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What is the funniest movie ever?
Can’t joke about films. Holy Grail? Miss Sunshine? Yellowbeard!!!

Nintendo, Microsoft, or Sony?

How confident are you in yourself?
About as confident as I am that Sarah Palin is human.

What song are you listening to right now?
and you assuming music is playing, why?

What do you love?
too much, too fast, love is stupid.

if you had one wish what would it be
If I told ya, I’d have to kill ya…since I don’t know ya…that would be hard and I don’t need the stress.

Lefty or Righty?
I don’t care which hand as long as it’s done right.

What is your favorite season?

Would you give your number to anyone that looks good?
What number? My social security number? No way. My pin number? Forget it. The number to the combination for my heart – you betcha

American or British?
I am American. But I love to annoy people with my fantastic British accent.

I believe this is that Facebook all the kids are using

Who was your first kiss?
Ryan Bauer LOL – that’s right…I called you out…And Ryan Rode was my first french kiss and I had gum in my mouth.

do you look behind the shower curtain before you go to the bathroom?
No. Should I?

what is your favorite movie?
OMG…these ppl on the side here with their answers. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?? REALLY?? THAT is your FAVORITE movie?? What is wrong with people?

whos your favorite celebrity???
Richard Simmons and Abe Vigoda

If you had to be fat or ugly what would you pick?
Now you’re just picking on me!!

Jack Sparrow or Jack Bauer?
and what was the question?

do you ever dip your toast into milk and then make it into a shake?
Thank you for making me throw up in my mouth.

Do you sing in the shower?
Yes. Even when it’s not on. If I feel like singing I just go stand in the shower and sing fully clothed. Its a Barney Rubble thing, you wouldnt understand.

Do you prefer people with glasses or with contacts?
I prefer people without either…to them I look better

Do you like baseball, football, basketball or other…or do you just hate all sports
I hate all sports that have to do with coordination, running or jock straps which chafe my hiney.

Fuck you.

What time is it when an elephant sits on a chair?
Maybe the elephant needs to get off his lazy ass and buy a watch.

dolphin or whale?
Well, I am pretty bloated today…so whale I guess.

Gold or Silver?
Silver fo sho…

Tennis or golf?
Table tennis and mini golf. Actually, I hate mini golf..what am I thinking?

Winter or summer Olympics?
I have never been in either. I am waiting for walking to become an event.

If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
A cat owned by me

What was your favorite high school subject?
Creative Writing or Theatre

Are you the only child?
In the world? No. But I do enjoy being called a child.

what is the best part of high school?
not being there

what is the best part of high school?
not being there

Is your middle name Nicole?
Okay, this is weird. No.

Is your name Kelera?

Have you ever hooked up with 3 girls/guys in 1 night?
LOL. NOOOO…geesh.

Do you spend too much time on facebook?
Well, yes, in fact I do.

Baby girl or baby boy?
I was a baby girl. Imagine that.

What is your favourite comfort food?

Do u believe in God?
I believe there is a higher power…whether that be God, Nature, Zeus, I dunno…

What Do you regret?
Didn’t we have this question already? Lots.

Favorite cartoon?

Shower everyday?
No way. Once every other week. I like science experiments.

what is your stance on the war in Iraq?
Bring them back!!

democrate or republican, conservative or liberal?
I refuse to label myself in this regard.

Do you like Americans?
Some of them.

What kind of drugs have you tried?
hahahaha….nice try….

What kind of drugs have you tried?
hahahaha….nice try….

What kind of drugs have you tried?
hahahaha….nice try….

How would you spend the last five minutes with the one person of the opposite sex that you loved the most?
Making sure they NEVER forget me

What would you do if you are going to die in the next minute?
dial 911

least favorite song in the world?
Do You Know the Muffin Man…

If you met an omniscient being who could answer any question, what would be your question?
Who shot J.R.?

If you could choose your ethnicity what would you choose?
I would like to be even more Italian than I am…extra garlic if you will

What is your favorite movie quote?
“The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself.”

