This morning I decided to try jogging outside instead of on the dreadmill, which is what I normally do. Well, I should have stuck with my usual plan. I ended up with head congestion (allergies) and shin splints. I never get shin splints inside. Why is that?? From now on I am staying indoors on the dreadmill. I can last much longer…more endurance. What a shame to not be able to enjoy the quiet scenery.
Since I was doing my jogging outdoors, I used my iPod for the first time in a long while. I truly do have thee best playlist 🙂 However, there were 2 particular songs that really got me thinkin’. The first is ‘Not Ready to Make Nice‘ by The Dixie Chicks. I was never a fan but one day a few years back I rented their documentary, ‘Shut Up and Sing‘. It was really quite good. It shared the events before, during and after their controversy in 2003.
During a concert in London, lead vocalist Natalie Maines said, “we don’t want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas”. This inflamed republicans and George Bush supporters. The controversy that ensued included many protests, public burning or their CDs and even death threats (mostly aimed at Maines).
This song is about those experiences and how she feels now in those regards. Even though, clearly, the situation is very different, I relate to almost every single word in that song. Every time I hear this song, I cry to some degree be it a simple tear on my cheek or a full on bawl. I have really never been affected that way by song lyrics before. The events I went through when accused of child abuse left me feeling the same emotions and thinking the same thoughts. It is as if I could have written that song. It has been an unhealthy anthem of mine for years now. Please take a listen and really hear the lyrics…perhaps you will see what I mean:
Oddly enough, the very next song also got to me. In a sense, as a sequel to the prior in regards to the growth from my experiences. ‘Watershed’ by The Indigo Girls includes two lines which hit home:
“You can stand there and agonize
Till your agony’s your heaviest load”
“When you’re learning to face the path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while”
I know that I need to get to the point where I at least WANT to make nice. Ready or not…realistic or not…attainable or not…I need to get to that place of forgiveness. Real, true forgiveness. I need to destroy the hate and the anger and all the other negative feelings which are consistently holding me back. I have to let go of the blame, guilt and fear. And I will.. One day. I have to.
Here is the song. Take a listen, its a good one. And I am pretty sure most people can take something from the meaning: