Monday February 25, 2008

Standard

Well, I just called the Vet’s office to get Bob’s test results – I was hoping for an infection to be the cause of his poor kidney results – and the news isn’t good. There is no infection whatsoever, so he does indeed have CRF (chronic renal failure). The Dr. is going to call me tomorrow (he isn’t in today) to answer any questions. Bob isn’t in any pain at all. He is actually acting very healthy and normal. I am trying to adapt him to his kidney food which he is being a butthead about!! I mix about one tsp of it in with about 2 tbsp of his normal wet food and even though I mix it very well…he somehow finds a way to sometimes eat around it the kidney food nuggets. But I think he is getting more accepting of it. Eventually the Dr. would like him to only eat that, but he and I agreed that would be unlikely. So, I guess for now, all I can do is keep him as healthy as possible and spoil him as much as he will let me. I am going to try to make him the longest living Feline CRF patient in veterinarian history.

 

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Aside from being depressed about Bob, I am feeling HORRIBLE about myself lately. I am not sure if I have ever discussed this before, but I have these weird forms of OCD called Trichotillomania and Dermatillomania. While I usually have them completely under control, for some reason, since beginning the Cymbalta…it has reappeared. As far as the trich – which is the hair pulling…I have only done this with my eyebrows. Ever since I was about 16. I pick at the little brows that are growing in and as I pick them, I also damage some skin which scars up and then I pick at that. I also pick at anything that is on my face such as a pimple or any imperfection. Then I spend weeks attempting to make the marks go away. That is where I am right now. I have 4 marks on my face which look AWFUL. I am constantly putting this salicylic acid cream on it to dry it up so it will go away. I am honestly embarrassed to even leave the house. Why can’t I just be NORMAL??!! I realize I could have it much worse. Yes, I have depression, but it isn’t THAT bad. I am not suicidal or anything. Yes I have OCD but I am only obsessive and not really compulsive, so that isn’t as bad as it could be. Yes I have Trichotillomania, but at least I do not pull out the hair on my head like many do. So, while I do know it could be MUCH worse…I still hate that I have these weird ass things to begin with. It sucks. I just want to be young and carefree and pretty again. Now, I feel old, anxious and hideous. What a drag.

 

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As you may know, I am not really a girly girl. I do not often talk about clothes and shoes and shopping and hair…but today I will anyway. I finally got my hair back to its natural color a while back after years of highlighting and coloring. My hair is very healthy and in good shape. But I see why I started highlighting to begin with…its so boring!! Mousy brown and dead straight. BLAH. I received a gift certificate for my salon for a Xmas present this year. I still have it and I think I have decided to get highlights again. I need SOMEthing to give me an uplift and I think that may help. I want to do it in a way where it takes the least maintenance possible. I was even considering lowlights. I have to look through some pictures and decide. I did find these 2 pictures which I think look SO cool…but it would be way too much maintenance and plus…lets face it…I just aint that young anymore. Boo. Anyway…here are the pics of which I speak…I like the first one the best!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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