Today is The Last Day of the Life I Knew So Long

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Today is the last day of something that was a fixture in my every day. My way of life. My job. Everything I have known for many years. My daughter has been home with me pretty much 24/7 since the day she was born almost 6 years ago. I haven’t always loved it. There have been moments of near insanity. But now that it is changing, I feel a great sense of loss.

Before Cassidy was born, I was also home with my stepdaughter for about a year. So for 7 years now I have been classified as a Stay at Home Mom. Yes, for now, I will still be at home. And yes, I will still be a mom. But are you really a Stay at Home Mom when the kids are at school 7 hours a day? I suppose now my classification would be – Unemployed Mom.

Tonight is Cassidy’s Open House for her new Kindergarten class. We will be dropping off her enormous bag of supplies and meeting her new teacher. Last year she did attend 4K. That was about 3 hours a day 4 days a week. She will now be there all day Monday thru Friday. Just typing that made my stomach jump and my chest hurt. I am going to miss her so much. I am going to always be so worried about her and what she is doing and how she is feeling. Watching her ride away on that bus tomorrow morning is likely to have me bawling for a good portion of the day. I didn’t think of this stuff until just now. Until this past week, I had it in my head that school was off in the future…not necessary to be contemplated at the time. But it has now sneaked up on me and I am anxious as hell.

I have to think of something fun to do with her today. I have no idea what. We are taking her out to dinner tonight. But I want to have a special day for us. I just don’t understand how in thee hell she got so old so quickly. HOW??

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

2 responses »

  1. Hey Heather! I know just how you are feeling right now. I went through this 2 weeks ago. It IS hard, but it does get easier. I have decided to give myself until Labor Day to just do whatever. After that I am resigned to be better about cooking dinner (most nights) and getting the bathrooms cleaned — since my college kid left, I got that nasty job back! I highly recommend you giving yourself a little selfish moping, running errands, getting nails/hair/massage time. Then make a plan you can easily stick to. It is my goal to start slow and add a thing or two to the mix every so often. I have no dreams of being June Cleaver, but I do want to feel like I am home all these hours alone with a purpose. Good luck tomorrow! XX =]

    • Yea…I do have to figure out some kind of schedule so I don’t get stuck in a rut of laziness and depression. I already make dinner most nights…but I am going to make a TO DO list for each day. I definately can be a better ‘housekeeper’. There are probably a 100 projects I could do as well. One thing for sure…I will now do my exercising during the day instead of in the evening. And tomorrow I start a martial arts class with a friend (lol…now THAT will be hilarious I am sure). Ugh. I just know today is going to SUCK. I am so sad.

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