What would be the soundtrack to the movie about your life?
“I get knocked down, but I get up again…” and “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers”

If you had to make a movie about your life what would it be called?
Sybil. Oh wait…thats someone else. Ummm…The Life of a Neurotic Smart Ass Who is So Self Involved She Even Made a Movie About Herself….

If a tree fell down in the forest and hit a mine, would it make a sound?
Like a coal mine? Yea, it would. But I don’t think the mine has anything to do with that.

What is your favorite Shakespearean play
I guess Measure for Measure since it is the only one I have seen live.

if you fell off a cliff what would be you last thought?
shit…i’m falling

Describe your evil twin.
Pretty much like me….but nicer.

Are you happy to have single-handedly destroyed the earth?
Yes, I think my job here is done.

How do you tell if you are in love or just in lust?
Do I want to just jump his bones or do I want to wash his sheets when were done.

Vin Diesal or Paul Walker??
Vin Diesal is grody and I have no idea who this Walker fella is.

Would you rather be an elf, dwarf, or hobbit
I truly do not know the difference. I am sorry if that is not PC.

Do you like to go on msn?
Not particularly

Mc Donalds or Burger King??
Neither, gross

If you could make any junk food super-nutritious, which one would you pick?

Do you like to go online everyday?
I don’t LIKE to…I HAVE to…

What would you do if no one would ever find out?
Like I would write it here…a doiiiiii

how many licks DOES it take to get the center of a tootsie pop???
How many kicks does it take to knock your head off?

How far do you drive to school/work every day?
I do not go to school/work.

What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Not really a cheese person…so I guess, American lol..

What do you want?
confidence, health, beauty, wealth, contentment, peace, should I go on?

where were you born?

Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie??
LOL. I hate to say these words…my embarrassment is welling up…but I am a member of…yes…Team Aniston…

die with wealth, or a loved one?
WHAT?? Well, if I have to die, I would prefer to fo it alone and not to have to take anyone with me. Why would you want to die WITH a loved one? Strange question…yet ag

Last film seen
The Secret w/ Lilly Taylor and David Duchvany…very silly

What was your SAT score?
I think I took the ACTs and not the SATs…is that right? I would never remember the score anyway tho. But I do know my IQ is supposedly 131.

What is your ideal pizza?
Deep Dish with just sauce – no cheese or any other toppings.

Look to your left: What do you see?
A basket full of shit that needs to go downstairs.

What are you wearing right now?
(giggle..snicker..giggle) i’m not telling…

My place or yours?
I don’t even know you perv

Star Wars or Star Trek?

Scotland or Italy
Italia bambino

Is/are your animal(s) spayed/neutered?
Yes. Next: husband…

Apple juice or orange juice?
Apple, please.

Have you ever popped, locked, and dropped it?
Well first of all, I though I read ‘Have you ever pooped”…(giggle). Honestly, I have no idea what they hell you are saying.

Where in the world do you feel the safest?
Where ever Carmen San Diego is…

Relationships or hook ups?
Is their a difference? hardeeharhar

Death Metal or rap?
I hate them both. But death metal sounds significantly scarier…so I will say rap.

What countries have you been to other than you home country?
I just answered that. God, you are just like my husband.

Have you ever been anywhere outside of U.S.?
I think I have left my body a few times. Does that count? No? Well, then Bahamas and Canada.

What are you looking forward to this summer?
The summer part.

cheereleading or gymnastics
Are you asking which one would kill me quicker?

Ice Cream or Sherbet?
While I would pick Karamel Sutra over any Sherbert, but I would chose Lime sherbert over Chunky Monkey. And yes, I say SHERBERT.

Sex before marriage or after marriage??
I think both would be ideal – no?

Biggest regret?
I have several. Not being a better student, not going to college right away, waiting so long to have a baby, saying no to the right guys and yes to the wrong ones, having

Two sports I played in middle school?
Okay I have had it. I didn’t PLAY any sports, PLAY any insturments…I did nothing okay…NOTHING.

