Friday March 2, 2007

I havent written…waiting for good news and positivity to report. The negativity is making me sick. I cannot stand the site of my own words or the sound of my voice any more. I need something good to say. Of course last night was no exception. I will not go into details – but some shit went down and it was a baaaad night. Between my husband, me and his ex. Between my husband, me and his daughter. Between my husband and I. And then Cassidy gave me a HUGE scare (everything turned out ok…but I almost had a heart attack). On top of that I have barely slept in 3 nights and have had a vice like sinus headache on and off for 3 days. Its just a very sad time right now. I am on the edge or a turning point…whatever you want to call it. Things will be changing – hopefully for the better. But needless to say, I am very scared. Very scared. I want everything to turn out okay and just have a calm, peaceful life. Is that really so much to ask for??
Okay…I am done with this now.
I am going to list things that I am so very grateful for and appreciate in my life
Cassidy’s goofy laugh
When my cat licks my cold nose
Laying in bed watching a mindless sitcom
A HOT bath
My husband’s faithfullness
Cassidy’s humor – even at such a young age
The fact that spring will soon be here
My new pink fluffy slippers that cost only 4 bucks at Target
Friends that have come out of the woodwork after years of silence
Stand up comedy
Relief that my headache is in remission at the moment
Planning a much needed vacation
Dried Kalamata Figs
My Mom’s love
A candle I have that a friend gave me that smells SO good
The fact that Cassidy is ALMOST potty trained
Sweet and sour shrimp
My husband’s integrity
My treadmill which makes exercise – which I HATE – much more tolerable
Mint Chip Frapachino (decaf of course)
Having a nice warm home
The sound of Cassidy reading or singing to herself when she thinks I am not listening
My step daughter doing so well in school
Great movies that give me that lump in my throat
Pina Coladas
My mother’s humor
A couple friends who have been so supportive, compassionate and there for me lately – even if just on the internet – when I really need them (Erin, Jack, John, Brian, Laura, Tom…)
Lobster with warm lemony melted butter
There are many more….of which I will likely add to later….

About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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