I have discussed my flip floppy, fast, crazy fucked up heart issues occasionally throughout the years. HERE is one blog…and HERE is another. Those posts go over all the basics as well as some of the fun, fun detail.
Long story short…
In my 20s my heart would flip flop and sometimes race. I made several trips to the ER (ER stands for Errrrr, I don’t know whats wrong with you…). I would be patted on the head, given a xanax and told I need to see a shrink (as if I wasn’t already a mental patient).
8 years ago, I ended up in the Errrrr again with a sustained heart rate of 170-180 for over 4 hours. Normal rate is 60-90. It started out of nowhere and my blood pressure dropped to 50/30 (my normal is about 110/70) at one point and I thought I was a goner FOR SURE. And the looks on the RN’s faces were pretty scary as well. It was all very horrible and I don’t think I ever really got over that trauma. My rate finally came down when given a beta blocker. I have been on beta blockers ever since.
I saw a Cardiologist the next day and she diagnosed me with SVT (supraventricular tachycardia) and said I have probably had this all along…that I probably never really had text book panic disorder. I had weeks and weeks of terror. I was so consumed with fear. Also during those weeks, I became pregnant. Coming to terms with the pregnancy and its symptoms as well as getting the right medication dosage…it was really rough. But I got through it.
Not long after, I saw an EP (electrophysiologist) who specializes in arrhythmias. He looked at my chart and all my test results. He then said, “Ahhh, you probably don’t have SVT. Take your medication and don’t worry. You don’t need an ablation (something I was VERY worried about).” HERE is a description of an ablation procedure. Seriously, it sounds god awful.
I begin to be more and more at ease. The medication was working and aside from some occasional flip flops (which are technically PACs).
About 8 months ago (or so) I started to feel more PACs before my period. And it was making me anxious again. I made an appt with a new EP. She set me up with a 30 day heart monitor. I wrote about it HERE. I got the results back on Monday. Not cool.
I wanted the test because I was hoping it would finally ease my mind. I figured they would just tell me they are harmless palpitations (like they have said in the past) and to stop worrying. And while the news wasn’t HORRIBLE, it wasn’t what I hoped exactly. The RN said that I had a couple PAC Couplets (which mean 2 in a row) and a 7 beat run of SVT. She mentioned having an ablation if they were starting to effect my life. So, two things I did NOT want to hear…SVT and Ablation.
I scheduled an appointment with the EP just to talk. That is on Friday. And then I cried the rest of the day. I was just so disappointed. I was really hoping that I could possibly even STOP my beta blocker. They impede weight loss significantly and make me tired as well as depressed. I hate the thought of taking them forever.
I have had a couple of days to sort things out…do some reading and my mom talked to a cardio employee at her hospital. I do feel better. I realize now that the news could have been so much worse and this really isn’t THAT bad. And what it all comes down to is acceptance. I need to accept that I will indeed one day die. And I will never be able to control when and how that happens. No doubt, it is still my biggest fear/obsession – but I need to work on it because it is taking over my life with worry. I also need to accept that as we age (ugh…what a fucked up term), shit is simply going to happen. Whether it is cancer, diabetes, heart disease…SOMETHING…we cannot stay perfect forever. I have to just deal with it the best I can. And if that means one day having to have wires zapping my heart…well…then that is what it means. (sigh)
I will go to my appointment on Friday with a list of questions and a request for one more test (Holter Monitor, which I think will be more appropriate). If I am unhappy with what she says, I will have a second opinion with the Dr at my mom’s hospital. After that, I will learn to live with what I have to live with. Period.
And that is my heart to BLEEP heart for today. Talk at ya soon.