Do you have a college deree? If so what?
GAWD!! What is with you?? Are you trying to make me suicidal??

What musical instrument do you play?
Ummm none. Thanks for reminding me that I am a talentless piece of shit…

Favorite hard liqour?
A long long time ago…it was Jack.

Favorite NFL team?

Family or friends?
Who would I eat first after a plane crash? Family for sure. I know I feed them right.

Are you self obsessed?
Aren’t we all?? Really now…

Who Are Your Best Friends?
The voices in my head

Why do you go on facebook?
Because I am a loser babyyy

who is the person you love the most?
if i told ya…i’d have to kill ya…oh wait..never mind. Cassidy.

Imagine your homeroom teacher with a bikini on
I have a homeroom teacher?! Shit – those dreams ARE real and I really don’t remember my locker combination or know where my classes are…!!!

What I dislike most about the general public is…
the fact that they are so publically general.

Is there any circumstance where cheating is okay?
SURE!! I cheated on a spelling test once and I have never once forgotten how to spell that word!!

Looks or Personality?
I would like to think I have them both thank you very much

East Coast or West Coast?
West for sure. I like to feel smarter.

What is your biggest turn on?
a big fat throbbing sense of humor

Would you rather perfer be stabbed by a knife or a sword?
Okay you have issues you sick twisted…

Rap or Hip-Hip?
hip hip??

What motivates you?
my desire to to be better than those who tried to make my life hell…to make them jealous…to make them lick my feet and call me mama

When will you be in Chicago next?
How do you know I am not there now?? Creepy interview thing…

what is love?
A song by Howard Jones?

Jeans or shorts?
short jeans

Are you a good friend or not ?
Yes. Very. Ask Bob.

Do you sometimes wish you were a porn star?
Only when I have a craving for antibiotics and strange semen.

how many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
are the people drunk or super short or handless?? What seems to be a problem?? Its JUST a light bulb.

Biggest turnoff in the oppisite sex?
Some fuck wad in the answers on the side here said “FAT” as his answer to this question. MY biggest turnoff? Tools like that guy.

Do you have to go to the bathroom?
Well shit. I didn’t!! Until YOU had to bring it up!! Jerk ass.

do you currently like anyone?
LOL…currently…no. Ask me in a few minutes.

If you look at the color blue, what does it make you think of?
The bruise I am about to place under your left eye

What is the meaning of life?
To make Heather as happy as possible. That isn’t just MY meaning of life by the way…that is EVERYones…so…come on…make me happy…

Favorite perfume?
Inner Grace by Philosophy

Do you like thunderstorms?
Love ’em man

What would you do if this interview is never ending?
What would I do? Are you going for something dramatic here?? Like…I will blow my brains onto the wall next to me…or the truth…like…life as usual will likely conti

What is your favorite grocery store?
Huh? Pick n Save…does anyone really care??Oh. Okay. Sorry.

Orlando bloom or Johnny depp?
Depends on the job. If I have some sexy pirating that needs done, well then Depp is my man. If I need a typecast so-so brit actor then well, Bloom will do 🙂

what do you think they eat in heaven?
bad people.

Do you drink coffee?
Yes, but only decaf.

Do you like to bake/cook?
I like to get baked and cook. ((disclaimer: this was an attempt at being humorous. any future employers, please disregard as such))

Do you believe in ghosts?
I don’t know. They can be so undependable.

Winter or summer?
Well, right now it is February. We call that winter where I am from.

If you could pick anyone dead or alive to have lunch with, who would it be?
Maybe my dad…or Ellen Degeneres…maybe Karen Carpenter? She might like some lunch. What’s that? Oh sorry, have to go…hell is on the phone…

Do you have any piercings/tatoos?
I am like a sieve. Seriously, 7 holes in one ear, 3 in the other, one in my navel that is closed up and a tat on my shoulder.

What kind of car do you drive?
Jeep. Dontcha see me wavin’?

