Aside from my regular daily duties, this is the only day this week I really don’t have anything I have to do. Because of that, I promised myself I would FINALLY write SOMEthing for the blog. It’s been months I think.
Tomorrow I am going to Cassidy’s school to read a story to the class. Three Billy Goats Gruff, I think. Cassidy is the Student of the Week this week (hurray!!) and this is one of the things that comes with that title as well as a Show and Tell, an About Me poster and she gets to be the teacher’s helper all week. She was so excited!! I asked her about tomorrow, “Should I bring a treat or something?” And she firmly replied, “No. You read the story and they you leave.” Welllll…okay then. LOL. So, it should be interesting. I haven’t “preformed” in years J Actually, it may sound silly…but I really AM nervous.
I guess I haven’t been writing – anything but Facebook Status Updates lol – in a long, long time because I have just felt scattered, tired and depressed. I will have these moments of wanting to write on a particular topic and actually have a lot to say…but then I get distracted or lazy or sleepy. A couple months ago I went to the Doc and explained that I think the Cymbalta I have been on for a couple years now (for depression) has pooped out. He decided to add ANOTHER antidepressant to the Cymbalta – Wellbutrin. I did not protest as I desperately wanted to feel better (I just never felt like doing ANYthing. Completely antisocial, tired all the time, no real joy in anything…) plus the stupid smoking habit I picked up about a year ago has been very difficult to kick and Wellbutrin is also an anti-smoking drug. So, I started it with very few minor side effects. And I liked some of them!! I started eating much less. Some weight has started to come off. I quit smoking with only a couple minor relapses (a lung infection helped that as well). And I do have a wee bit more energy. However, I still do not feel…well…normal. It is still SUCH a chore to make myself get out of the house for non-errand related events. I almost dread it. It’s not a fear really. I just don’t WANT to. I still feel VERY awkward socially. The PMDD is still terrible. And I still feel sleepier than I should. I almost just want to go off of EVERYthing and see how I feel naturally and just start over if need be. But that sounds scary to me. Ugh. I just don’t know anymore. I am trying so hard to be a happy, loving, energetic, positive mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt….I seriously am!! I just don’t know what else to do. I know I need to work on my diet. I exercise at least 5-6 days a week and I am strict about it. I take a crap load of vitamins and supplements. But my eating is not very good. I will eat nothing all day and then about 6 at night I will have a salad, a (healthy but large) bowl of cereal, a dessert of some kind and then something to munch on later while watching TV. Obviously I KNOW that is so wrong. And everyday I say I am going to change it…but I don’t. WTF. ANYWAY….so that’s that.
Ummm…let’s see…I think I am going to listen to the rest of Kathy Griffin’s autobiography on CD while I clean up around the house. I am going to write more soon…more current eventy type stuff I wanna discuss. Plus my lovely lung infection story. And I am sure there is more to gross and bore you to death…so hey!! Stay tuned……
Hi. I’m back. I didn’t get a chance to post this yesterday because I started feeling really sick. Achiness allll over, BAD headache, sore throat and extreme sudden exhausted. Also, I feel my neck glands swelling big time. Strep. I know it is. This is how it always starts with me. Usually, they make me come in for a throat culture. But the problem with me is I call as soon as I start to feel it and apparently that is too soon to get a positive rapid strep test so it always comes back negative…until a couple days later when they call and tell me I do indeed have it and THEN they call in the antibiotics. Well, by then I have felt like shit for a week. This time I explained that all to the RN and the Dr called me in the meds right away. Thank God. I really want to get this gone before it gets worse. I can NOT be sick again!!
I say again because on Thanksgiving, Charlie and I developed an upper respitory infection. Because of the holidays, being busy and Cassidy getting much sicker than we were (ended up being both 6 year molars coming in…it was awful)…we just wanted to wait for it to go away on its own. Meanwhile we were both coughing constantly. His cough went away thankfully. Mine on the other hand decided to turn into bronchitis and pleurisy in my left lung. One day I woke up and my upper side hurt sooo bad. I thought I must have pulled a muscle coughing so hard. I let it go a couple days and finally couldn’t stand it anymore. Went in for an xray and they put me on heavy duty antibiotics and codeine cough syrup. The cough went away in about 7 days or so and the lung pain gradually got better over a few weeks and as of a couple days ago – completely gone. Man, I thought I was going to be sick forever. So, basically two months of that had me on my butt more than I would have liked. Finally I start to feel better…pretty much done with the smoking since the lung thang…PMS over with…no more coughing and lung pain…what a relief. Then BAM…I start to feel like dookey again. It really pisses me off. What is the point of trying so hard to be healthy if I am just going to feel like crap all the time anyway??
Anyway, I really need to go lay down. I think the Advil is wearing off.