Last week, right before leaving for out vacation up north, Charlie received an email from his ex. She said that their daughter is so stressed out basically because I am so mean to her and I favor Cassidy and that she needs to see a psychiatrist. (sigh) Really?? REALLY??!!

First of all, I will poop my pants if this chic really makes the effort to find and get her to ANY appointment with ANY professional. That has always been done by me since before she was 2. She has taken her to an appointment (Dr, Dentist, etc) twice in the last 9 years…both emergency visits. So good, if she does it…it sure can’t hurt my step daughter. But can it hurt me?

This is a woman who fooled shrinks for years into diagnosing her with ADD so she can obtain Adderall for which she was addicted – a common practice, really…especially in Racine it seems. But the point is, she knows exactly how to act, what to say…she isn’t stupid in that regard at all! And Kenzie is clearly following in those foot steps. She knows that if she is made to follow a rule she doesn’t like or gets scolded for being naughty, she can just tell her mom I am mean and she will be coddled and babied by her mother who has been bad mouthing me for years. This kid is also not stupid.

So, they go in there, the shrink’s office I mean, and the ex lays it on thick about how mean I am…whatever she wants to say, really. Kenzie is listening, though she would already know what to say, and continues the BS. For whatever reason, this doc could end up in the mom’s vengeful back pocket.

Now, let me explain something here. One lie is made up about me hurting Mackenzie or anyone else in any way and I will be arrested and my child will be taken from me. That false charge is on my record forever and because of that I will always be assumed guilty if anything like that were to happen. This is clearly something I could not live through.


And this whole thing about me being mean or favoring Cassidy is ridiculous. If anything, Kenzie gets away with more even tho she is 5 years older, because I am so much like walking on thin ice all the time. She rarely gets in trouble and if she does it is never more than a scolding…no punishments or anything else. Cassidy is in like 12 time outs a day. Give me a break. Like I said, complete BS.

I am starting to see that I have little choice. My step daughter is only 10 now. But in a few short years, she will be lying and sassing with the best of them…and can I really trust that when mixed with an already volatile mother? I explained this to Charlie. And he did respond to her well. He basically told her that if she didn’t stop this shit, as much as he would hate it, she mind as well keep Kenzie most of the time. Which she could NEVER handle. Not in a million years. He sent that 2 days ago and still no response LOL. Shocker. But honestly, how can I continue to be alone with her when all it does it paint a huge friggin target on my back?

One more thing on the topic. Since the schedule changed…about 2 weeks or so…she is with me less, eating less meals here. She has gained 5 pounds in that short amount of time. I don’t think I need to repeat the kind of diet she is exposed to and allowed to eat when she is with that side of the family…its just awful. She is now medically 14 pounds over weight. That is at TEN. I cannot imagine how this is going to end up if she is allowed to continue this way. I do NOT want her to have a complex about her size or looks in any way. But changes need to be made for health reasons plain and simple. And for some reason I seem to be the only one who gives a shit about it. I just have to stop caring about all of this. I cook healthy meals. Beyond that, its out of my hands.


Last Thursday morning we left for Post Lake. It was the four of us and Charlie’s Dad and Stepmom. We stayed at a very nice cabin built and owned by their friend who lent them the cabin for those 3 days. It was a cute place!! I have pics on my site. We spent one day out on the lake tubing and just zippin’ around. And another day we went into Eagle River, went go carting and bumper boating and took a long scenic drive with the top down. The weather was absolutely perfect!!

It was nice being away from outside influences…no calls, no emails. The kids couped up with all of us in a 2 bedroom was a little much. More so for the grandparents who were clearly not used to being around kids…at least our kids LOL. Cassidy can be loud and obnoxious and Kenzie can be whiny and asks 1200 questions a minute. I thought his dad was going to blow his top.

All and all it was a nice trip.


Today is day 3 with no cigarettes for Charlie and me. We have been at each other’s throats big time. And I am trying to hide from the kids as much as possible today. I know I can do this. I have to do this. I do not want to die and leave my daughter with no mom so even worse some other psycho bitch Charlie could pick out (he’s obviously done it before me). I want to be a better role model and be able to have the kids do as I do and not just as I say. Not to mention I was so ashamed. I rarely ever smoked in public. I was way too embarrassed. Its disgusting, like picking my nose. I try not to do that in public either…usually. 😉 Anyway, I bought some Nicorette but it is seriously NASTY. I don’t know how that helps people. I hope it gets easier soon, for both of us. I get these anxious moments out of nowhere when I REALLY want one. But it isn’t as bad as it was the last time I tried..not yet anyway…its still early. I remember the first time I quit for 5 years…the first 3 weeks were awful. Man, I hope it doesn’t take that long. For Charlie too as he is being an ass.

Well, that’s all I got for now…I am super tired and cannot seem to think straight. Talk at ya later!!



****Disclaimer: When I weighed my step daughter I told her it was because I need to get her a new life jacket, which I do. So for the record…I never said a word about her weight.


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