Legs Are Tired From Standing Up…Is It Time To Sit?

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This “Budget Repair Bill” has changed me. Who would have ever thought that some political bill (I still imagine that cartoon scroll dancing on the steps of the Capitol…How a Bill Becomes a Law from School House Rock) would have anything to do with how I live my life, behave or feel. Honestly, I never thought anything like that would ever influence me in those ways, if at all. These changes have left me drained and depressed.

I have not spoken to my mom much these past 2 weeks. I think that it is probably semi intentional on both parts. We know we cannot discuss what is happening in Madison as she is a Tea Party supporter. And I am sure it is one of the #1 things on both of our minds. Not being able to speak our opinions (especially to each other) is extremly difficult for both of us. I can feel our relationship straining and this upsets me.

I have lost quite a few “friends” on Facebook (gained a few too…but still…). I did post that I would rather they delete me than resent me and my posts. I post A LOT. I realize this. I also realize that this is (hopefully) temporary. I feel it is one small thing I can do to help this cause I feel so strongly about. I have talked in the past about my OCDish need to fix everything. I have this overwhelming need to resolve any and all problems I come across on a daily basis. This is certainly not healthy and has exhausted me most of my life. This “bill” has thrown this characteristic into overdrive.

I am also so sad to see the true colors of people I have truly liked, loved, cared about and respected. Some for many, many years. Perhaps their support of this Governor (whom I still see as evil…I am sorry, but I do) doesn’t make them a bad person or less worthy of my appreciation. I realize that it is kinda icky to dislike a person because of their beliefs. In fact, I have stood strongly my entire adult life against just that. I could stand it when others have done this in the past. And I do not condone it…as a general rule. But that rule seems to have gone out the window for me during this time. Right or wrong, I just cannot help it. When I see a friend post something supportive of Walker, my heart sinks. I just absolutely cannot understand it. Not even a little.

All over Wisconsin people have been torn apart over this. I asked on Twitter, “Who has family/friends whom support this bill/Walker?” I received a response. “At this point? No one.” I didn’t take it as a sign that minds are being changed. I take it as a sign that relationships are being severed over this topic. The two sides are just so diametrically opposite on every level. It is hard to move beyond it. I have kinda talked about this before…but it keeps bothering me.

There is one person on FB who defriended me which has saddened me. Really, it is the only one which has caused this reaction within. I really liked her. Respected her. We have so much in common. She is hilarious and smart. This is why it was so shocking to me. Again, I just don’t understand these beliefs. AND again, I realize it is not an ideal way to weed out friendships. I never hung out with her. Our friendship was internet based…but still. It’s sad to me. But I am willing to take some responsibility. I have made my feelings VERY clear and even posted the following today:

To those who voted for and are still supporting Walker. To those who stayed home instead of taking FIVE minutes to vote: I am sorry. But when the day comes that we are living in a goddamn Red Dawn society (created by locals instead of Russians)…I WILL personally blame you. Shame. On. You.

Yea, didn’t go over well I am sure. But it really is how I feel. Maybe I won’t feel this way once things are settled and cooled off. I don’t really know. But right now…in full disclosure and authenticity…this is how I feel.

I really wonder how others are dealing with these issues throughout this ordeal.

A part of me wants to back off and stay away from the computer and news for a while…maybe for good. I feel disillusioned, disheartened, disappointed and most of all, discouraged. I wonder if it is worth the fight…can we really win this anyway? But if I were to remain silent and go back to being apathetic (sort of) I would feel I was not honoring my true self. It would really bother me and I would feel shame. I don’t know. Right now I am tired and sad. Going to bed.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

4 responses »

  1. You go girl! As I have said over and over, and I’m sure I will say it again, here and on more blogs, and other political websites, this is all out class warfare. ALL of us have to stand up for what the others just aren’t seeing right now. Some of our friends are blind to what is going on, an all our attack on the Middle Class, the very majority who keeps this country running, ticking and humming. If the right wing had it their way, the entire country would operate on a Privileged Wealthy agenda of Privatized Corporations ruled by the introduction of the Citizens United case being granted voting privileges by the activist Justices of the Supreme Court. No, unfortunately the one-person-one-vote system no longer exists in our Nation any longer thanks to Scalia and Thomas who attended the swank undisclosed party for the riche hosted by the Koch Bros., the same sponsors behind Walker and his cohorts in Wisconsin. Tell me there is no hidden agenda to dismantle the Middle Class…take away the public system and replace it with all that is Private and unattainable for the New Lower-Middle Class? Nah…
    http://www.TheCarterCommentary.wordpress.com
    Providing a link back soon today.

  2. I hear ya Heather. Of all my FB friends who support Walker, the most ardent is my niece. And she is married to a teacher! So I tred carefully because I like her as a person – but I am sad that she is so adamant in her support of Walker and fear what it is doing to her family.

  3. Anger is not democracy. Democracy is the sharing of ideas and coming to a common conclusion that is good for all. Both parties have forgotten that. The republicans are returning the favor done by democrats under Doyle and Obama. This is not democracy, it’s “us and them”. Until we as a nation learn to compromise and work together, there will be anger, frustration, back-biting and stress. What is going on now is not healthy for the state or the federal government. It used to be that one side would propose something, the other side would counter and then they’d find middle ground. This is no longer happening. It’s either my way or the highway…this is not exclusive to either party, they both do it.

  4. (to be perfectly honest with you…i think that your “obsession” with this walker stuff is much healthier for you than obsessing in some of the more intimate things you do such as the step-kid, hubby’s ex, etc)…This fight is necessary, important, and needs to be discussed…i fear that we are witness to the crumbling of our society as we know it…everyone will feel the effects and they will not be good…i too, have become a tad bit OCD on the subject but i believe it is worth it…we have been heard…people are listening…the exchange of knowledge is powerful and necessary…you are a part of that and you are making a difference…don’t give up hope…THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE!!! xoxo

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