Today is the last day of something that was a fixture in my every day. My way of life. My job. Everything I have known for many years. My daughter has been home with me pretty much 24/7 since the day she was born almost 6 years ago. I haven’t always loved it. There have been moments of near insanity. But now that it is changing, I feel a great sense of loss.
Before Cassidy was born, I was also home with my stepdaughter for about a year. So for 7 years now I have been classified as a Stay at Home Mom. Yes, for now, I will still be at home. And yes, I will still be a mom. But are you really a Stay at Home Mom when the kids are at school 7 hours a day? I suppose now my classification would be – Unemployed Mom.
Tonight is Cassidy’s Open House for her new Kindergarten class. We will be dropping off her enormous bag of supplies and meeting her new teacher. Last year she did attend 4K. That was about 3 hours a day 4 days a week. She will now be there all day Monday thru Friday. Just typing that made my stomach jump and my chest hurt. I am going to miss her so much. I am going to always be so worried about her and what she is doing and how she is feeling. Watching her ride away on that bus tomorrow morning is likely to have me bawling for a good portion of the day. I didn’t think of this stuff until just now. Until this past week, I had it in my head that school was off in the future…not necessary to be contemplated at the time. But it has now sneaked up on me and I am anxious as hell.
I have to think of something fun to do with her today. I have no idea what. We are taking her out to dinner tonight. But I want to have a special day for us. I just don’t understand how in thee hell she got so old so quickly. HOW??