Thursday November 1, 2007

Standard

Well, I was supposed to hear about the contest (the Philosophy L.A. contest) by Monday if I was a winner. It is now Thursday morning and I have heard nothing. So, I guess I need to come to the realization that I am a big fat loser. Am I bummin’? Hell yea. I have never been to L.A. and would have LOVED the opportunity – not to mention the break. You would think with only 50 finalists and 25 winners…they would have the decency to let even the losers know. I guess they saw my headshot and through my submission in the trash. I am sure they are looking for real beauties to help sell their products. What was I thinking??!!

 

Anyway….

 

Not much else going on that is of any interest really. I have been taking my new probiotics and supplements for about a month now. I guess I do feel a little less tired…but no real noticeable major changes. I am still very irritable and depressed. I will be going to a new Doctor in about a week and wonder if he will suggest medication. I am dreading it. All of it. Starting over with a new doc. The thought of even MAYBE having to take a long term medicine (already on two – one for anxiety and one for tachycardia). All of it I truly want nothing to do with. But I cannot go on living this way. I feel my life is wasting away.

 

I am reading a book called Adrenal Fatigue. I swear, it is amazing that almost every word in that book describes me and how I feel. I guess it isn’t really recognized in conventional medicine or by conventional doctors. Much the same as Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and some other ailments. It truly sucks. But I know this MUST be what I have. And I think the depression is simply situational. But since there really aren’t cures or even doctors willing to acknowledge adrenal fatigue…this “situation” will probably be around for a long time. That truly sucks.

 

I had a dream last night that was so great. I didn’t want to wake up. Do you ever have those?? I was taking some class with this really cool teacher. And in this class I met a guy. I don’t know who it was but he looked and acted like Jim from The Office. We got close really quickly and it was as though we were soul mates. We laughed all the time, finished each other’s sentences, goofed around…and I was so happy. It was that “new love” feeling. I was pretty bummed when I woke up. Those dreams are never long enough. Thinking back on it now…I feel kinda sad that I will likely never get to feel that way again. I know that may sound awful. I am married and I do love my husband. But if you have ever fallen in love, you must know what I mean.

 

Anyway…this has been a bummer, whiney blog and I do apologize. I promise to be more upbeat next time – okay??

 

Talk at ya later.

 

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

5 responses »

  1. I don’t know about all those conditions, but I have been fighting depresion for years now and know what you meen about having to take meds and not wanting too.  I also REALLY understand what you are saying about being stuck in a relationship with someone you love, but having to realize that you will never get to experience that NEW love feeling again.  I love my wife, but it seems like all the romance is gone.  I’m to old now to do anything about it and that I have to just accept.  I hope things get better for you or have by now since your blog entery is a few months old now.  Take care and smooth seas, Chris

  2.  I am glad to hear that your FATIGUE is improving HEATHER.The problem is that the human body is just such a complex system that Symptoms can overlap so many conditions.My Psychologist warned me about looking for too many tests as he said inveritably they turn up something and I found that was the case.It then leads you onto a Goose Chase that inveritably leads nowhere.Also the more doctors you se,the more that they differ with their ideas.The only thing that seems to be common with persistant fatigue is Depression.I said oh poop for many years but although not 100% convinced I have been on Anti depressants for 6 years,mainly Paroxatine and my fatigue has Improved greatly.I hope you are better .ROB Australia.

  3. My Iron levels – along with many others have been checked. And due to my low cortisol levels, I have been diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue which is not Addisons. It is a very real and prevelant ailment. Read the book Adrenal Fatigue and you will see how common and misunderstood it it. Since taking the supplements I have been lacking, I am MUCH less fatigued. Adrenal Fatigue and Depression often go hand in hand. However, not everyone with depression has adrenal fatigue or vice versa. Stress does deplete the adrenal glands and cortisol as well as other necessary hormones.

  4.  I Don’t think you have Adrenal Fatigue Heather.A condition like that is life threatening and is usually associated with Addison’s disease or being on Prednisolone and not tapering..
     Fatigue can be caused by a lot of things,but it is a Major indicator of Depression. It wouldn’t hurt to have your Iron levels checked but.

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