20 of the Pivotal Men in My Life – From Facebook

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When I first joined Facebook, I would get bunches of self-surveys, quizzes and silly things to waste time on. I don’t see them sent around much anymore, but if you’ve been around the Facebook block…I am sure you have seen them. They usually consist of a certain number of questions…from what is your favorite book to what color are your socks. There are typically “Rules” to follow…which always say the same thing. They could have different themes…such as Mommies Only or All About Men. Kinda like those spiral notebooks you would pass around in Middle School. Or was that just me?? Anywho…I was looking around my Facebook and found these old notes and since I have not felt like blogging lately I thought I would post some. Here is the first:

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you

If you’re reading this and want to do it just go ahead and consider yourself tagged.

**I think I may have done this one b4…so in avoidance of being repetitive, I am going to make this one about some pivotal men who made a difference in my life. **

1. I was such a daddy’s girl. He was big and tall, football player size. He was fun and childlike. And I was always so impressed that he could answer all the questions on Trivial Pursuit and Jeopardy. He would disappear, sometimes for years. When he came back he wasn’t the same person. Neither was I. Instead of daddy’s girl, I became angry girl. Then he died. He was 46, I was 23. I will always have guilt for not answering his calls, when they finally came. I would give almost anything to answer one now.

2. My step father raised my brother and I since I was about 7 or so. He was very strict. I was grounded a big portion of my childhood. But if a car broke down or I had to be picked up from a sleepover gone wrong…I could call him and he would bring me home.I will always be grateful for those kinds of things he did to protect us.

3. My brother, Chad, is 20 months younger than me. He once pulled me across the kitchen floor, caveman style, by my long hair. He used to collect feathers and he was (still is) a Star Wars junkie. I wish we were closer now that he is not beating me up. We were for a brief moment between his marriages. But maybe that is how things are. I mean, can we really expect our family relationships to be a replica of a Parenthood episode?

4. Chris was my first boyfriend. If you can call it that. Looking back, we were much too young to consider ourselves in a ‘relationship’. 7th grade and full of braces, we “dated” off and on for the next 2 years. He would often decide one of my friends was prettier and make out with them. At that age you think you heart is going to implode and you will never, ever feel better again. God, kids are dumb. And yes, one day our braces did indeed get stuck together.

5. I only had 2 boyfriends while I was in high school. I wasn’t overly social and very insecure. The first was Clay, in 9th grade. He was a soccer player from a different middle school. And boy was he a cutie. Why he wanted to date me…chic from the wrong side of the tracks (his living in Wind Point…I suppose most girls were from the wrong side of the tracks) I never knew. I was so straight laced – aside from skipping and such. I wouldn’t have sex with him and complained when he drank or smoked. Needless to say, it didn’t take long before the dumping. Heart broken once again. (Get used to it chica)

6. The other High School boyfriend was David. On our first “date” we went miniature golfing with my friend and her date (the two guys were friends as well). On the way back to the car my competitive friend challenges me to a race. What dorks. Anyway, being the lopsided clod that I am, I fell. More like crashed into a huge mud puddle. My friend just laughed and laughed as she kept repeating, “GET UP!! Everyone is looking at you!!” Finally I arose from my emotionally paralyzed prone position and quietly sat in the car on the way home to change. David said, “Don’t worry, I like my women rolling around in the mud.” Clearly his sense of humor is what attracted me most. (oh, but he dumped me too)

7. Eric was my first serious relationship. I was 18 and moved to the East Side of Milwaukee, where he had already been attending college. Almost 19, he was my first (cough, cough) well, you know. And we were together for about 3 very dysfunctional but interesting years. He once broke up with me while I was on acid. I onced kissed our neighbor. Let’s just say, it was not a match made in heaven. More like a match made at a Grateful Dead concert…including the flashbacks. But we both learned and grew a lot from that relationship. I cannot say I really regret it at all, I wouldnt be the person I am today.

