Tag Archives: diet

LCHF: Worth a Try…We Shall See…



I have written about my weight before. Some may even think I talk about it too much. Or, at least, worry about it too much. I suppose I would agree. I certainly don’t want my daughter to be as concerned with her body image as I have been with mine. I get to the point of beating myself up mentally whenever I look in the mirror. I cry. I yell. I throw my clothes on the ground and refuse to leave the house (this isn’t a regular thing, but it has happened). I would never want Cassidy to feel this way – so why do I do it to myself? It has been ingrained in my head since childhood that how we look is the basis of our value. Cognitively, I know that is crap…but my subconscious sees my fat or cellulite or signs of aging as unworthiness. It truly is fucked up. And telling me “stop feeling that way” is about as productive as telling a depressed person to “cheer up”. Believe me, if I could – I would.

So, a little background…When I was pregnant 11 years ago, I gained 70+ pounds. Shortly before becoming pregnant, I went on a beta blocker for my heart – so that didn’t help. After having her – using a multiple of dieting methods – I was able to lose some but a big chunk wouldn’t budge. I honestly tried everything. Finally, I went off of a medication (cymbalta) and the rest fell off with sensible eating. I lost over 30 pounds in less than 3 months. And I kept it off for a number of years.

In 2014, my medical issues got worse, I had surgery and then post op complications (the whole antibiotic thing I wrote about a few months ago) – I gained about 30 in a fairly short block of time. And with my liver injury – my body has been holding onto fat for dear life. Again, it just wouldn’t budge. Over the last year, I have VERY slowly been able to lose about 13 pounds. But that stalled a few months ago and no matter what, the rest just won’t leave.

So, I have decided to try the LCHF (basically, Atkins) diet to get things progressing. I do not know if this will work. I do know that I have never really tried this before. I want to lose 15 lbs but would be happy with 10. It isn’t like I have a shit load to lose. So, I realize my results won’t be like those who lose 10 pounds in one week. And there ARE a lot of people like that.

But I want to make this clear – I will never be a militant dieter. I am of the mindset that life is so very short and I plan on enjoying as much of it as I can until I can’t. And, yes, that includes cake. I enjoy food. I am not addicted. I am not obsessed. I enjoy it. It is a great pleasure in life and I will never be one of those people who simply use it as fuel. That just isn’t me. During those years when I kept the weight off – I basically ate healthy, fairly low carb most of the week. On weekends and vacations, I allowed myself to splurge. I am happy with that way of eating.

So far on the LCHF (2.5 days) – I have lost 2 lbs. And I can even see the difference already. We shall see where this goes as it is certainly worth a try. The food is most definitely limited – but also very filling. I am trying to keep my net carbs (carbs minus fiber) under 25 grams per day. This isn’t easy, but so far has been do-able. But if I have a piece of cake at a party or some corn at a fair – I am not going to torture myself as though I am some kind of failure. Because, really, what I want more than anything is to be okay with what I am and how I look in each moment. I am 41. I will never look 20 again. And it simply is not fair to myself to expect that and punish myself because I don’t.

If anyone is interested in learning about LCHF…I will put a couple of videos below. There is also a lot of info HEREBut, again, I am not pushing this diet…not even recommending it yet. I think the science is very interesting and I have seen a shit load of success stories and I am trying it. That’s all. At this point anyway 😉


That Self Loathing Time of Year Again…


Not much bloggin’ lately. I guess when I am not writing for Patch I am just not writing. Gesh, what do you people want from me??!! Yea right, as if anyone has noticed.

Well, let’s play a little ketchup. Oh, sorry. I am super hungry. I meant to say catch up.

Going through the whole weight and medication fiasco again. I am super frustrated and worried and quite frankly, pissed. If you are new to my blog – you can see these posts regarding past weight & body image issues (as tho they are past – NOT):




Anyway, long story short…

2003 – Just quit smoking and was between 140 & 145 (I am 5’6”)

2003 – Got preggo and gained 80+ pounds due to going on a beta blocker.

2004 – Had baby and lost some weight.

2007 – Went on Cymbalta.

2007-2010 – Could not lose a pound to save my life. Tried everything.

2010 – Went off Cymbalta, continued with same exercise and diet, lost 32 lbs in less than 3 months.

