Jossart’s assistant called me. She was VERY nice and apologetic and they are very sad about what has happened, she said. She took my information and said she will find my file and call me by the end of tomorrow. What this man did was worse than just cronyism or laziness. People have committed suicide over things like this. People have murdered over things like this. He had the power to ruin lives and he did just that. The DA’s office at the time was no better I might add.
I talked to my mom tonight. My parents are LIVID. We always knew…but now that we KNOW, it gets ya in the gut. She reminded me of how bad it was too. The anxiety, depression, on the verge of becoming suicidal…my heart arrythmia was acting crazy…then it goes on to me not being able to go into social work or politics…not being able to get a job or even apply at some places (ie. hospitals)…and worst of all how it affected my family life. I cannot go on field trips with my daughter. I cannot help out in her classroom. And how do I explain that to a 5 year old?? All the other moms go, she tells me. In turn I have morphed into this blubbering worthless POS because I feel so defeated by life. I used to be strong, so independant, smart, funny. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. My marriage is rocky and has been since then. He still has a hard time understanding why I am uncomfortable being alone with my step daughter. There is just SO much that would have never been if this man and the DA would have done their jobs properly. I honestly could be dead right now. And THANK GOD I was able to pull out of that. You know, what really hurt and got me to that deepest place…there was an article on TJT online after the police report was released. No names mentioned, thank god. But the comments that followed the article were that of lynch mob mentality. These people, these fellow Racinians saying the most horrible things to and about me and what should be done with me. And there must have been ppl that knew who I was (her family I am certain) because they were mentioning my daughter and other personal things. I broke down. If it wasn’t for Cassidy…who knows if I’d be here today.
A JT reporter asked if I wanted to go on record with my story. I had it on this site for years until recently, so it shouldn’t really matter. But I still worry. I worry about judgment – even tho I know I am innocent and a good person, my head was really messed with back then. I started actually thinking I was bad, wrong and useless. I don’t want to go back there. And what if they go to the ex for comment. She could say any crazy ass thing she wanted. And people look at her and think she’s perfect. I have so much fear. But I also really want to tell my story. To anyone who will listen. I want the truth out there. The real friggin truth. But how could I do that without putting down others? See? I am torn. I will sleep on it.
You know, the more I think about this…the angrier I get. When this all happened and we were told CPS would be contacting us Monday morning…I was ready to get this all out of the way. No call. I tried several times. No responses. I had to keep calling to have just a 5 minute (at most) conversation with O’Brien. When I was going through all the legalities several years ago, I made a binder with every lick of evidence, email, notes you can think of…I was looking through it today. I found this timeline which demonstrates how it was so hard to GET investigated. I WANTED to be quite frankly. If I had just never called, maybe he would have ignore my case like he did others. I am just so mad at myself, really. Here is a scan of that part of the timeline:
Check out the article below.
This is the CPS worker who was assigned my case 5 years ago. I was never once investigated. Never arrested. Never given my rights. No one in my family was ever interviewed and neither was my husband’s ex who later recanted in a letter to the court. Yet six months after I was charged, a summons appeared in the mail informing me that I was being charged with Felony Child Abuse.
Needless to say, I am sick right now. I always knew that if only any of those things I mentioned above DID happen, my life would be so completely different right now.
I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday. Though I have no money for lawyer fees. None. Last time we had to get a second mortgage on the house. I also wrote to Robin Vos who is my Representative and also on the Expungement Committee. And I left a message for Debbie Jossart at RCHS.
I will keep you updated. Right now, I think I am going to throw up.