Which Custody Schedules Work for You?

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Not much going on. Also not feeling the whole writing thang today. I am in a very melancholy, apathetic mood. Also somewhat anxious. I am off to my 2nd EMDR session. And then I have my first yoga class this evening. But first I will let you know the latest with the whole baby mama drama. Let me know what you think…

Yesterday Charlie and his ex fought outside (again in front of the kids) for what had to be at least 20 minutes. His ex wants the schedule to change. She said she want to take her daughter during the week. But really, it would make no difference really. She would still be here every morning and every evening until 5:30. So the only thing that would change is she would have her an extra half hour while driving here 2 days a week and about 2 hours before bed 2 nights a week. That would be the only difference. And considering she seems to have no control of her eating or her bedtime, I cannot see how that can possibly benefit anyone other than Bio Mom so she can have more free time on the weekends.

I sent this to both my husband and his ex this morning:

The things we are trying to avoid are so many transitions during each week. We want to minimize transitions and interactions (between parents) as much as possible. I think this will make everyone less stressed and in a mental state which makes for better parenting. We also want Kenzie to have a stable, safe, and healthy school week. We would need to agree not to bad mouth the other parents in ANY way. We would need to agree on phone call rules. And we would need to agree to not even consider what is happening at the other home. To do this, we need some sort of trust – which is very hard in our situation since NONE of us trust one another. We have to trust XXX to take care of ALL school stuff during her week. We have to trust she will have Kenzie in bed at a decent time. We have to trust she will feed her properly. Beyond that, there is nothing we can do about what goes on at the other home.
 
Since XXX works at 8am, she will need to bring her to TLC or make some arrangements for her to get to and from the bus or the school each day of her week. I will bring Cass to the bus on the days Kenzie isn’t here (and I usually drive them in the winter anyway). On our weeks, clearly, I would get her off to school until/unless I get a job. We are not responsible for XXX’s time and she is not for ours. XXX can buy and take care of her clothes and items there…and us here. Everything would be equal and fair. 
 
I will not be able to bring her to choir in the mornings, so I don’t know how that will work. But I think the plan below is the best for our situation.
 
If Kenzie still comes here each morning and evening, it is not solving any of the problems we are trying to resolve here.
 
I have read a crap load of studies and papers written by child psychologists and divorce experts. I believe this is honestly the best option…least transitions, most stability, least interactions between parents, still 50/50.
 
I can only tell you what my opinion is on the matter and what I am willing to do personally. So you guys need to figure it out from here. I really want what is best for all of us, including and especially Mackenzie. I want the stress, the fighting and all of this nonsense to stop. I cannot live this way and I will not raise Cassidy in chaos. Please consider the following for the best interest of us all.
 
 
 

Every Other Week(Friday 6:00 p.m. to following Friday 8:00 a.m.)

14/28 overnights

This option imposes seven days separation from the

other parent. It eliminates the opportunity

for face-to-face parental conflict by minimizing

transitions, and allows both parents and mature

children to “settle” into a routine. The children’s

cyclical residence can, of course, complicate

management of scheduled lessons, activity

commitments and daycare arrangements. Some

adolescents may even prefer a schedule with two week

blocks at each household.

Note: changing households on

traditional Monday after school approach (allowing for a “winding-down” at the

time of transition, rather than requiring “gearing-up” at that time).

50%-50% shared parenting:  Alternating weeks

  • Every Friday, one parent brings to school, then the other parent picks up from school
  • Parents “A” and “B” each get a continuous weekend with school week
  • Often supplemented with midweek dinners for the other parent

 

  Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday
Week 1 A A A A A A to B B
Week 2 B B B B B B to A A
Week 3 A A A A A A to B B
Week 4 B B B B B B to A A

 

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

One response »

  1. I think 50/50 is the best. Watch the overnights. If she gets more than 50% of the overnights, she may be considered (by the courts) to have primary placement. That can change things financially and otherwise. Regardless of what happens, I strongly recommend that the court ordered stipulation matches your actual arrangement. We avoid a lot of arguments by “sticking to the stip.”. That way nobody can manipulate or accuse one parent of intimidating the other, etc. Just my 2 cents. We don’t love our situation, but we don’t argue with her about it. Take care and good luck.

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