A few months ago I started a Thank You list to the people in my life I have wanted to thank. Well, I have decided that I would also like to make an apology list. This will be slow going but I would like to start off with one apology that has been nagging me for about 10 years. I will use the same type of format as I did with the Thank Yous.
Dan Skvarka – Now, this like I said has been bothering me for many many years. He probably doesnt even remember me – let alone the conversation. But I have to get it off my chest. We were both servers at The Chancery about 10-11 years ago. One night after our shifts we were in the bar having a drink. My parents had just moved about an hour away and I said to him, “I miss my mom.” Right as the words left my mouth I remembered that his mother had died just a couple years prior in an auto crash. I instantly felt like crawling into a deep hole and vomiting. He just replied, “Yea, me too.” He wasn’t snotty, mean, didn’t try to make me feel bad at all…he just had a grin and said ‘Yea, me too’. I have carried this stupid comment around with me for so long. And I would like to apologize for being thoughtless and not thinking before speaking. I am sorry, Dan.
Kevin Nuernberger – You treated me so well. Much better than I deserved at the time. You were a true friend. Very caring. And I took that for granted. I did always appreciate it, but I didn’t give back to what I was getting. I let our friendship slip away and I will forever be ashamed and saddened for that. You were and I am sure ARE a wonderful guy. I hope every person that comes across your path realizes that and shows you the way I should have. I am sorry, Kevin.
Stephanie Nichols, Kimmer (cannot for the life of me remember you last name and I apologize for that too!), Paige Putning-Kuypers, Wendy Christensen – I was an irresponsible roommate. I did not pay my bills on time. I was in my own little world. I went through a few years when I was completely living outside of reality. I was self centered and childish and lazy. I feel a lot of shame for the way I lived during that time in my life. I am sorry guys.
Nancy Burke – I blew up at you a number of times when I was upset, hurt or disagreed with you. I should have acted composed and thought before speaking. I said some disrespectful things to you. I am sorry, Nancy.
To a girl whose name I no longer know (I was recently told her married name is now Heidi Johnson) – While working for a confidential employer I did something that was unethical, against the rules, and just plain insensitive. I shared information with another person and I have always felt horrible about it. You called me out on it one night in a bar and even though I apologized I always wish I had a chance to show you that I am really not that mean, insensitive person I am sure you thought me to be (and had every right to). This was many many years ago, but I do wish I remembered your name so you can get the apology you deserve. I am so sorry.
Carin (Spang) Keland – We were great friends in middle school and into high school. I cherished you and our friendship more than I am sure you ever realized. And yet, my stupid, selfish, teenage self allowed my poor actions to interfere with our friendship. I hurt you and I am not sure if I ever truly apologized. I really am sorry. I am sorry you were betrayed. I am sorry I caused you pain. And I am sorry I took our friendship away. I always miss it – and you – dearly. I think my parents miss you the most LOL!!
Like I said – this is a work in progress and there are MANY more (unfortunatly) to come…
God, this post is going to make me sound like a horrid person. But I really want to take accountability for things I have done to hurt people. I want to apologize. This is the best way I know how.