Since I am being negative and gloomy and such a whiney, bitchy mess….I figured, hell…let’s share the misery. Yea, I am fuckin’ generous like that. You’re welcome.
You know…its not like I ask for a lot. I don’t pray for riches (while I would love it…I know I don’t need it). I don’t expect perfection. I don’t need fancy things, a model’s body or a million friends. So, what DO I want?? Here is my wish list. It is not my bucket list. It is not a dream list of unattainable goals and goodies. These are things I see in the lives of others every day…things I feel like I should and could have if only I figured out how.
I want to feel contentment a good portion of the time.
I want to feel healthy most of the time.
I want to feel happiness more often than not.
I want to lose 10 pounds. I don’t need to wear bikinis again…I don’t need a knock out bod. I just want to wear a swimsuit without the self loathing.
I want some energy. Not a lot. I have no desire to run a marathon. I just want to know what it feels like to NOT be exhausted all of the time.
I want to be able to drink a coffee or a drink without worrying what it will do to my heart.
I never want to have to worry about my heart at all.
I don’t want to ever be concerned with dying…never ever again.
I want to find peace in the here and now.
I want to accept death and be okay with it.
I want to have a belief in an afterlife.
I want to be able to let go of past mistakes, things which have been done to me and things I have done to others.
I want to stop the what ifs.
I want to get rid of all regrets.
I want to let go of my need for control.
I want a friend or two I can REALLY love and count on.
I want to be myself without worrying what and how people think about me.
I want true confidence and self esteem.
I want to feel genuine self worth.
I want laughter to be a part of every single day.
I want to KNOW that the kids will be happy and healthy their whole lives.
I want to feel that my husband will truly love me no matter what.
I want to know that Cassidy will always be very near by – by choice.
I want my mother and brother to have total respect for and pride in me.
I want to become a better writer.
I want to be one of those happy, fun, close families.
I want to stop being sad about not having more children.
I want my step daughter to one day see the truth about how much I cared for and loved her while she was young.
I want to be a great mother.
I want people to feel better for having known me.
I want my kids to grow up with compassion, manners and humility.
I want to go to Hawaii before I die.
I want to live to be a vibrant, healthy old old woman.
I want to let go of all negativity to make room for the positive.
I want to stop judging others and them to stop judging me.
I want a country who cares more about people than money.
I want to feel pretty once in a while.
I want to face problems as molehills, not mountains.
To be continued….