Thursday March 20, 2008

Standard

I have some things on my mind and I thought – hell, why not bore the willing with them! Oh aren’t you lucky. Of course, that is even assuming anyone would bother reading this in the first place.

 

As it is often the case, one of the first things on my mind is sleep. I have been so tired lately. And it isn’t just because of trouble sleeping. For the past couple weeks, I have started having nightmares. For a long time now my dreams have been incredibly epic and realistic. They are always like some B movie collaboration with Kubrick and Ephron directing. Strange and real at the same time. But lately, my dreams have moved from the interesting category to the disturbing and sad.

 

On Monday I had a dream that I was divorced and received a call from an old boyfriend who was also recently divorced. We realized we were always meant to be together and it was all planned out. But then he called back while I was packing to tell me that he saw a recent picture of me and realized I was now too fat for him, that he is used to skinny women and I wouldn’t “fit” into his life. As silly as that may sound, I was quite devastated and humiliated and woke up feeling like an institutionalized cow.

 

On Tuesday I had a dream that my deceased Grandma Rose called me on my cell phone (from heaven) to warn me that my baby – who was about 6 months old in my dream – was visiting her in the afterlife and that she was not well. I ran into her bedroom and she was obviously very sick. I kept yelling “Grandma! Grandma!” into the phone with no response. My mom, stepdad and brother all tried racing her to the ER. She was burning up so I kept dumping cold water on her head. It was so real. I can even remember the feeling of her warm short fuzzy hair on my cheek as I held her. It took forever getting to the hospital. I think we finally got there and I just held her in a hospital bed. I was bawling violently. I am not sure what happened after that.  But I did wake up with a sore throat and absolutely exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open yesterday.

 

These are just a couple of examples. I really do not think I am getting sleep – even though I am obviously “sleeping” and dreaming…I do not think I am getting real sleep. I wake up so tired as though I have actually been going through these bizarre events.

 

So, since I had not been sleeping well, I decided last night to take Advil PM – which works very well for me. I have a script for sleeping aids, but I am too afraid to take them. I have heard one too many stories of baking brownies naked in the middle of the night or taking a drive across town while fast asleep. Ummm, no thanks. As much as I like brownies…baking naked just really seems like a nasty burn waiting to happen. Not to mention the poor soul who walks in and has to see that hot mess. Anyway, so I took the Advil and dozed off to butterfly land. But then I woke up in the middle of the night to the feeling of breath shooting up my nose. Thankfully I opened one eye before starting to swing. Apparently my daughter crawled into my bed in the middle of the night. She has NEVER in 3 ½ years done this. I have actually felt insulted that she never wanted to sleep with me since I know that most kids do at some point want to sleep with their parents. So, I just let her stay since that is really the only chance I have had to have her near me without her being loud and crazy! But I would soon regret that decision. She rolled closer and closer to the point I had about six inches of sleeping space. Plus, she moves around like a monkey on crack all night. So, not only did I get a crappy night sleep, I now I have Advil PM hangover exhaustion.

 

Tonight, I am thinking about locking myself in the bathroom and filling the tub with blankets, taking an extra Advil and wearing ear plugs. However, with my luck I will accidentally kick water knob and wake up drenched in the middle of a heart attack.

 

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So…it is suppose to snow tonight. No, not a little dusting. They are expecting 8 – EIGHT – inches. What is today? Today is the first day of spring. March 20th.  But does Wisconsin care? Oh hell no. Why the hell do I live here?? (whine and pout).

 

There is one silver lining though. I am getting an ice cream cake for my husband’s birthday on Saturday and it is WAY too big for our freezer. I was kinda worried about this, but now I can just put it out in the snow!

 

Mmmm….cake. Between that and Easter Brunch I will surely gain 5 lbs this weekend. I better step it up on the treadmill!!

 

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Today is my last day of work until April 1st. Normally, that would be exciting for most people, right? Well, the reason I am taking off next week is because the cost of putting both girls in daycare (Spring break – no school) would actually be more than I make. So, needless to say, I took the week off. But the thought of spending the whole week listening to “Get out of my room!!” “Quit hitting me!!” “Mom, she’s being mean to me!!” “Let go of my toy!!” “I don’t like you!!” “Go away!!” “It’s my turn!!” ‘Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” That last one was me. Ugh. Note to self – take extra meds….

 

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My hair appointment is approaching soon and since I have decided to chop it off, I am increasingly nervous. I was looking through some catalogs last night and I swear – every single woman had beautiful long locks that resembled that of the princesses my kids think are the shit. Looking at all those flowing curls and lengthy shiny strands, all I could think about was how I may soon be looking like a boy. Perhaps I should start a pool. Will she cry like a baby in the middle of the salon sucking snot the entire time under the dryer?? Where would you place your bet?

 

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After going back and reading what I have written today…man, I really wish I still smoked weed. Maybe someone can just blow some in my direction – you know, just to take the edge off….??? Any volunteers??????

 

Thanks once again for letting me spout off. I shall talk at ya later. Peace.

 

Oh, and Happy Spring. (ppwpwwththt…yea right)

 

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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