8. There is a guy, I will not even name him as he is not deserving of one, who taught me a scary lesson. He was a friend of Eric’s and had a criminal history. But I thought he was so nice – so naive with no idea how mental illnesses worked. One night he choked me. Like strangled me across the room and threw me down on the couch. He later lied to Eric and said I put the bruises there myself. Eric believed him. Needless to say, that was shortly before our final breakup. Well, that was the first night I really realized how easily a man can physically overpower a woman and how fucking scary that fact was. I couldn’t budge his hands or escape the grasp no matter how hard I tried. Bad night, man.

9. Jiro was my next serious relationship. We were also together about 3 years. We rarely fought at all and if we did, it was brief. We were so much alike, I was certain we were ‘soul mates’. He was also so funny in his own odd way. I wanted to start cleaning up my life and gettin’ shit straight and he wasn’t quite there yet (but just shortly behind). He wanted to keep having fun and needed more freedom to do the things he wanted to do. 2 weeks after my father died and the night before starting a new job (actually, it was 1am…on the phone…so just several hours before starting the new job) he broke up with me. And it wasn’t a back and forth kind of break up. It was OVER with no looking back. Not for him anyway. I pined for years. I really enjoyed being with him and I wish we could be friends, but that could clearly never happen. But I will never forget that warm summer day laying innocently (and I DO mean innocently…we were not intimate for a LONG time) on his water bed (yes, water bed LMAO) as we decided what the plan for the day was. It was quiet for a while and he said all bashfully, “Umm…do you think you love me yet?” I did.

10. My brother, his first wife and I bought a flat. Inside my upper portion I had an old mouse in the wheel computer with AOL. One night I was looking at different profiles of the people on AOL Online. This was in like 1996 or 7. I found a soccer player from Wisconsin whose name was Clay and was a 92 graduate. For the hell of it, bored…lonely…probably tipsy…I sent him a message in hopes to detect whether or not he was the Clay from HS. He was not. His real name was Chris and he lived in Madison. We spoke over email for months and got to know each other very well. We also had a few super long late night phone conversations…the kind when you talk about simply everything. Probably about 2 years later we decided to finally meet. He came to Racine and proceeding was one of the most fun nights in my life. We continued to talk for years…visiting once a year or so. But we were too different and he lived too far away.  He will always remain an important piece of my past. And we have a plan to meet at a Bingo hall when were 90 and everyone else is dead. LOL.

11. Mark was a bartender at the tavern I was going to start working on the weekends for extra money. I kind threw myself at him – how embarrassing to admit. But he was cute, I was – again – lonely, and I really liked his laid back essence. For the next couple years we would see each other kind of in secret when we were not dating others. Only once in a while would we actually DO something together (date-like occasions). Mostly it was hanging out followed by a short sleep over. He never wanted to have an actual relationship. He always told me – tho I never pushed it as I knew he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy – that he would never be able to be the kind of boyfriend I wanted or deserved. But really, he wanted to remain free without anyone to answer to. Who the hell could blame him really. He was always very kind and thoughtful towards me. Always remembered my birthday, would take me out to dinner…stuff like that. But nothing ever progressed. I wrote him a goodbye letter when I met my now husband and I meant every word.

12. I was with Tony less than a year. Why I moved in with him so fast I cannot explain. I signed my portion of the house over to my brother and moved in with him, his roommate and his 3 children. I cannot say I fell in love with Tony, but the lust was there as well as the attraction. He was fun, yet responsible. Several years older than me, he had already been married and divorced. I fell hard for those kids tho. It was really my first experience becoming close to children. That is what really broke my heart when he decided to dump me only months after moving in. Again, back to my parents. Ugh.

13. I dated Patrick shortly before meeting my husband. I met him on Matchmaker.com and was instantly attracted to him and his personality. He was an actor in Milwaukee as well as doing lighting and set design for several theatre companies. He was fun and interesting and we had some kind of connection. But he was simply too busy. Constantly working. There was no time for a girlfriend. And apparently it paid off as he is now a member of SAG and living in LA (and pretty hot I might add).

