Lyrics Speaking to Me

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Cover of "Not Ready to Make Nice"

Cover of Not Ready to Make Nice

This morning I decided to try jogging outside instead of on the dreadmill, which is what I normally do. Well, I should have stuck with my usual plan. I ended up with head congestion (allergies) and shin splints. I never get shin splints inside. Why is that?? From now on I am staying indoors on the dreadmill. I can last much longer…more endurance. What a shame to not be able to enjoy the quiet scenery. 

Since I was doing my jogging outdoors, I used my iPod for the first time in a long while. I truly do have thee best playlist 🙂 However, there were 2 particular songs that really got me thinkin’. The first is ‘Not Ready to Make Nice‘ by The Dixie Chicks. I was never a fan but one day a few years back I rented their documentary, ‘Shut Up and Sing‘. It was really quite good. It shared the events before, during and after their controversy in 2003. 

During a concert in London, lead vocalist Natalie Maines said, “we don’t want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas”. This inflamed republicans and George Bush supporters. The controversy that ensued included many protests, public burning or their CDs and even death threats (mostly aimed at Maines). 

This song is about those experiences and how she feels now in those regards. Even though, clearly, the situation is very different, I relate to almost every single word in that song. Every time I hear this song, I cry to some degree be it a simple tear on my cheek or a full on bawl. I have really never been affected that way by song lyrics before. The events I went through when accused of child abuse left me feeling the same emotions and thinking the same thoughts. It is as if I could have written that song. It has been an unhealthy anthem of mine for years now. Please take a listen and really hear the lyrics…perhaps you will see what I mean: 

Oddly enough, the very next song also got to me. In a sense, as a sequel to the prior in regards to the growth from my experiences. ‘Watershed’ by The Indigo Girls includes two lines which hit home: 

“You can stand there and agonize
Till your agony’s your heaviest load” 

“When you’re learning to face the path at your pace
Every choice is worth your while” 

I know that I need to get to the point where I at least WANT to make nice. Ready or not…realistic or not…attainable or not…I need to get to that place of forgiveness. Real, true forgiveness. I need to destroy the hate and the anger and all the other negative feelings which are consistently holding me back. I have to let go of the blame, guilt and fear. And I will.. One day. I have to. 

Here is the song. Take a listen, its a good one. And I am pretty sure most people can take something from the meaning: 

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

4 responses »

  1. I guess there comes a time when you realize that you really don’t have to make nice, if you have already tried and been kicked in the teeth enough to know it will only happen again. I have this problem with my Mother-in-Law and it is extremely hurtful. Needless to say, you can let go of the anger — when you are ready — and you will feel better regardless of whether you choose to make nice. Making nice is a 2 way street. The ex-wife is clearly in need of some reality checks in her world. Your step-daughter is still very young, but when she gets older and has to look at the reality of her upbringing, she will see that the one who came through ALWAYS was you. My Mom was my mortal enemy until I was about 21 years old. Now I can play the game and I understand the side she was coming from. You will get there eventually, and it will try your patience from here to the moon and back, BUT you can keep close to your heart the truth of the good you have done IN SPITE of all else.

    I went back and read your story and I think you got a shitty deal. I sat here in front of my laptop and sobbed for the whole horrid mess that hurt, not just you, but quite obviously everyone involved. I hope that maybe one day you will find a way to fight back and clear your name. If they really thought there was a danger to your step-daughter, you would not be able to go anywhere near her! That speaks to the validity of the charges levied against you. Obviously I do not know you and there is only one side of the story on your blog, BUT there is a certain gut honesty vibe I get from you… It is the same vibe I hope people get from me.

    Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope you have a great tomorrow!

    • Trisch,
      Sorry about your MIL. I hope I can get to that place as well. I am actually starting a new form of therapy for PTSD (it is called EMDR…kind of like biofeedback) which my counselor thinks should help with that. Once I can get over these physical and strong emotional reactions I have to this woman and the situations she causes…I can perhaps get back to that less biased, less hurt position to be more rational and forgiving. Trust me, I really want that. This hurts me and my kids more than anyone and that is the opposite of what I want.

      I am glad you see me as an honest person. I try VERY hard to live authentically. If I say something about someone…it is nothing I wouldnt say to their face. I do not lie. And I try to always treat people very well. Of course I was never a danger to my step daughter or anyone else…ever. Her mom even came to court on my behalf AFTER accusing me. They knew damn well. They (DA) just didn’t care.

      Thanks for your kind and thoughtful words. It means a lot. And I hope for a better tomorrow for all of us!! 🙂

  2. How weird is it that I am in a similar place of “not ready to make nice”? My situation isn’t nearly as bad as yours and mostly involves the most ridiculous, self-centered, big baby demands I have ever heard come from a group of adults. Oh well. Life goes on and we find little things in our day to day to smile about so that we can forget…at least for a moment.

    • Ridiculous self centered adults are really the cause of most of our problems in life arent they?? Sometimes I really hate people.

      Did you find something to smile about today?? If so, can you send it my way????

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