What a Day. Let’s Summerize…

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So. What a freakin’ day, eh? Ugh. I am drained. Getting fired from a piece of shit serving job at the age of 36 can do a number on a person. Yea, I hated that place anyway. Yea, I would probably have quit before summer. Yea, I never thought it would last this long to begin with. Yea, I know the guy who fired me is a total douchebag, tool. So it isn’t like sadness is the emotion I am feeling right now. I don’t feel guilt. I am kinda mad. Anxious. Keyed up. Exhausted. Frustrated. Yea, that stuff.

This morning as I was getting ready for work and I started thinking about how I was able to lose those 30lbs last year. I realized that the biggest part of my success was my logging everything on to SparkPeople. Every bite was accounted for. It was very time consuming and made me quite vigilant and obsessive. But it did work. I thought about starting on it again, but with work taking such a chunk of my day…even though it is a little chunk…I just didn’t have the time to commit to that. I cant cut back anymore on the house, kids, exercise…no way.

Now? I will have that time. I will also have time to write. Today I met with a man at the Volunteer Center of Racine. He heads up the RSVP program. It is a program that deals with 55+ volunteers from many different organizations. Every month they profile one of their senior volunteers in The Journal Times with an article and picture. It will be my job to interview these volunteers and write an article about them and their service to the community. No pay, but lots of experience and a bi-line 🙂 So, I am glad I will have more time for writing. Since this isn’t just blog stuff, I need to really make efforts here and do the best I can (which I am not really confident about).  It will definitely be something new!

I am also suppose to be hearing soon from Patch.com. Last I heard she did want to “hire” me as a freelance writer. They pay 50-75 per article typically and it sounded like she wanted to use me on a weekly basis. I hope to find out more soon.

I was dog sitting for my brother and sister in law while they went to Mexico for a wedding. It was only for a week, but if you know me well, you know I get attached SUPER quick and VERY easily. It is quite pathetic actually. When I was younger and single, I could fall in love at the drop of a hat. Once I found a kitten on vacation and when we returned home we have to get rid of him because my brother was allergic. I cried for hours and hours. I was 16. Anyway, my sister in law is pregnant and due in June. They already have a 3 year old and my brother has an 8 year old from his previous marriage. Needless to say, they are very busy and the doggie just needed more attention. Sooo, they asked me if I wanted to keep her.

I really didn’t want a dog. They are so much more work than a cat. And I was still planning on getting a set of sibling kitties this summer. BUT I was getting attached to the doggie and I didn’t want her to be given up or anything like that. So we pretty much decided we would keep her. But then I called her vet to get more info about a gum problem my brother vaguely told me about. Well, apparently it is really bad and to the point where she needs a 700-1000 surgery. Without it she may not live as long and she is already 9. I just cannot put my kids and even me through that right now. Not after just losing Bob. And clearly I do not have an extra grand. It was hard, but she went back home today and I miss that little rat dog. I feel very sad about it.

I told you about how it has been hard keeping friends throughout this whole political mess. Last week I got into an argument with someone I considered a good friend. It wasn’t pretty. After, I read a couple statuses which kinda offended me so I decided to hide her posts. They were bothering me but I didn’t want to delete her. I was honestly thinking that once things settle down that we may be able to go back to how it was before and I would unhide her. But today I went to take a look at what/how she has been doing and read a discussion she was having with a bunch of people I do not know. It was political and she made a snide remark about me. Poking fun…which would have been fine if I was involved in the conversation, but I wasn’t. It felt like 5th grade when the girls were being mean and talking about you while you were in the bathroom stall. This is exactly why I hate being friends with women and why I do not make much of an effort to make friends anymore. Who needs that shit.

Anyway, so another friend mentioned to me the following:

The universe is telling you loud and clear to get rid of the toxic people in your life today.

I’m the same way and I bet you are also like me where you sometimes (or all the time) have a hard time letting go, a hard time making decisions, a hard time walking away, a hard time making life changes…especially when things kind of suck…fear of your decision being the wrong one, fear of going to something else that is even going to be worse then the situation your in (something that I have a hard time with with jobs). Also – that feeling of it not being right to walk away from what is expected of you or what your obligations on (perhaps with the job – the little bit of money you brought in to help the family, the fact that you are having a hell of a time getting a job – not to leave the one you have…. ALL THAT STUFF. But I truly believe that’s it’s often those times that the universe steps in and makes the decision for us — what was too difficult for us to do on our own circumstances either present themselves or situations occur to allow or force the decision to happen.

 Isn’t she so wise?? She summed it up to a tee as to how I feel about everything. I didn’t even think about it that way…But I am thinking…she’s got it FO SHO!!! 😉

I wish this could be understood without saying…but I have some haters out there who love to think I only care about myself. Let me say that the visuals from Japan pain me greatly. It causes much anxiety to even think about what those people are going through. I cannot even pretend to imagine. I realize my issues and problems really mean nothing in a world of so much pain, heart ache and tragedy. Don’t think for one second that I do not recognize that completely.

Ugh. I am tired and I seriously need to eat dinner and go to sleep. Maybe a comedy to cheer me up a bit….

Talk at ya later. Thanks for listening to my big long pitiful ramble 🙂

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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