I am not sure if I ever posted on my site, but I did on Facebook…another thing I found from long ago. I think it offers such an honest insight that birth moms AND step moms can take A LOT from it. I know in my situation, this rings very true – so close to home. I wish we all could remain in this mindset…including myself.
I just read this post on a website and thought it was pretty amazing insight. So – I just thought I would pass it along…
I have been thinking a lot about how much power we as birth moms have. How our children watch us, admire us and emulate our every movement, how much they want our approval.
If I roll my eyes when I hear about something that their dad is doing, they remember this. If I only seem happy when they are complaining about their dad, they will do this complaining again and again.
If I ignore them when they say something nice about their dad and step mom, they will not tell me again for fear of hurting my feelings.
If I say loudly enough that something is stupid, or mean, or crazy, they will also begin to believe that these things are stupid or mean or crazy.
If I repeat enough times in front of my children, “If your dad really loved you” or “if your dad really cared about you,” they will feel he doesn’t care and that I am the only parent who gives a darn.
And if I don’t speak or say Hi or nod my head to their dad when he is at their school functions, they will begin to believe he is not worth the smallest of courtesy.
After I do all this and then my child doesn’t want to go on visitation, I could smile and say my hands are tied and it is not my fault, but the dad’s. He is the bad parent, not me.
I have a lot of power. I am going to be very careful about how I use it. I will only use it to advance a loving relationship between my kids and their dad. They were once conceived in love and I will remember that.
- Do’s and Don’ts of Divorced Parents (Who Don’t Get Along) (alwaysablogsmaid.com)
- A stepmom’s burden: Successful transition (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
- What Every Divorcing Woman Needs to Know to Stay in Self Care (psychologytoday.com)
- Ask Mr. Dad: Evil stepmother no more (seattletimes.nwsource.com)