This That and a Donut

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Today Cassidy and I went out to my parents’ house (they live about 45 mins – out in the county). We spent most of the day in the yard, just relaxing and chasing after the wild one. It was a nice day for it and a nice visit. I am glad we went out. She sure tired herself out though!! About 2 minutes into the car ride and she was zonked. And she still is — now on the couch. I can’t believe she is still sleeping!! Her dad will be home soon though and we may go to an early dinner. She ate some turkey – A LOT actually and Triscuits at my moms…but all I had was a donut for breakfast…so, I need a good meal 🙂
 
Yesterday I learned that I won a blog contest for the Journal Times. I wrote a separate blog about it in case you are interested. But anyway, not to my surprise I had a heckler that said some mean things. She even got reported and one of her posts were deleted. I guess (I didn’t see it myself, but I was told this by others on the site at the time) that she said something to the effect of ‘leave it to the Journal Times to award someone who abused their step child’.  Needless to say – ouch. And for anyone who has not read my blogs about this or who know me personally – I did NOT abuse her nor would I ever abuse or mistreat ANYone especially a child. Being a parent is the single most important thing to me.
 
This particular person, who I think is female, and another woman have both decided to use me as anonymous target practice on the JT Blogs. One of them even leaves nasty comments on here once in a while. They have both visited this site numerous times – one of them is on here several times a week at least. I know because I tracked her IP address from the JT site. I usually only do that when someone is giving me problems. Anyway, they use the information I have shared on this site – mainly about the issues concerning the situation with my step daughter or my anxiety problems – and use it to sting me on the JT site. They both say horribly mean things of which they know nothing about. I am not quite sure why they choose to vent their anger onto me. Perhaps it is my politics or my feelings on religion (I think they are both pretty religious – whatever that means – when a person claims to be religious and then spews hatred, evil and venom…well…whatever) who knows.
 
I have a friend who also used to frequent the JT site who tells me all the time to ignore these people, see them for what they obviously are and just give it no thought. I know he is right. Of course he is. So why can I not do that? I never EVER go out of my way to be mean or hurtful to anyone for no reason. So I guess I have a hard time understanding how others can be that way. But why does it bother me the way it does? These people could be literal trolls living in a trash heap shooting rocks at cars as they drive by just for the fun of it. So why on earth would I care?? I need to get back to that mantra I have on my email "It is none of my business what other people think of me." I need to cram that into my head so it sticks permanently.
 
I know what kind of person I am. I know that even with my faults, neurosis-es, annoyances…I am still a very loving, overly caring person who truly wants what is best for all. I really truly do. Even the people who have hurt me. Because if they find that happiness, they will likely stop hurting others – including me so it isn’t entirely selfless!! Like my husband’s ex. There were times in the past she would do or say something REALLY nasty to me. But then she’d apologize and I would forget about it and be friendly again. Even AFTER ‘the incident’ – I was willing to accept that everyone involved made mistakes – life altering mistakes – including myself. So I still had saddness for the loss of that strange, unconventional friendship we had. And to this day I HONEST TO GOD want her to find out what is missing in her life and be a happy, healthy, responsible person. For everyone’s sake – even hers.
 
Point is…I know I am a good person. I know I have a good heart. I know I am a very good parent – to BOTH kids. Why can’t that be enough to make me not care what others say and think? When can I stop defending myself – or at the very least not feel that I need to??
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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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