Hating My Life Right Now

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This post will be filled with whining and a lot of feeling sorry for myself. If you don’t like that…go away.

We never had a lot of money – a bunch in savings for a rainy day. But before all the attorney fees from 5 years ago, we had a decent cushion and could get by just fine on one income. Now, it just seems more and more difficult. We are using credit cards when we shouldn’t be. This makes me very stressed out.

I apply for jobs all of the time. I am always looking. I have not received one single call. This morning I was filling out an online application for a part time Pick N Save cashier. It took me like an hour. Then it gets to the part where I have to disclose my criminal history. In like 50 characters or less I was to explain my charges. Seriously??

Then I spend another half hour filling out an online application for Kohl’s. I get to the end, finish everything…and then it says – Sorry, your application information does not match our needs. Are you fucking serious???????????

I am getting turned down time and again for jobs I am WAY over qualified for. I cannot stand this anymore!!!!!!!

My mom is going to pay me $100 plus gas money to clean her house once a month. I used to do this for extra cash when I was a kid. Do you know how humiliating this is…and not even enough money to help anyway. I am just feeling so defeated and pissed off. Right now I am laying in bed and have been crying off and on all morning.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Sometimes I just sit here and fantasize about how different my life could have been had I done SOOOO many things differently. I could be an attorney right now. I could be in LA pursuing my dream of film. I could be a best selling author. But now, I feel I am absolutely and completely stuck in a life with no options. I am pushing 40 here. I have been out of the work force for over 7 years. What can I do?

P.S. I called TCF this morning (my bank) and they said that hardly anyone offers small business loans around here anymore…that it is nearly impossible. Also, because of foreclosures, our house has pretty much NO equity anymore. Just screwed all the way around.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

3 responses »

  1. Being a house cleaner is actually a job you have control over. You can pick and choose your hours and your clients. How far you go and how much you are willing to do on a job. Don’t think it beneath you… You may find you like the independence that comes from doing a job that survives or not because you are in charge of your fate. Nearly no overhead, and these days most people have their own supplies they prefer you to use, so often you would not have to spend on materials… Hope you find the bright spot!

  2. Yeah, I applied for a job at Kohl’s once too and was told the same thing. My understanding with online applications is that they are designed to scan for key words and if those words aren’t there they screen out your application. Pick N Save was a nice place to work, so was Taco Bell.

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