Today I had my first EMDR session. It was kinda weird, but not at all as scary or strange as I had expected. The therapist held a remote that was attached to 2 small boxes that vibrate when turned on. You hold one in each hand and they alternate in vibrations as well as change in speed and strength. The therapist has you think about a scene from a traumatic event and asks you to conger up the feelings you had during that moment/event. As you do this the things vibrate in your palms off and on – alternating. Then the therapist would ask to think of the feelings you would LIKE to have or have had during those moments and now. And then the same thing with the machine.
I actually felt very calm when I left. I don’t know why and I cannot explain any of it to you (as to how it works, or is supposed to work)…it is too scientifically complex for me to understand. I will be having six sessions – once per week. And after that we will determine how well (if at all) it is working. Fingers still crossed 🙂
I have had 3 traumatic things happen basically which have left me with these neurosis. One was being accused of child abuse (this is the one most in the forefront of my daily life), my father abandoning me and then dying in front of me and one other thing I do not discuss. So, I shared with the therapist how I can associate my husband’s ex and my dad and the other person. They are all very much linked in certain ways. And she said I need to start letting go of this need to forgive. She said in order to truly forgive, one needs acknowledgment from the other person and in these cases, that is just NOT going to happen. She said I need to think more about coming to peace with the things that have happened…the experiences, not the individuals. Anyway, interesting stuff. Looking forward to next week.
SOOOOO…I have been told by MANY people now that because of the whole criminal history situation…my best bet would be to start my own business of some kind. I really had no idea what I could do. Until today. I finally decided what I want to do. I just have NO clue how I am going to do it. I want to buy a lunch truck. Everyday I will make an Italian dish and a BBQ dish. These are the two best kinds of food I cook. It will be called The Italian Cowgirl. One day would be lasagna and BBQ pulled pork. The next day, Italian bombers and ribs. So each day there would be 2 different dishes to choose from. I could make batches the night before as the trucks have those steam heater things. I would then drive around to the different businesses during the day. I know it is more complicated than that…but I have no doubts I could do it. I just need the capital…which really isn’t much for a small business. The trucks go from about 10k – 50k+. I really want to figure out a way to make this work. Ideas??
Tomorrow I am scheduled for my tattoo. I am shittin’ bricks. I suggested canceling and my friend said no way. Yikes. I think I HAVE to now. I would THINK that after giving birth, it should hurt less, right?? Like my pain threshold should be higher, right???? Oh boy…
- What Kind of a Treatment Is This? (psychologytoday.com)