Well, I was supposed to hear about the contest (the Philosophy L.A. contest) by Monday if I was a winner. It is now Thursday morning and I have heard nothing. So, I guess I need to come to the realization that I am a big fat loser. Am I bummin’? Hell yea. I have never been to L.A. and would have LOVED the opportunity – not to mention the break. You would think with only 50 finalists and 25 winners…they would have the decency to let even the losers know. I guess they saw my headshot and through my submission in the trash. I am sure they are looking for real beauties to help sell their products. What was I thinking??!!
Not much else going on that is of any interest really. I have been taking my new probiotics and supplements for about a month now. I guess I do feel a little less tired…but no real noticeable major changes. I am still very irritable and depressed. I will be going to a new Doctor in about a week and wonder if he will suggest medication. I am dreading it. All of it. Starting over with a new doc. The thought of even MAYBE having to take a long term medicine (already on two – one for anxiety and one for tachycardia). All of it I truly want nothing to do with. But I cannot go on living this way. I feel my life is wasting away.
I am reading a book called Adrenal Fatigue. I swear, it is amazing that almost every word in that book describes me and how I feel. I guess it isn’t really recognized in conventional medicine or by conventional doctors. Much the same as Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and some other ailments. It truly sucks. But I know this MUST be what I have. And I think the depression is simply situational. But since there really aren’t cures or even doctors willing to acknowledge adrenal fatigue…this “situation” will probably be around for a long time. That truly sucks.
I had a dream last night that was so great. I didn’t want to wake up. Do you ever have those?? I was taking some class with this really cool teacher. And in this class I met a guy. I don’t know who it was but he looked and acted like Jim from The Office. We got close really quickly and it was as though we were soul mates. We laughed all the time, finished each other’s sentences, goofed around…and I was so happy. It was that “new love” feeling. I was pretty bummed when I woke up. Those dreams are never long enough. Thinking back on it now…I feel kinda sad that I will likely never get to feel that way again. I know that may sound awful. I am married and I do love my husband. But if you have ever fallen in love, you must know what I mean.
Anyway…this has been a bummer, whiney blog and I do apologize. I promise to be more upbeat next time – okay??
Talk at ya later.