14. I had a shrink, Jack, who helped me through a horrible time in my life. I was just 30 and had been falsely accused of child abuse. I needed serious help to simply survive. He went out of his way to help me, even making a home visit and letting me call him 24/7 during my panic attacks. I stopped seeing him after a while, but I will always appreciate the help he gave me during that awful time. And the advice I still keep with me today.

15. I went to the same middle and high school as Charlie, my husband. He was a year ahead and we had never met. I knew nothing about him. One night while holding up the wall at Chartroom, he approached me and said…something. We ended up hanging out that night. I knew who he was and most of my friends knew him. After that we dated a couple times and talked on the phone frequently for a short time. During our last (at that time) phone call, he informed me that his ex girlfriend just told him she was pregnant. Anyway, there was NO way in hell I was going to be a part of that situation. I stopped returning his calls. About 2 years later, in my new apartment, I was having phone trouble. And there he was to fix my line. After a late night, bra-less, and with a smoke hanging from my mouth, I answered the door and simply said, “Oh, shit.” As he was outside putzin’ around, I quickly showered and made myself presentable. When he came back in he told me he was getting a divorce – married less than a year and had a 13 month old daughter. Yet, I still said yes when he asked me out. Our first date was a wedding. Our second, grocery shopping with his daughter. And 2 weeks later we went on a vacation up north with another couple. From that first date, we were together everyday. He was more clingy than I usually was…something I had never experienced before. But if made me feel secure for the first time in forever. I moved in with him in a couple months and we were engaged after 2 years. This past June was our 7th anniversary. He is a wonderful father and I really do love him a lot.

16. Ok..I was trying to do this chronologically, but that is too hard…the rest are…the rest lol…

17. My family on my father’s side was quite estranged. As I said earlier, even my dad was gone for years at a time. But my Uncle Mike always seemed to make an effort to include us. Which, I don’t see him as a super social butterfly, so I am not sure that was easy for him. When I would see him, he looked so much like my long lost dad – I would always cry. But it was also comforting. I will always be grateful to my uncle for not throwing us away like pretty much everyone else did. I thnk he is the one good guy who came out of that family.

18. Tony S. was my best friend for many years growing up. We met in 7th grade and stayed close throughout high school. After that, we grew apart and now MAYBE talk (via puter) once a year. We did everything together. We talked on the phone until we would fall asleep and realize we were still connected when we woke up in the morning. He was my sidekick and probably the closest friend I have ever had. I miss him a lot. Not sure what happened, he just seemed to become uneasy with me. I asked him to be a part of my wedding, but he did not even show as a guest. I wish I knew why. Still makes me sad. But I will love him forever!

19. I had a friend in HS who tried to kill himself with a bottle of OTC pain relievers. He called me after he took them and once I realized he was serious, I called the ambulance (no 911 at the time). I had my mom take me down there and we waited for news. His mother arrived and seemed angry…with ME! He had gotten his stomach pumped, but he would be fine. We left. He told me a few weeks later that he did it because he was in love with me. The following year was filled with guilt and vigilance. I did not lead him to believe we were in a relationship or that I felt the same way…but I also rarely left his side for a long time. He would often make threats about doing it again, especially after his best friend was killed in a car wreck. I felt responsible for him. But finally it wore off somehow and we drifted apart, which was probably much healthier for both of us. He seems to be doing very well now with a lovely wife and a great job. I will always hope the best for him.

20. Kevin was one of the greatest people I have ever met. He was such a good friend to me and I did not repay that friendship very well. I was very self involved at the time to realize. He is so smart, absolutely hilarious, protecting, caring, kind…I was very stupid letting that friendship fade away. I will always regret that.

21. Alright, stopping here. This took too much of my morning!! The last 5 will have to wait for the sequel.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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