Sunday June 17, 2007

Standard

I haven’t written in a while. Guess I have been a little busier, about the same amount of lazy and a tad ‘writing-ed’ out. 

My husband went up north with a friend for a few days. He left on Thursday, which incidentally was our 4th anniversary. He took that day off and we went to Red Lobster (lame to most, but I like it) for a late lunch and he left that evening. He came home Sunday evening, thankfully because I am exhausted. One thing I can say about him is that he is pretty good at helping me with the kids when he is not working. We share the kid responsibility in the after work hours and on weekends. Which – yes – is how it should be. But I hear much too often that is not the norm. So, I am grateful for that. Because being a stay at home mom, by the end of the day – I need my 30 minutes on the treadmill away from everyone. I need some help with the discipline. I need him to take them away for an hour once in a while. I may sound like a spoiled baby. But for as long as I have known me – whats it been – 33 years now? Anyway, I have ALWAYS been someone who needs more downtime than the average person. Which is actually a strong ‘symptom’ of being an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I need quiet every so often or I feel as though my head will explode. And I just need my moments to breath and release those muscles that I hadn’t realized had been quite tensed all day. You know that feeling? When you accidentally relax and it is at that moment when you suddenly realize that a particular muscle must have been tightened and tensed for the past 3 days without you really being conscious of it? Anyway, that happens to me ALL of the time. So when he came home, I was ready for him to help out with who had once been my sweet lovely daughter.

Once been? Yes. She has somehow been invaded and is now unimaginably NAUGHTY. She defies me any chance she can find. And she thinks it is hilarious. It is not like she is spoiled or gets away with it. I am quite consistent and she most certainly has consequences. But she just doesn’t care about them. About 75% of her toys are in the basement right now. She has the ‘naughty chair’. She gets time outs. None of it helps. I also do positive reinforcement. When she is particularly nice or helps out – I give her happy stickers and she gets to pick out one of her confiscated toys to bring back upstairs. I know, I know. She is in those ‘terrible twos’ you hear so much about. But does this mean that in 3 months she will be my darling little angel again?? (Say yes. Please…say yes).

I have been taking these writing assignments from that California magazine that I have posted CD Reviews for in the recent past. I had written an article about the origin of hops, the origin of the tortilla, a few more CD reviews and have one due Tuesday on students having pen pals. It’s not exactly the kind of writing that floats my boat. And there is no pay involved. It also takes up a bit of time and adds some anxiety to my plate. So why do it? To practice. To write. To see my name in print is even a motivation – as silly as that may seem. Perhaps it will lead to something someday. Who knows. Cross your fingers, eh?

Today was Father’s Day. As some of you may know, my step father, Randy, raised me with my mom. And I am very grateful for that. He could always be counted on in those moments of dead cars, rides home from parties gone bad and not to mention braces, medical bills, clothing and everything else a kid needs. My dad was in and out of my life since the age of 7.  And he died when I was 23.  He was 46. I miss him incredibly. Not the guy who inhabited his body the last couple years of his life, but the man I knew before that. So funny and witty and smart and sarcastic and childish. That guy. I wish I saw him in my dreams more often. I have such vivid and life-like dreams. Others dream of their loved ones who have passed on. Why don’t I? Once in a blue moon he or one of my grandmas will pop in. But VERY rarely and I think that totally blows. Are they simply too busy? Did they never really like me? What the hell! Anyway, I really miss my dad and I hope he had a good father’s day. In his honor I ate a shit load of junk food and watched a couple movies this weekend.

Speaking of movies…I have seen a few good ones in the past couple weeks. The Fountain, The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio and Shut Up and Sing. All were quite good and much better than I had anticipated. I also watched All the Kings Men (new remake with Sean Penn) which was interesting – not great…but good.

Before that (cannot remember if I had mentioned) I had seen Little Children, Notes on a Scandal and Children of Men. All three were FABULOUS. And all very different and great for different reasons.

Since I have seen so many, I will make a separate post about the movies. Not really reviews because that would take a while…but just brief jots on how I felt about them.

Oh, I added a couple cute pics of Cassidy (and some unfortunate ones with me in them) to the May/June 2007 Album.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I am exhausted. So I must end now before my head violently hits the keyboard and I drool on the laptop causing some horrible electrical shock which will kill me and most certainly ruin the computer. So…nite nite.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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