the withdraw symptoms with some Advil, soup, a garbage can and a wet towel. I could start all over and chose my “friends”, groups, pages, etc. more wisely. But then I would have to kinda hide from those I chose now not to be friends with. I would have to be secretive and if you know me…that isn’t how I live my life.  I could keep the account specifically and exclusively for sharing and receiving information. This is the best choice…but probably the most difficult to stick to. It would be just too easy to post a question or ask advice or share some good news…it would still be so accessible. Not sure if abstaining would be possible.
I know I cannot be the only one with these feelings. I am sure there are plenty of people who are not NEARLY as sensitive as I am and are able to see and use Facebook as simply a means for entertainment…people who can walk away with no emotional residue whatsoever. I really envy those kinds of people. But I am not one. Toxicity sticks to me like last night’s garlic. So, I am not really sure what I am going to do. But it seems more and more clear what I SHOULD do.