Thursday May 13, 2010

Standard

In the past week I have been following the Tonya Craft case with great interest. Craft was a teacher with a master’s degree, a mother and was a loved member of her community. If you do not know about the story, HERE is an article which explains the case. And HERE is a website started by a friend of hers when this catastrophic, unjust witch hunt began. This site gives many details left out of the media arena and court proceedings. When I first heard of the case, I was making my bed half way paying attention to The Today Show on TV. Then her story came on and they uttered quotes given by Craft. My ears perked. I was floored by the statements she had given. So many of her words were said by me in regards to my case. Now, I cannot and would not give an equal comparison with our cases. What she has and will go through is beyond anything I can even imagine. But her words…her face…I just knew – she was innocent.

I know how easy it is to fall into the legal machine and get caught in something you never even knew existed. The assumption of innocence until proven guilty was quickly proved a foolish idea. There is no such thing. A person can easily be ground up in the gears of overzealous prosecutors, manipulative accusers and vengeful witnesses. Once in a while the perfect storm happens and an innocent person falls into a vortex that is nearly impossible to defend against.

Tuesday we learned that the jury found Tonya Craft innocent. A complete stranger, yet I was overcome with relief. Justice actually did prevail. However, the pain she has endured and will endure at some level for the rest of her life is something from which she will never find freedom. She has been kept away from her daughter for a long, long time. There is no doubt some major alienation issues will surface. Much damage has been done to this woman and the people who care about her. It is an absolute travesty. But thankfully she will be able to begin her healing outside the binds of shackles and bars.

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My husband sent the email I spoke of in a previous post. Instead of asking me considerately to watch her daughter on her days in the summer, she would rather pawn her off on her sister instead. Fine with me. Good luck with that. I will not be used, taken advantage of or walked upon any longer. It’s done.

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There was this guy I met in high school. I had a class with him and I always noticed he smelled very good. One day he asked me on a date. He brought me flowers and everything. I don’t think I had ever been given flowers on a date before. We got along and had things in common, but for whatever reason – I honestly do not remember – we did not continue to date. In my early twenties, after the ending of a long relationship, I met up with him again. I was in a bad time. I was drinking more than I should, smoking like a chimney, unable to pay my bills…I was just a mess. We talked for a little bit, but again ended on a friendly level. Years went by and in my thirties I received an email from him. A friend of his showed him the link to my website. Since then, he has checked up on my blogs and emails me on a regular basis. He is married and has a lovely family in Milwaukee. He has a big shot corporate job which keeps him very busy and traveling around the world. Yet, he takes the time to check in on me and write me very supportive and thoughtful emails. Sadly, I am not the best at keeping up with correspondences in a timely manner and I feel guilty for that when it comes to this guy. So, I just wanted to take this time to acknowledge my appreciation for his long distance friendship and for his compassion and consideration. Thank you. You know who you are J

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So, I think I mentioned in my last blog that I have hit 20 lbs now in my weight loss. It has taken a good 2 ½ months of hard work and really keeping an eye on what I eat. It has not been easy at all. My mom for years has been telling me that if I lost the extra weight, I would probably be less depressed. Not like that is a big newsflash, but she was really wanting me to lose weight. And of course so did I!! I felt (and still feel) horrible about myself physically. What is giving me anxiety now are two things. First, what if the weight comes back? Either due to hormones, if I need a medication or simply falling off the health wagon. My mom tells me I look so much better. “Just another 10 pounds and you will be perfect.” It makes me feel so scared that since I was clearly so fat and ugly before, it could very easily happen again. Also, what if I cannot lose anymore than what I have? I am nowhere near feeling good about my size. I still do not feel comfortable in a swimming suit. Another 10-20 would be ideal. But I don’t even know if it’s possible. I have been working so hard, I really do not think I can step it up any more than I have. I already am to the point where I feel very guilty when I just sit and do nothing. I feel like I need to be exercising in some way. I hate feeling obsessive about all this.

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There is a Father Daughter Dance at my kids’ school. This bothers me and I will tell you why. When I was a young kid, my dad wasn’t around. I would have been heart broken by the disappointment of either trying to get him to go or not even knowing where he was to ask him. Many kids do not have fathers…why do they not take that into consideration?

Charlie will be out of town that day. I wonder if they will kick us out if I take them and wear a tie. Think I should??

 

Well, it actually is treadmill time for me…so I will talk at ya later!! Take care!!!

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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