2011 – Stayed at same weight for almost a year…not too strict with diet tho and stopped logging food. Didn’t gain, but no further loss.

October 2011 – Went on Lamictal and have since gained 6 pounds.

All the docs said that the Cymbalta couldn’t be effecting my weight. Though I knew they were wrong. Clearly. Now my doc said the same about Lamictal and I am starting to feel that sense of failure again. Last week I started a super strict diet and increased my exercise – which was already a lot. I had a calorie differential of over 700-950 each day last week. I didn’t lose a single pound. FURIOUS.

So, I am considering going of the Lamictal. I don’t know how much it really helps me anyway. If anything I think it makes me less reactionary…not so ‘fly off the handle-ish’. But the major problems are still there – obsessive thinking, horrible self image, depression, lack of interest or motivation. But the thing is, going off Cymbalta was pure hell. I don’t want to go through that again. I also don’t want to fall into a deeper depression. But I REFUSE to ride that roller coaster of hard work and constant disappointment ever again!! It was just so defeating.

I just don’t know what else to do. I have about 1 month before boat time (if that) and 2 months until Charlies reunion (same High School, one year ahead). I have to lose this weight and I just don’t know what else I could possibly do. Now, this is a bad week if you know what I mean, ladies (wink wink…gag). So, I guess we will see if that makes a difference at my Monday weigh in a week from today. It better be HUGE.

I am so sick of feeling horrible about myself. I am always the ugliest in the room. Everyone is always thinner, far more talented, funnier, smarter and all around more appealing in every way. This is how I see the landscape of my life anytime I go ANYwhere. I feel like my clothes are ugly, my hair is awful, my skin is messed up and I am just way too fat. I absolutely cannot go on feeling like this day in and day out.

Anyway, I am back on SparkPeople, logging all my food and exercise. I am trying to keep my daily calories (with one cheat day a week…without going crazy of course) under 1300. I am on the dreadmill for 45-60 minutes 5-6 days a week. I do yoga or similar exercise on the Wii about 3-4 times a week for at least 15 minutes. Last week I was trying to drink 2 veggie smoothies (will put some ‘recipes’ below) a day, have a big ass salad and a lean cuisine for dinner. When hungry I eat some chicken breast, hard boiled egg, fat free popcorn or steamed vegetables. And I am logging everything into SparkPeople. I plan on continuing that this week as well.

I am also adding Chia Seed Gel to many dishes as well. It has no taste whatsoever and is suppose to make you feel full longer, not to mention a crap load of fiber, omega 3s and a bunch of other good for you crap.

I also have refurbished my MTWTFSS pill box (because I am fucking EIGHTY) with some very helpful advice from Sunday Muniz at Nutritional Designs. I have had to greatly increase my dosage of some things I was already taking – B12, Fish Oil and D3. I am also adding a couple and subtracting a couple from the routine.

I am going to give this a couple weeks. Maybe 2-3. If I still see NOTHING, I will likely start weaning off Lamictal. God help me.

Okay…gotta accomplish something now…something exciting…like laundry. Awesome.

Here are a couple of my concoctions:

In ALL the smoothies is the following:

About a shot of some healthy low sugar/cal drink

(I have used Bolthouse Farms varieties, Diet V8 Splash or 0 Calorie Sobe LifeWater)

½ or whole scoop of Designer Vanilla Whey Powder 

3 Tbsp of Chia Seed Gel

Dash of Cayenne Pepper

Dash of Stevia


Then you add a handful of 2 of the following: 

Raw Baby Spinach, Kale, Parsley (great diuretic, I am peeing constantly…I should get some Depends),

Mixed Greens, Lettuce, Cucumber, Carrots, Celery 


And about ¼ cup of two or three of the following:

Sliced Banana, Strawberries, Pineapple, Apple, Pear, Peaches – any fruit really.


I also will sometimes add a dash of either Coconut, Strawberry or Vanilla Extract.


A couple ice cubes and blend it up in the little Magic Bullet thingy.

I put a dab of Fat Free Redi Whip and drink away.

Truly are very good and SUPER healthy, low cal, low fat, high fiber.

Try it!! No. Seriously. Do it now or I will be pissed.

