Heart Anxiety – I Cannot Go Through This Again!!

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Boy am I pissed. I feel like I put the car in reverse just to go back to that pit was I able to drive from seemingly long ago. I know it is unhealthy and the worst thing for me…but I cannot seem to get my foot off the accelerator.

GAD – Generalized Anxiety Disorder – is something I deal with on a daily basis. This is no shock or surprise. I am in therapy for it and have been gradually getting better at dealing with it. But the panic, terror and constant fear is something I thought I had left in the dust several years ago. At one time in my life, I was having severe panic attacks almost every single day. That is when I started taking klonopin and since then – I have been pretty ok. No real full blown attacks since. But sadly, I feel myself regressing.

The fear has reintroduced itself to my life and I am trying SO hard to squash it. Just like it was in my 20s, this is all sparked by my heart symptoms. This past week, my PACs (feels like a skipped beat…very noticable) have been much worse than normal. They are always worse the week prior to my period…but this month has been more frequent than usual.

I am letting this consume me. It has taken over. I still try to be normal…cooks meals for the family, clean, shop, even exercise (tho much lighter). But all the while I am filled with anxiety and fear and worry. I am living in a world of what if-s and why me-s.

I have an appointment tomorrow with a cardiologist for a second opinion. Read HERE for more info on that situation. I just learned that all my records may not be ready on time and I am now really pissed off. I feel it is very important he has all the tests to read over. Charlie took off work to bring me and I NEED this to be tomorrow. I cannot wait longer. I have made it my goal that after this consult, I will get back to my normal life and leave this behind. I promised myself. So this needs to happen tomorrow.

My mom works with this Dr. and thinks very highly of him. His staff was excellent in getting me in whenever I wanted and are eager to help me. I feel good about going. But I am worried I won’t have all the info he needs.

I should also say that the staff where my current EP is is also great. They have been helpful and understanding. But I do fear the Dr. may be pushing for a procedure I may not need. I need to be sure.

By this time tomorrow I want to be calm and reassured. I want to laugh and enjoy my life. I deserve it damnit. I will NOT live like this again. Too many years were wasted on constant anxiety attacks…constant terror. I will NOT do that again.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

One response »

  1. Pingback: Answers! A Second Opinion Success « Ramblings of a Neurotic Housewife

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