This “Budget Repair Bill” has changed me. Who would have ever thought that some political bill (I still imagine that cartoon scroll dancing on the steps of the Capitol…How a Bill Becomes a Law from School House Rock) would have anything to do with how I live my life, behave or feel. Honestly, I never thought anything like that would ever influence me in those ways, if at all. These changes have left me drained and depressed.
I have not spoken to my mom much these past 2 weeks. I think that it is probably semi intentional on both parts. We know we cannot discuss what is happening in Madison as she is a Tea Party supporter. And I am sure it is one of the #1 things on both of our minds. Not being able to speak our opinions (especially to each other) is extremly difficult for both of us. I can feel our relationship straining and this upsets me.
I have lost quite a few “friends” on Facebook (gained a few too…but still…). I did post that I would rather they delete me than resent me and my posts. I post A LOT. I realize this. I also realize that this is (hopefully) temporary. I feel it is one small thing I can do to help this cause I feel so strongly about. I have talked in the past about my OCDish need to fix everything. I have this overwhelming need to resolve any and all problems I come across on a daily basis. This is certainly not healthy and has exhausted me most of my life. This “bill” has thrown this characteristic into overdrive.
I am also so sad to see the true colors of people I have truly liked, loved, cared about and respected. Some for many, many years. Perhaps their support of this Governor (whom I still see as evil…I am sorry, but I do) doesn’t make them a bad person or less worthy of my appreciation. I realize that it is kinda icky to dislike a person because of their beliefs. In fact, I have stood strongly my entire adult life against just that. I could stand it when others have done this in the past. And I do not condone it…as a general rule. But that rule seems to have gone out the window for me during this time. Right or wrong, I just cannot help it. When I see a friend post something supportive of Walker, my heart sinks. I just absolutely cannot understand it. Not even a little.
All over Wisconsin people have been torn apart over this. I asked on Twitter, “Who has family/friends whom support this bill/Walker?” I received a response. “At this point? No one.” I didn’t take it as a sign that minds are being changed. I take it as a sign that relationships are being severed over this topic. The two sides are just so diametrically opposite on every level. It is hard to move beyond it. I have kinda talked about this before…but it keeps bothering me.
There is one person on FB who defriended me which has saddened me. Really, it is the only one which has caused this reaction within. I really liked her. Respected her. We have so much in common. She is hilarious and smart. This is why it was so shocking to me. Again, I just don’t understand these beliefs. AND again, I realize it is not an ideal way to weed out friendships. I never hung out with her. Our friendship was internet based…but still. It’s sad to me. But I am willing to take some responsibility. I have made my feelings VERY clear and even posted the following today:
To those who voted for and are still supporting Walker. To those who stayed home instead of taking FIVE minutes to vote: I am sorry. But when the day comes that we are living in a goddamn Red Dawn society (created by locals instead of Russians)…I WILL personally blame you. Shame. On. You.
Yea, didn’t go over well I am sure. But it really is how I feel. Maybe I won’t feel this way once things are settled and cooled off. I don’t really know. But right now…in full disclosure and authenticity…this is how I feel.
I really wonder how others are dealing with these issues throughout this ordeal.
A part of me wants to back off and stay away from the computer and news for a while…maybe for good. I feel disillusioned, disheartened, disappointed and most of all, discouraged. I wonder if it is worth the fight…can we really win this anyway? But if I were to remain silent and go back to being apathetic (sort of) I would feel I was not honoring my true self. It would really bother me and I would feel shame. I don’t know. Right now I am tired and sad. Going to bed.
- Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker Unveils Full Budget With Deep Cuts (huffingtonpost.com)
- Is CNN Abandoning the Wisconsin Democratic Senators? (stevebeckow.com)
- Scott Walker proposes deep cuts to schools (cbsnews.com)
- Wisconsin Gov Walker To Outline Budget Tomorrow (huffingtonpost.com)