Indulging Comes to an End


You have heard of Fat Tuesday, right? This week I am celebrating the innovative new holiday known (to me) as Fat Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…yea. Not YEA like hooray. I mean yea like…sigh. So, there is no fooling myself that these past months I have not in anyway been vigilant about my eating. I have kept up with the exercise, but I have been eating much worse much more often than I should. And the results of my neglect are now showing…at a theater near you. Seriously, the pants are a little snug, I look super bloated in pictures and its just not a pretty sight all around – and a do mean a ROUND.

The “plan” was to start my new, healthy weight loss lifestyle today. Nothing major or weird. Just back to what I did at this time last year when I lost 30 pounds. Healthy food 90% of the time, 1100-1400 calories a day, log every bite and continue with the exercise (and use a new Wii program in addition) – that’s the “plan”. I also want to incorporate 3 other rules which I didn’t commit to last time.

  • Better Sleep — I will make an effort to be asleep by 11pm — TV off (it often gets left on through the night, impairing my sleep)


  • Eat Breakfast!! I will be doing a fruit and veggie smoothie each morning and will try to eat small balanced meals throughout the day. Now, I barely eat anything during the day and then chow the fuck down every night. Not cool.


  • No night eating!! I must make a strong effort to eating nothing after 9pm. I don’t care if I have to take a sleeping pill. I need to stop this night eating habit.


So, this is the “plan”. It was supposed to start today. It didn’t.

We have all these snacks from vacation left over, easter candy galore, pina colada mix which needs to be used, tons of left over ham – food that I need OUT of the house before I start this diet. I have no self control and I simply cannot allow these triggers to be left in the home. Don’t shed tears for the kids and husband. They get plenty. I simply buy them snacks they like that I do not. That way I am not tempted.

While on our trip I discovered that Iowa should really be called “Stairway to Fucking Everywhere”. I am not kidding. Everywhere we went there were stairs to be climbed..and not a few steps, I am talking huffing and puffing. Yesterday on the way home we stopped at a few parks and did quite a bit of hiking. I am not a hiker and it wasn’t really the intention. But it was beautiful and worth it (HERE are pics) but HOLY HELL!! Even with all the exercise I do..I cannot believe how sore my legs are. I can barely walk!! My calves are so tight and crampy and burning. Now, I did also use the weight machine at the hotel and did A LOT that I usually don’t do (no access to equipment) and I wore heels Saturday night which I also do not do very often. So I am sure it all played a part in the reason there is NO WAY I could exercise today. Owwwwiiieeee!!! Regardless of the discomfort – I will be back on the dreadmill tomorrow. If I miss more than a day, I feel horrible about myself.

These are the reasons – not excuses…damnit…REASONS – I could not start the new “plan” today. But I have committed myself to doing this. I need to feel better – physically and emotionally. I will lose these last 10 lbs by July. I will look good for that damn reunion. I will feel better about wearing a swimsuit this summer.

As I said, part of getting back into the healthier lifestyle I will be incorporating smoothies. At least for the first couple weeks. The idea is to have a veggie & fruit smoothie for breakfast and one for lunch. A big salad and healthy dinner in the evening. The morning smoothie will also have protein (whey powder) and both will have chia seeds. I have ordered both the powder and seeds and they should be arriving on Friday. I have also ordered a new workout program for the Wii called My Fitness Coach.

So, by this weekend the junk food will be gone and my new products will arrive. I will take this week to start getting into the swing of things and by Monday the “plan” goes into full effect. I am nervous. It is like when you watch Intervention and the addicts refuse to go to rehab even though you are sitting there screaming at your TV because you know how much better their lives could be…but they are just so scared to give it up…to committ…to fail. Yea, its like that. I am out loud holding myself accountable. So failing would be quite a heavy burden. And very depressing. So, it is kinda scary. I mean, I LOVE my food, my sugar, my salt. I love going out to eat. But I know I will love feeling good about myself even more.

But I know I can do this. It was only one year ago that I lost 30 pounds, many inches AND quit smoking. If I could do that…this should be a walk in Hershey Park, right?? Cross your taste buds for me…

Ho..Ho..Holy Shit I Got Fat!!!


