I hate these melancholy days. These cabin fever triggered moments which bring on sort of a contemplative somber. Does this happen to you too or is it just me?
Sometimes I think of the past and I feel sincere gratitude for making it through and no longer being ‘there’. But other times I think of yester-years and feel a great mourning for my youth, time wasted, friends lost, decisions not made and a life that seems not so long ago.
I need to know I am on the right path. But I am not sure what to look for. After all, this doesn’t even feel like I am on any path. It’s more like I am a statue – unmovable, steady, predictable, and reliable…but not progressing. Stagnant. But shouldn’t that be okay sometimes? Shouldn’t I be okay with that?
I love my family. I have more than I could ever need. I am fairly healthy. So what is with the empty sensation? What is missing? Or is it a void created by my own fucked up mind because it likes to torture me??
Perhaps if I take a nap, I will wake up on the ‘right’ side of the bed J