As the kids are off at school, I still lay here. I am half watching the Today Show, writing this and feeling the strong breeze blow from the open window 2 feet away. Almost 9:30 and I am still not showered or dressed. This needs to stop happening. Just because the kids are in school doesn’t mean my day shouldn’t start. Of course I get up to help them get ready, breakfast, help them with their hair, etc. But then I lay back down. Not a good habit.

This week I am going to get back on the health wagon. I am going to go back to entering all my food and fitness on starting today. I am going to go back to 1200 or less calories a day. My exercising hasn’t lessened so that will stay the same (45-60 mins  6-7 days a week). I really want to lose these last 10 lbs. That will bring me to what I was before I got pregnant and I think to a point where I will be happy with my size. After losing almost 35…youd think 10 would be no big deal. But it has been the hardest to get rid of. I need to kick start some how. But last time I did a cleanse/detox diet…I got REALLY sick for my vacation. Not sure if that is why, but it is possible. So, don’t want to do that. My new found love of Pina Coladas need to stop too. (whine).

Tonight is supposed to be my first real karate class. But I gotta tell ya…I am feeling so stressed and depressed that I am just really not up for it. They are kinda hardcore and if one bad thing happens (if I get yelled at or something…I think they do that) I know I will run out of there crying. I really wish I would have just signed up for yoga instead. This was only $20 bucks. So, I am not locked in or anything. But I did ask my friend, Has, to join me and now I feel I need to continue so as to not be a complete jerk ass. I just don’t know what to do.

There is a beginner class at Your Yoga Lifestyle starting next week. It’s 3 one hour and fifteen minute classes for $40. I really think that is more up my alley. We don’t really have extra money right now…and I am not sure what I am going to do about this Karate thing…so I just don’t know.

Tomorrow I have my first appointment for the EMDR therapy. I am very nervous about it. I will let you know how it goes. Lets all cross our fingers!!! I know I am…

Thursday afternoon I am scheduled to get my tattoo. If you haven’t seen it…here is the basic idea:

I want it pretty much like this but no outline. It will be on my upper,outerr arm going slightly onto the ball of the shoulder. I am soooo nervous. I have one tattoo on my shoulder blade which I got in my early 20s. And it HURT. People always say it doesn’t…but it does. I thought I was going to puke and/or pass out. This one is about the same size but with no outline, so I am hoping it may not be as bad. I mostly hope I do not chicken out. It is going to be during the day so I asked my friend Kendra to go with me. Ugh…so nervous.

So, I decided to schedule the tat for that day because it is my dad’s birthday. This is always a very hard week for me. He was born on September 9th and died on the 11th at 46 years old. The caterpillar. Not sure if I ever blogged about this…well, I will make it brief.

The night after my father’s funeral I was sitting on the front porch in the middle of the largest thunder storm I had seen in years. Earlier that day I had prayed to him and my grandmother (I visited her grave that day as well) and asked them to show me a sign. A sign they could hear me…see me…that their consciousness still existed. They were both huge storm lovers. The day was GORGEOUS. High 70s, sunny and just really nice. I asked if they could hear me…to send a thunderstorm.

I sat there drenched in what I believed was a prayer answered. I cried and cried as the rain poured over me. My mom told me to come inside (even though I was 23, I was living at home at the time). I came in, dried off and changed clothes. I then went into my mom’s room and we sat on her bed and talked for a couple hours. Mostly all about my dad. Then, shortly before getting up to go to bed, I felt a tickle on my arm. I looked down and there was a fluffy green and yellow caterpillar inching up my forearm. I was startled. Then I had to laugh. To me, it was a sign from my father. It was the middle of the night. I was outside in the drenching rain (how it would have stayed on, I have no clue…I was as wet as can be). And I had been on my mom’s bed for hours without feeling a thing. Caterpillars represent transformation. I felt this was his way of telling me that he was not gone, but transforming into a new kind of life.

It may be silly. I realize people look for things to act as signs in those situations. But it always stuck with me and I just always knew I had incorporate a caterpillar into my next tattoo. It will also be a symbol to me as my own transformation. Me changing my own life for the better. My weight loss. The work on my mental health. The creating of a happy, healthy family life. I need a transformation like nobody’s business.

Ending the week with babysitting my crazy, darling niece, Abigail on Friday…that is about it.

Here is wishing all of you a particularly content week.


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