New Years and all it’s resolution bullshit. I hate being such a conformist, but I had no choice. I have joined the 7.3 billion people who have, this last week, started on a new health kick because society tells us January is the time to do so. Oh, and also because my fat was returning like the loser 30 year old who keeps coming back to his mom’s basement. My resolution – to not only lose the last 10 lbs getting me to my goal weight…but also the extra 5 I’ve gained in the past couple months. DOH!!

I hadn’t been weighing myself in a LONG time. Since summer. I also haven’t been logging my calories or following any real diet for months now. I HAVE stuck with the exercise and I have been eating healthy MOST of the time…but not as often as I should. And then the holidays – from Halloween until New Years – gave me the big fat finger  (the big fat belly, actually).

We received a Wii Fit for Christmas and when I stepped on to set up my profile…the carpeting began to rip from the seams and a huge hole began to swallow me into the floor. Well, at least that is what I felt like when I saw my new weight. I lost those 32 pounds and I was very proud of that. But I keep forgetting that I am older and now I will really have to work at staying thinner. And I am not even where I need to be yet!! In all, I have 10-15 lbs I want to lose by summer. I have to do this. I will do this. I need to do this.

I want to be hot. Well, I know that is reaching. How about warm?? I want to be warm. I want to sit on the couch without a throw pillow masked as amour visually protecting my gut. I want to look as good as I can without doing something drastic or unhealthy. I am, however, kind of in a pickle. Mmmmm….pickles…..

Okay, so I was on Wellbutrin since April. The first 4 months or so were really great in the way it made me less obsessive, have less of an appetite and I picked less (ie. the good ole trichatillomania). But then it started to poop out. It still helped to some degree, but it was also making me VERY irritable and angry – or at least it considerably added to the anger and irritability which already existed. It was quite noticeable, really. I was more rage filled than ever in my life (except during my cymbalta withdraw for which I am SO lucky I am not currently serving time…now THAT was psycho ass shit).

In November I started Lamictal. For several weeks I have been on what I think will be my therapeutic dose – 100mg. Doc said that I could try quitting the Wellbutrin if I wanted to once I was on the full dose of Lamictal. I do feel this new med is working. Not to where I am waking up singing Julie Andrew tunes and whistling with the birds in the morning. Not even to the point where I feel secure, great, positive or refreshed. I still feel like grumpy ole me. But with the crusts cut off. I feel a little less reactive, less apt to cry at the drop of degree and less angry. A very subtle smoothing of the edges, I suppose.  So, 2 weeks ago I stopped the Wellbutrin.

Like I said, when I first started it really kept my appetite in check. The Wellbutrin helped as I continued losing the weight AND quit smoking. It was very disappointing when those effects started to lessen. So, I decided to stop it for a while and see how this next weight loss goal goes without it. But I also have to factor in the Lamictal. Some gain on it and some don’t. Right now I am basically crossing my fingers (legs, arms, tits…everything)  that this 5 pound gain was only from my poor eating habits as of late. I mean, come on….I ate chocolate, ham, stuffing, cake, cookies, licorice, prime rib….like nobody’s business. Seriously…it’s none of your damn business!! Shiiiiiittttt.

Anyway, so…here I am again at step one. I have a lot to lose and on an iffy medication (remember that for YEARS on the cymbalta I couldn’t lose an ounce no matter how hard I worked…how little I ate….the cymbalta blocked all weight loss efforts. It was only when I went off of it when the pounds started to come off). So, if I notice that may be happening again…no loss with great effort, I will go back on the Wellbutrin and pray to the heavens that it will help again the second time around. I would really like to give the Lamictal a chance. (Looking up to the sky…Please PLEASE let this med work without ANY weight problems…please!!!)

Well…anyway. Ugh. I hate all this weight shit. It makes me so obsessive and I feel as though I suddenly have an eating disorder. I am ashamed when I eat. I am embarrassed and very pissed that I gained. When I eat something I shouldnt…or more than I should have…I beat myself up like you cannot imagine. There is literal HATE for myself. Self loathing at its best…or is it worst? It’s shitty nonetheless. I don’t want to be this way anymore.

