Thursday December 11, 2008

Standard

Well…winter is here. The ground is covered in slush and snow, the sun appears one out of ten days, my vitamin D levels are rapidly depleting and my hibernation instincts are becoming an overpowering opponent. Thirty four years old and I still haven’t made my way out of a location which obviously not my geographic soul mate.  Yet the tethers are still keeping me in Eskimo purgatory.

 

If you haven’t already determined the sense of this blog, you will soon figure out that my mood is salty, my outlooks are bleak and my attitude sucks.  

 

I think a couple weeks back I mentioned I was quitting smoking after a couple month long yank off the wagon (a wagon I was happily riding for over 5 years).  Well, I was able to go 7 days. Then I ruined it. My new quit date was Monday (December 8th). I had one smoke that morning and haven’t had one since. I can assure you that this time quitting is about a million times more difficult than it was 5-6 years ago and I cannot understand why. The restlessness and urges are like tugs on my body parts trying to summon me to the store. Ugh…this is so hard. And it is making me very irritable.

 

I have been having those “wasting my life away” emotions again lately.  I just feel like this pile of dirty, dinged up wishes on the curb as two women walk by and whisper to each other, “What a waste.”

 

I am just not where I had hoped or even THOUGHT I would be at this time in my life. Time is whizzing by faster and faster and I cannot help to feel that this is just my life and I need to accept it and make peace with it. It’s not a bad life. It is a life many might hope to have. But it is just not the life my soul expected I suppose.

 

Blach. Enough of that.

 

On a much happier note, I did reconnect with an old friend via email this past week. It was very nice to hear from him and I hope we continue to keep in touch. This having no friends thing has really been getting to me. Who knew.

 

Anyway…I will write more later. My house is a mess, my hair looks like Helena Bonham Carter’s in Fight Club and my cat is eating the Christmas tree.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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