It’s a sad and frustrating time. The illegal and immoral passing of the “Budget Repair Bill” aka “Kill the Middle Class Bill” is very upsetting. So many people are agitated to the point of insanity. Many sick tummies and headaches around Wisconsin as of late.

The horrible earthquake in Japan was a scary sight to wake up and see. The videos look like that of a catastrophy movie. So so awful. As bad as things are, we need to count our blessings.

I was involved in two arguements yesterday with two seperate strangers on Facebook (and YES I am considering – strongly – getting off FB altogether).  These have caused me to lose friends. Not only facebook friends. But friends I respected and cared for a great deal. Friends I enjoyed talking to, joking with and even getting together with once in a blue moon. Everyone’s tension is so elevated that it is like a brick wall coming between people by altering their vision and hearing. It is creating such anger and resentment. I have never been through anything so polarizing. I won’t get into it much, but being somewhat empathic…all of this literally makes my body ache. I feel as though I am taking on the stress and upset of everyone I come into contact with. My heart palpitations have come back. I have not had anxiety – real anxiety – in years until now. My muscles ache, my head hurts, my stomach is queasy and I cry way too often. I hate this. I hate what is happening.

A part of me wants to give up. Just turn off the computer, keep the news off, stick with my silly (non) reality shows and give up this fight. Give up having anything to do with politics and become one of the many apathetic people I see daily living in marshmellow land. I think it would be much healthier for me.

Another part of me wants to keep fighting for what I truly believe in. I want to feel as though I am doing what I can to help stop these actions which are hurting so many and will hurt so many for years to come.  I want to not feel ashamed of hiding my head in the sand while injustices are surrounding us. I want to do the right thing.

One aspect which has really irritated me is the “No Point Name Calling” convesation. If you wind up shooting a swear word or two out of frustration I can understand that. But do it while making an actual point. If you just retort with “You’re stupid” over and over…that truly makes you look…well, stupid. Here is an example…the original post was regarding the supposive death threat of one of the GOP lawmakers:

Heather Rayne – I’ll believe it when I see it. Thus far everything they have said is lies. No breaking windows no millions in damages no littering…all they do is lie.

Dude – Who’s lying? If you claim there is no littering or damage to the state capitol you are delusional.

Heather Rayne – many times have you been there??? I brought trash bags with me the last time because ppl like YOU were saying there was a mess. Get there…NOTHING to clean up. Nothing. And damage?? He already admitted he was wrong about that!! It is TAPE on MARBLE. Goo B Gone should be good for that. Shit I’ll throw him the 30 bucks for a few bottles and clean it myself!! Keep sucking that Fox…

Dude – It amazes me how stupid liberals are.

Heather Rayne – And you know what…no at this point some of us cannot just agree to disagree because we don’t live in that kind of world. Some of us have to look out for others because so many are sticking their heads so far in the sand that there is no hope for retrieval. One day you will be thanking (though not out loud I am sure) us for sticking up for YOUR – yes, YOUR – rights. So you can be snarky and act like you know so much. But ya don’t.

Heather Rayne – Great point. You sure know how to land an arguement. Gold star in name calling. (hint…let someone else fight your verbal battles)

Dude – Well I don’t have any idea who you are, but you have no clue. You are a grade A number one idiot.

Heather Rayne – Bravo!!!!

See…I mean, really. Make a valid fucking point…even if it’s wrong…at least say SOMETHING substantial. I know I need to cut off all contact with trolls (this IS the type of behavior seen in most internet trolls) as they add nothing to anyone’s life and certainly nothing to an actual conversation. Sometimes it is just so mind numbingly difficult to sit back and watch insane lies being eaten up by the masses.

Over the past week or so I have made brief comments/posts/blogs about “boycotts”. I did not tell people to boycott. I do not think boycotting is always possible, effective or necessary. I have made this clear. How I DO feel is that if…well, let me use the tavern scenario I have used in some of my explanations. If Tavern A financially supports Walker and this bill (which was just signed into law, by the way…just as I was writing this – 10:40 am) and Tavern B does not…I would chose Tavern B. If these alternatives are possible, I will take them instead of using my dollars to finance this power hungry lying piece of shit. This is not hurting the economy because I am still spending my money SOMEWHERE. I am not boycotting entire industries. Not even sure you can call this boycotting at all. I am not taking my business to places run and owned by robots. The employees at Tavern B are people too. What is wrong with that?? Apparently a lot if you admit it on Facebook. Or ask business owners if they contributed to Walker (they don’t like that).
Because of this “boycott” view, I believe I have lost two friends – as I mentioned before. At least that is what initated it. Apparently now I am a total asshole because I was defending myself from a virtual verbal fisting. This woman would not stop. I would try to patiently and with civility explain my position…but she would not stop. She was provoking and even had admitted earlier to looking for a fight. Anyway, I guess her life is fucked right now. She has been dealt a shitty hand and has to work with some very douchebaggy co-workers who completely take advantage of their state union policies. Did I know this? No. Does it mean I cannot defend myself? No. Do I feel bad for her? Sure. But if you keep poking and poking pretty soon the bear WILL extend her claws regardless of your hardships.
I will also say that I don’t hate anything more than some fuckjerkwad who ruins needed benefits for everyone. When I see a union worker playing the part that the GOP want people to see…I want to KICK THEIR ASS. And I know some of these people personally. I will not stay quiet about it any longer either.
 Maybe my vision is skewed. Perhaps my increasing intolerance for bullshit is affecting my perceptions. But I cannot for the life of me see what I did wrong in that conversation. I wanted to post the thread without names, but decided against it. I guess I dont want to piss people off even more. Not now. My head hurts.
I responded to the original post with my simple opinion. Anyway, after that it was an onslaught of constant dinging on my iPhone with comment after comment of her baiting and provoking me….after I already stated my case quite clearly. Am I wrong…am I seeing this back and forth through a crazy person’s eyes? I am very confused. And sad. Mostly sad.
What this has done to the people in this state is nothing short of outrageous. The stress, the anger, the hate, the resentment, the hurt…it is devastating. What this also has created is something I have never in my lifetime witnessed. The solidarity, the compassion, the kindness, the energy, the persistence, the strength and the peacefulness (do NOT believe the lies…there has been no violence, no arrests and we are talking a month of 100s of thousands of people in a very small area) brings up feelings I do not recognize. Pride in complete strangers. Gratitude toward politicians – YES!! Politicians of all people!! I have been energized and have been doing things I never thought I would or could do. My social anxiety and extreme discomfort with crowds would normally make going to these rallies a nightmare. But it hasn’t. The good vibes and well meaning smiles seem to shield me from that feared panic.
Yin and Yang I guess. Duality of good vs. evil, right vs. wrong, haves vs. have nots, republicans vs. democrats…its just not so black and white as I would prefer it to be. It is much messier than that. And right now I am laying in a puddle of mud ALMOST too tired to get up, find my shoes and continue running.

3 thoughts on “Droppin’ Like Flies and Losing My Steam

  1. Thanks for writing the rant I’ve been wanting to but am too damn afraid to draw fire for. Being a public employee I feel shat on publicly not only by Walker, but by family and friends who agree with this guy. I feel abandoned. Now what? I know one thing for sure – I’ll be voting this spring for any democrat that runs against a republican.

  2. Would really hate to see you leave FB, I do enjoy your posts. Things are incredibly ugly, it’s disgusting.

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