This past Monday I started with www.Sparkpeople.com again. I weigh, measure and log everything I eat. I log all of my fitness. I do 40-60 minutes of dreadmill 5-6 days a week. And I do about 30-60 minutes of Wii Fit (that Hula Hoop game can KISS MY ASS!!) about 5 days a week. It’s a lot of exercising for a person who still to this day despises it!!! Honestly, I would rather pluck a rabid chicken. And I know I will not be able to do this indefinitely. I eat all healthy food…a crap load of veggies, whole grains, lean meats. I give myself one cheat day a week…but I don’t go crazy and still try to make better choices and not stuff myself. This is what I did when I lost the weight last Spring and I hope really super crazy hard that it will work this time too.

So, you will likely be subjected to more whining about weight, exercise, lack of chocolate. I will be feeling bitchy, deprived and really irritated that I am no longer skinny with a 20 year old’s metabolism. How fucking unfair is that??!! Screw you big fat belly and weak food addicted brain!! GAWD!!! Anyway, I apologize in advance for the extra whining. Oh hell, who are we kidding…you’d probably never even notice a difference…

Talk at ya later.

Black Friday Super Deal from The Fresh Diet!!!



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On November 26th for 24 hours (ends midnight pacific time), we will be offering our best prices of the year…

$29.99 per day for The Fresh Diet’s Premium Choice Plan.  Regular price for this is $44.99.  

You will be able to lock in as many 31 day blocks as you like up to a full year. 

If you want more flexibility, you can order any amount of days up to 365.  Minimum is 31 days. 

Now this is important: This is the last time we will be offering The Fresh Diet for $29.99 a day.

This price will NOT be repeated again after Cyber Monday!!!

This Black Friday Special ends midnight pacific time the 26th  and for only 24 hours on Cyber Monday.

All you have to do is contact The Fresh Diet:

1. Phone 1-866-373-7450

2. Web landing page (specific to promo) http://www.thefreshdiet.com/blackfriday

As our tummies and cravings are probably aware…Thanksgiving is a mere 2 days away. And of course, it likely does not end there. Turkey sandwiches, left over pumpkin pie, midnight sneakings of sausage stuffing…it could go on for days!! And after all of that many of us are left feeling stuffed and guilty and in search of some healthy help. Well, I have a GREAT option for you!!!

How would you like to have fresh, delicious meals delivered to your door daily? No cooking, no prep, no trans fats, no heart clogging grease….just healthy fresh food prepared by The Fresh Diet.

The Fresh Diet is unique and gourmet and will make you feel like as though you live in the Hollywood Hills with your own personal chef. From Smoked Salmon to Cobb Salad to Strawberry Cheesecake, your taste buds will be grateful and so will your waistline. This is the perfect way to lose that extra poundage before the New Year. Just think…a New Year’s resolution you do not have to waste on weight loss!!

Grilled London broil with haricot verts and celery root puree  Crusted goat cheese salad with Asian pears and almonds on a bed of mecsuline lettuce 

From The Fresh Diet website…here is what you need to know:

What is The Fresh Diet?
Fresh Diet is America’s Premier Daily Diet Delivery Service. Although there are many frozen & vacuum packed diet delivery programs out there, there are only a handful of services throughout the country that offer Fresh Daily Diet Delivery service where your meals are delivered fresh to your doorstep everyday as opposed to once a week via a costly overnight FED-EX fee.

Obviously the other advantages besides shipping prices are better quality fresh meals that have been cooked just hours earlier in addition to not having to store a week’s worth of meals in your usually not abundant spaced fridge.

Fresh diet has changed the way Diet Delivery will be forever with our one-of-a-kind online system that allows our clients full access over their diet and how it runs. We allow our clients to choose online all of their meals from over 4 different options for each meal daily.

We also offer our clients to choose any of their food allergies and dislikes and have our chefs create spectacular dishes for them daily while always keeping out any of their forbidden foods.

Besides leading the way with our incredible menu and variety option, we are known to have GREAT GOURMET food. While serving our clients 3 meals and 2 snacks daily we have a great opportunity to make all types of different delicious dishes. When eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, or one of their two snacks, our clients are always amazed at how delicious a diet can be.

Seriously, who wouldn’t love this help to get back on track or to start a whole new way of eating healthy??!! And now is the very best time to sign up!!