What I Want…Too Much to Ask??


Since I am being negative and gloomy and such a whiney, bitchy mess….I figured, hell…let’s share the misery. Yea, I am fuckin’ generous like that. You’re welcome.

You know…its not like I ask for a lot. I don’t pray for riches (while I would love it…I know I don’t need it). I don’t expect perfection. I don’t need fancy things, a model’s body or a million friends. So, what DO I want?? Here is my wish list. It is not my bucket list. It is not a dream list of unattainable goals and goodies. These are things I see in the lives of others every day…things I feel like I should and could have if only I figured out how.


I want to feel contentment a good portion of the time.

I want to feel healthy most of the time.

I want to feel happiness more often than not.

I want to lose 10 pounds. I don’t need to wear bikinis again…I don’t need a knock out bod. I just want to wear a swimsuit without the self loathing.

I want some energy. Not a lot. I have no desire to run a marathon. I just want to know what it feels like to NOT be exhausted all of the time.

I want to be able to drink a coffee or a drink without worrying what it will do to my heart.

I never want to have to worry about my heart at all.

I don’t want to ever be concerned with dying…never ever again.

I want to find peace in the here and now.

I want to accept death and be okay with it.

I want to have a belief in an afterlife.

I want to be able to let go of past mistakes, things which have been done to me and things I have done to others.

I want to stop the what ifs.

I want to get rid of all regrets.

I want to let go of my need for control.

I want a friend or two I can REALLY love and count on.

I want to be myself without worrying what and how people think about me.

I want true confidence and self esteem.

I want to feel genuine self worth.

I want laughter to be a part of every single day.

I want to KNOW that the kids will be happy and healthy their whole lives.

I want to feel that my husband will truly love me no matter what.

I want to know that Cassidy will always be very near by – by choice.

I want my mother and brother to have total respect for and pride in me.

I want to become a better writer.

I want to be one of those happy, fun, close families.

I want to stop being sad about not having more children.

I want my step daughter to one day see the truth about how much I cared for and loved her while she was young.

I want to be a great mother.

I want people to feel better for having known me.

I want my kids to grow up with compassion, manners and humility.

I want to go to Hawaii before I die.

I want to live to be a vibrant, healthy old old woman.

I want to let go of all negativity to make room for the positive.

I want to stop judging others and them to stop judging me.

I want a country who cares more about people than money.

I want to feel pretty once in a while.

I want to face problems as molehills, not mountains.

To be continued….


About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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