What are your “comfy clothes”?

if you were one of the seven dwarfs, who would you be?
a disenfranchised hard working lad who is sick of looking at other little men.

Do you believe in heaven and hell?
I believe I am in one of them now.

Is this boring?
don’t test me prick.

Rolling Stones or Beatles?
If we are talking music, then the Beatles. Otherwise…I think I would choose a rolling stone over a beatle. at least the stones dont have a bunch of tiny legs.

What colour are your eyes?
white on the outsides, then some greenish brownish color I refer to as baby shit and then a black dot in the middle.

What sort of character would you play in a comic book (hero, humorous sidekick, villian, that abrasive newspaper guy, etc.)
I would be the sexy librarian…do they have those in comic books?

Coke or Pepsi?
Pepsi. I don’t do coke. geez.

If you were on Extreme Makeover: Home ion; what kind of room would you ask for?
a kitchen

If you were one word, what word would you be?

What is the name of your truest friend???

If you could time travel, what would be your first stop?
yesterday, with today’s lotto numbers

What is your natural hair color?
Hold on…let me check…(burr) brown.

How many people are in your family?
How far back am I suppose to count? Can I use a calculator?

Favorite Rapper
My sister in law, Bess, is the best gift rapper I know.

Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt?
For what? My nomination for president of annoying town?

Whats the First Thing You Notice In A Boy/Girl?
I have only seen a couple boy/girls in my life. But I would have to say the very large heels and the pantylines.

What language would you like to speak fluently?

Desktop or Laptop?
I really couldn’t care less. Does it get Facebook and Outlook? Then I am ok.

Whats your favorite sport?
Any I do not have to participate in or watch.

Are you in love?

How many kids (or any at all) would you want to have?
I would want to have 6 if I could use someone else’s uterus, nanny and bank account.

Chocolate or other candy?
Now don’t be ridiculous cousin Larry.

Sour or sweet candy?
Sweet. Candy should be sweet. That is its purpose. The sour stuff should have its own name like…imposters or tingle cheeks

Favorite hot drink?
That one that spilled on that stupid lady in the McDonalds drive thru.

City or the suburbs?
I live in a suburb in a village which is in a city

What is your dream job?
I want to be the person that picks the soundtracks for movies.

What religion did you choose to follow?

Performing Arts, Fine Arts, or Sports?
Yes, they all exist.

Riding horses or riding dolphins?
Ummm, that is seriously gross and I am pretty sure, illegal.

Are you fed up of all these questions?
Pretty much you little ass crack.

Do you believe a good life is attainable? or is it something that is out of our control ie subject to luck etc.
Of course. Just cannot be as lazy as me.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?
I’ll tell ya what came first…a horny ass rooster and that little red headed whore of the coup

What is your favorite color?
Didn’t we go over this already?

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

beach or mountain?
I prefer mountain goats to beach goats ANYday. Those f’ing beach goats.

left handed or right handed?
left hand until it tires, then right.

Why are you taking this interview?
utter and complete boredom

who do you count on when feeling down

do you plan in advance
how would I plan posterior?

What attracts you most?

Do you feel comfortable showing PDA in pubic?
Why would I feel uncomfortable showing an electronic organizer in public??

How many hobbies do you have
None now that I started this interview

Close your eyes for a moment, who pops into your head?
Thanks a lot!! I’ll tell ya what popped into my head, as I closed my eyes my kid threw a ball for me to catch…THAT’S what popped into my head. Ouch.

Do you say “I love you” in the relationship?
Hell, I say it to virtual stangers.

Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them?
It depends on the plantet…there are some to which I would never return. Pluto, for example has THEE rudest drivers. And well, I think we all know what Uranus smells lik

Describe your perfect Sunday morning?
Waking up next to Clive Owen as he begs me to stay for the afternoon so we can just lay around and tickle each other.

If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Some place where chocolate is abundant, chunky women are revered as gorgeous and cable is a human right.

If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
The person who knows how to make a person change into another person…then I could just write it down and do it when ever I wanted. Right?

