Reunion, Sleep and Revenge of the Scale

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Well…I did have every intention on doing a considerable amount of writing today…but I just ain’t got it in me. My mental/creative pen has run dry and it is far too cold to leave the house for a new one. So, I will fill this virtual space with random whines and silly updates. Thoughts of the moment, if you will.

It took me forever to fall asleep last night. Its like that a lot lately. My mind races and its like a part of me just doesn’t want to go to sleep. I think my anxious self likes the quiet of the night and that need for calm within me doesn’t want to waste that precious time with sleep. I know, it sounds crazy…but look who yer talkin’ to.

I have always been a night person. Mornings are an enemy I have never forgiven. They ruin my interesting and vivid dream time, leave me feeling much more tired than what is probably considered torture and are filled with all these checklists of things to do. Yuck. I also have a need for downtime like no other person I know. I need an indulgent amount of time dedicated to avoiding noise, conflict, movement, brightness and stress. For a long time I lived alone and had more than enough downtime. Nowadays I get a couple hours at the end of each day and I guess that neurotic part of my mind (you know, that ONE…ppttthhh) procrastinates sleep in order to soak up this awakened quiet time. I mean, as much as I love my dreamland…it is like living another life. They can be so epic, adventurous and actually tiring!! I know it sounds weird. But it’s true. I wish I could record them. So, anyway…yea…(yawn) I’m tired and am actually considering a nap. Thrilling shit here, eh?

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So, I started back on my “diet” January 3rd. I had gained a few lbs over the holidays and also have another 10 to lose to reach my ultimate goal weight – which I want by this summer. That will put me about just where I was when I got knocked up. I have been logging all my food and fitness. I exercise 45-90 minutes a day 6 days a week. And I have one cheat day when I eat what I want (without going crazy…like, I don’t sit at the OCB all day and graze) and I don’t bother logging. As of today I have lost 6 lbs since starting. Little less than 3 weeks. I guess I am okay with that. But it seems like it is going to take forever. Anyway, about 9 lbs to go. I truly hope it won’t be nearly this difficult to maintain once I get there. It is exhausting and ridiculously time consuming. So…here’s to lookin’ like a MILF by boating season (clink).

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Cassidy has been crackin’ me up lately. She is very musical. She loves to sing and usually just makes up her own songs or sings about what she is doing…like…(in a sing songy voice) ‘I will take a bath now and wash my hair lalalala’. Silly stuff like that. Well, the other night she was sittin’ there singing and I hear her sing, “It can be a problem…when you fart out poop.” My stomach hurt from laughing so hard. In the same hour she can crack me up and make me bat shit angry. Is SHE schizo or am I??

Then this morning I heard her talking to her sister. She said that Grandma Becky would be watching her because mom and dad are going to a concert. (Next weekend we are going to see Little River Band at Memorial Hall.) Mackenzie asked her what concert. She said, “(sigh) I don’t know,” all exasperated, “just some little band.” I don’t know why I thought that was so funny, but I did. I may have mentioned once, weeks ago the name of the band to her. Her memory, though not completely accurate in this case is quite remarkable. And the way she said it…she can just be so funny. And loud. She is so damn loud. What the HELL??

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So. This summer is my husband’s 20th high school reunion (mine is next year, though I am not even sure if one is being planned). We went to the same school and being only a year apart, I knew (or knew of) many of the people in his class. I even dated a couple. Either way, the pressure of a reunion is INTENSE. I have never been to one. Never even went to homecomings or proms when I was IN school. This is another reason I am making myself lose this weight. And then there is finding a great dress, hoping Charlie doesn’t have one drink too many and start dancing like a crazy person, running into the mean girls and realizing they DIDN’T get fat or drug addicted…ugh so many stresses. And then there is the whole “What do you do?” questions. I dread that one. Is there time to become successful, sophisticated and super hot by July?? Please tell me there is hope!!!

 

Well, folks…that is all for now. If there is any hope for a 20 minute nap, I gotsta do it now!! Talk at ya later

 

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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