Friday June 11, 2010

Standard

I watch So You Think You Can Dance. I do every season. Once they get past the silly tryout episodes (which, thankfully, they shortened considerably this year) it is a wonderful display of heart, emotion and a remarkable talent which brings tears to my eyes. When the show began, I seem to remember it being MUCH more amateur in nature. The people were not formally trained or professional dancers as they are now. I really appreciated witnessing the dancers improvements as the season progressed. And just the idea of these kids coming from nowhere and becoming their dream gave the show another component. This season, there is only one finalist who wasn’t’t formally trained. Many are already professional dancers. While the talent is at such a high level and it makes it fun to watch, there is a missing for the routing of the underdogs.

Nonetheless, this is a new treadmill show for me. There are certain shows which I only allow myself to watch while exercising. Biggest Loser, Losing it with Jillian, So You Think You Can Dance, etc. Shows which motivate me. Only thing is…it is very hard to exercise at a winded pace when your choked up and have knots in your throat. Anyway, the top ten was chosen and next week is when the show gets good. Lookin’ forward to it.

There are a few more summer shows which have returned and are on my DVR schedule. Last Comic Standing. I love that show. But anyone who knows me really well knows how much I LOVE stand up comedy. I grew up watching it always. HBO, MTV, late night on Fridays…it was on TV a lot in the 80s. Now, not so much and really only on Comedy Channel and a few HBO Specials. I rely on Comedy Channel as we have downsized our bills and HBO is no longer available. (Which sucks ass because I was in the middle of several shows I really liked (US of Tara, Nurse Jackie, Bill Maher) and I cannot see them anymore and have no idea how the stories turned out. I will have to rent them.

ANYWAY….The first season of Last Comic Standing was the summer I was pregnant. I loved my pregnancy and felt better than I had in a long time (after my morning barf sessions I mean lol). That summer Charlie had one of his carpal tunnel surgeries and he was off for like 6 weeks. It was just a great summer and now that I am thinking about it, I get kinda welled up. After the first couple months (those were hard with morning sickness, fights with Charlie, problems adjusting to heart meds) I was really very happy. Scared as SHIT. But happy. I don’t remember feeling like that since, now that I think about it and type these words. So, we would watch Last Comic Standing and I always would joke that the baby would grow up to be a stand up. But, I was also convinced she was a boy.

Hell’s Kitchen….oh yea. Gotta love that British asshole. Only problem…that show (and other cooking shows which I love…Top Chef, Next Food Network Star, Iron Chef America, Chopped…) make me so hungry!! LOL. I have to watch them while exercising or during a meal so I don’t snack. Its terrible the little self control and will power I possess.

Oh…Just remembered it is my old friend’s bday…gotta send an email…

Ok..I am back. Today is my friend, Paige’s birthday as well as her brother who was also a good friend, Yale…they are twins. I miss them. I miss those days. My junior and senior year as well as the summer after graduation…best summer ever. It was Paige, Toni, Yale and Toni’s brother Mark…we were always together. All sorts of fairly innocent shenanigans. Lots of fun. I haven’t been a part of a group like that since and not before then either. I think it was a once in a lifetime kind of dynamic.

My step daughter was indeed dropped off yesterday morning. The day before her mom asked if I wanted to be paid. She didn’t’t ask, ‘will you please watch Kenzie’. Not ever. Not once. She offered to pay..which come on. I would never take money for taking care of a child whom I have help raise since 14 months old. That was never the issue, never what I wanted. Which is what I replied to her. It ended at that and she was brought her here for me to watch her. I spoke to Charlie, my mom and some other people about it. I got a lot of really good advice, tho quite conflicting. It pretty much came down to me having to chose – best interest of Kenzie or best interest of me. Clearly I cannot pick myself over a 10 year old. Plus, I would hate for her to be in the alternate place (though I really do not think that was ever discussed or agreed upon…I’d bet money on it. That or they wanted to get paid and she does not have that money right now.)

I already got in trouble too. She emailed me last night expressing her hurt feelings and anger toward a decision I made yesterday. Kenzie gets picked up between 5:30 and 6:00 on the nights her mom has her. So, I always feed her dinner. I do this not only because she is hungry by 4pm but because this is the only time I know she is eating healthy. According to Kenzie and admitted in the past by her mom (this was even discussed in a counselor’s appt), she eats crap over there. Her mom says she refuses vegetables (remember, she is 10…not 3) and will throw a tantrum. She said we have no idea what she puts her through. WHAT?? Again. Its like a total 180 from how she behaves there and here. We have some minor issues here, but nothing even close to what her mom describes. Anyway, while grocery shopping yesterday Kenzie was asking for and showing me all of these things she has at her mom’s. Ok. Fine. Whatever. But it was all unhealthy and yet she referred to them as “very healthy”. Her view of what is healthy and what isn’t’t is SO skewed. I feel like everything we try to teach her here and are consistent about are completely undone once she walks out the door. It really concerns me. So, when she told me she wanted to eat cheese quesadillas and baked beans at her mom’s – only AFTER I decided to make fish for dinner – I said no, she can eat here. So, her mom is now mad at me for this. I have explained myself VERY honestly in length, but really have made no progress. I need to just quit. If she turns out fat with diabetes (how my dad died at 46)…I guess it is out of my hands. I have tried and tried to help. And maybe it is tough love kind of help…but I feel I have done all I can and that I am talking to a brick wall. This was the first day of summer break.

Again, there was more I wanted to write about today…but I gotta get off my ass for a while lol. Maybe I will be back later. If not, have a great weekend…it will be raining here off and on from now until Sunday…which blows. BUT…at least it is warm. Hoping for a nice weekend next week…North Beach is having quite the day…Volleyball Championships and Jet Ski Races.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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