It Never Goes Away


Tuesday October 27, 2009

I was supposed to go to my daughter’s class tomorrow and help out for their Halloween Party.  We were both excited about me coming to her class. But yesterday I found out that I basically can never go on a field trip or help in the classroom for my daughter’s school.  To be able to do these things, Unified requires the parent to fill out and sign a Wings application. Which I do think is good and makes me feel better about who is allowed to be around our children during school hours. However, for me, this poses a heart aching problem.  On the application you have to answer many questions regarding your legal history and it gives them the right to get one’s records off of the Wisconsin Circuit Court Access.  Now, I think many of you already know the story behind my “criminal” history. But if not, you can read all about it here – The Day That Changed My Life.


I could write to Unified and allow them to have all court records with my application for a possible acceptance. But that means allowing all of Unified and the teachers at my daughter’s school to know about the accusations that were once against me.  And let’s say Cassidy falls into the table and bruises her face. It will only take one accusation for them to take her away from me.  Especially if that accusation is from a teacher.  Because lets face it, unless someone REALLY takes the time to listen to my story, they will never really be certain that I am NOT a child abuser.  Everyone wants to crucify the evil stepmother. Trust me.


Shortly after finding this out, my husband told me that his ex wife told him that my step daughter didn’t want to come home last night because I’m “mean” to her.  WTF. I do so much for her. And yes, it is not party time over here like it is on the weekends with mom. Yes, I am more strict about doing homework, chores and eating right.  She thought I was “mean” last week when I told her that her nightly reading assignment could not consist of reading names out of her yearbook.  I was also mean because I told her that she needs to wash her hair when she is at her mom’s house (it smelled like ass, seriously).  But am I mean when I take hours trying to get her hair just right for Crazy Hair Day (she won 1st place by the way). Am I mean when I tell her I love her every morning she walks out the door for school? Or when I make treats for school? Am I mean when I buy her little gifts and movies? It is because I am the one that deals with the homework, chores, getting dressed appropriately, eating the right foods, all that really fun stuff. I don’t really get much time, money or opportunity to be taking her to concerts, Chuck E Cheese, millions of parties, American Doll store…so of course I will not be the preferred parent. But MEAN??


Sometimes I really feel like running far far away.  If it wasn’t for Cassidy and I had made it thru that whole ordeal with out killing myself…life would be very different right now.



Well, I was going to talk about more than just that, but I suddenly do not feel like writing anymore. I will later or tomorrow. Thanks for listening to my blathering once again.


About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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