If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
It seems I should probably cook supper or they could be disappointed.

What is your favourite word?
bagillion, fuckideedoodah, gloryhole, ballistic, wackadoo

What makes you cry?

What makes you laugh?

If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?

If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?
verrrrrryyyyyyy carefully…while being warm and massaged…

If you could travel back in time, what mistake(s) would you want to correct?
DUDE…fo real?? I don’t have that kind of time!! Things I WOULDN’T correct would be a much shorter list.

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
depends what is in it…duh…

Who was your hero as a child?
I didn’t have any heroes or idols. But now I watch Heroes and Idol.

What do you do for fun?
I am afraid I do not understand the question.

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person
Indoors. Especially during a tornado.

If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
Go to the Dr.

What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
I do not have a best friend. Well, except my cat…so I guess Meow Meow Meow…

Where do you see yourself in five years?
Answering that last question.

What are you most proud of in your life?
Ask me again in a few years…

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
My cat owns me.

Who do you admire most?
Only the most admirable.

Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
Yes, in fact I do.A tattoo duh…on my body…(okay a purple iris on my back right shoulder)

When do you plan on getting married?
Well, I plan on getting married about 5 years ago.

Get the number or give the number?
I guess if I were a 411 operator, I would give the number. If I were the caller, I would then get the number. These are really some strange questions.

Romance or Kinky?
with who?

How do you feel?
physically? chilly. mentally? contemplative. emotionally? somber.

What size shoes do you wear?
I usually try to pick the size that best fits my feet

Water or 100% Juice?
Now this is just getting silly. Water.

Would you rather be hot or cold?
Hot. I’m like Paris that way.

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
Wow…this interview is very violent. Blind or deaf…arm or leg? What am I interviewing for? A Japanese game show?

Favorite Place to Eat?
Usually in some sort of shelter…I hate when my hair blows into my mouth when I try to take a bite.

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
No, I have never done an opera. Musical? Only in the shower. Well, ok…anywhere others aren’t. Concerts – I was the MC for our 5th grade Christmas Concert. Plays, lets

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
No, I have never done an opera. Musical? Only in the shower. Well, ok…anywhere others aren’t. Concerts – I was the MC for our 5th grade Christmas Concert. Plays, lets

What is your favorite clothing brand?
clothing brand? whatever one will allow me to fit into a size smaller than I really am

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
Mine so I wouldn’t go to jail.

What are some of your favorite Disney Films?
Old Yeller, Finding Nemo, WALL-E

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It’s a long story. Do you really want to know? Alright. Well, Chicken spent his life on the wrong side of the tracks. Literally. He was on the West side of the South bou

What was your last thought?
So are you saying there is something wrong with me eating Juice and Cookies??

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
So are you saying there is something wrong with me eating Juice and Cookies??

Favorite fruit?

Are you a cat or a dog person?
I don’t know about YOU…but I am a human person. I have never seen a dog person but there was that one cat lady on ET that one time…weird question.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
deaf so I would never have to hear hannah montana ever again

Define yourself in 3 words…
I am swell

Do you eat cold cereal at night?
almost every night. it is my “desert”. boo.

What is your favorite TV show?
Of all time – Cheers and Six Feet Under

Kill the spider or let it out?
Let it out!!

Do you shower every single day?
Pretty much. I also take a bath almost everyday.

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?

Where do you want to travel next?

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out
I would wonder who drugged me and brought me to Neverland

What is your favorite food?

Do you read harry potter books?

What is your favorite place?
Don’t have one yet

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
Time Travel

Have you had a beer in the last week?

Vitamin Water or Gatorade?

Flip flops or tennis shoes?

What do you do on fridays?
Same thing I do every day

What is your favorite song of all time?
Carry on My Wayward Son

Do you like bananas?


3 thoughts on “Neverending Interview – Facebook

  1. I had to chuckle at the sex before or after marriage… if you are a till death do us part person I’m thinking the prior is slightly less concerning

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