Friday January 30, 2009

Standard

I hate these melancholy days. These cabin fever triggered moments which bring on sort of a contemplative somber.  Does this happen to you too or is it just me? 

 

Sometimes I think of the past and I feel sincere gratitude for making it through and no longer being ‘there’.  But other times I think of yester-years and feel a great mourning for my youth, time wasted, friends lost, decisions not made and a life that seems not so long ago.

 

I need to know I am on the right path. But I am not sure what to look for. After all, this doesn’t even feel like I am on any path. It’s more like I am a statue – unmovable, steady, predictable, and reliable…but not progressing. Stagnant. But shouldn’t that be okay sometimes? Shouldn’t I be okay with that?

 

I love my family. I have more than I could ever need. I am fairly healthy. So what is with the empty sensation? What is missing? Or is it a void created by my own fucked up mind because it likes to torture me??

 

Perhaps if I take a nap, I will wake up on the ‘right’ side of the bed J

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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