You’re too sensitive.
You’re too angry.
Get over it.
Let it go.
It’s not worth it.
It’s not your place.
You cannot change anything.
Why can’t you just be happy?
You are hurting yourself and your family.
You are too open.
What will people think?
Just forget about it.
These are things I hear from people, quite a lot actually. I don’t know why I do not seem to have that switch which others possess. The one that can make me turn off an emotion, stick my head in the sand or simply brush off all that has happened in my life. I am not acceptable to others…even those who claim to love me. This has been happening, these have been said to me for many years. I will never be good enough and apparently I am not normal.
I will give you one example, though it is only one small occurrence in an ocean of occurrences. I cannot say too much as I made a promise not to discuss certain things publicly.
Someone I know is manipulating services and people to the point of it actually being illegal. This person is great at what he/she does and has the power to make people see what he/she wants them to see. This person has been practicing this talent since childhood and has certainly perfected it. Now I see this person doing something very wrong, very unfair. And I cannot seem to stop it from bothering me to the point of sheer anger and frustration. If I heard about it on the TV or if it was some guy down the road, it would piss me off…but I wouldn’t think much of it again. But the fact that it is in my face…in my life…I cannot seem to ignore it. It doesn’t do anyone any good for me to be mad. I am the one with all the bad feelings…me feeling negatively doesn’t make this other person feel negatively. It doesn’t change anything. I know this cognitively…but I cannot seem to change this. I am furious and I don’t want to be. This person did things to hurt me. And I will suffer forever because of it. Watching this person get away with murder while I continue to face unjust consequences makes me so sick to my stomach.
Yet the people in my life do not seem to understand. I am suppose to shrug it off. Can someone out there tell me how? Please??
I dream of a day when someone out there truly understands me.