Monday February 26, 2007

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Why I am not taking a nap right now is beyond me. I tried so hard to stay awake for the Oscars last night and conked out toward the end. I think I fell asleep about 11:20 or so?? Anyway, Cassidy was up by 6:30…so for me, that is simply not enough sleep. My eyes are even burning.
 
It’s not that I care so much about the Oscars. I mean, like these people need any more accolades and attention than they already receive..right? But I still watch nonetheless. Probably so I can complain about the winners and losers.
 
I have to say that I loved Ellen as the host. But, then again, she is one of my most favorite celebrities of all time..I just think she is great. I feel so proud of her. I know that sounds ridiculous because I do not know her…she certainly doesn’t know me…and she is like 15 years older than I am. But I have been following her career since I was a kid. I watched her preform stand up on HBO when I was younger than 12 I believe. Ever since then I routed for her. And the way she paved the way for gay people, not only in Hollywood, but in general – is so commendable. And now look at her. She is fabulous.
 
Jennifer Hudson. Oh boy. Can we like not hear from her for a while now. The chic is talented. There is NO disputing that. But to win an Oscar for singing? I don’t get it. Oscars should be based on the talent of acting (in acting categories) period.
 
Alan Arkin!! I am THRILLED. So deserving and I really routing for him.
 
The Departed. I did like it. A lot actually. The best picture in that genre (and if you know me, you know that is MY genre) in a LONG time. But I really wanted Little Miss Sunshine to win that one. No movie has made me cry so many happy tears many years and that is really the sign of a Best Picture.
 
Okay enough about the Oscars.
 
We watched a few movies since we were practically stuck inside all weekend with this winter crap.
 
The Illusionist – Much better than I had expected. Could have done without Jessica Beil…but all the other actors were fantastic. I always love Ed Norton of couse..as well as Paul Giamatti. It was good. Not great…but good. If it had been a touch longer, I think there could have been more details to make it a much better story…to make the audience care more.
 
Unknown – This movie reminded me A LOT of Suicide Kings which is one of my all time favorites. However, it certainly wasn’t as good as that. It also had components that were reminiscent of Usual Suspects. This movie was good. I was interested the whole time and you really don’t know the answers until the very ending – which I love. But again, more details. The movie is basically a one room, character driven piece. We should have gotten to know these characters (not who they were…but who they were NOW – once you see it you’ll know what I mean) so we could care more about them. More dialog. Just…more. It was good though.
 
Half Nelson – This was a really good flick. Ryan Gosling was AWESOME. Great acting. It was a real, meaningful and down to earth story. I liked it a lot. The ending didn’t spell everything out for you, but that can be a good thing.
 
Okay…enough about movies.
 
I explained to Charlie the other night that I needed his help. I have been realizing these past months that I need to change. I need to completely make over my way of thinking and create a more positive me. I have so much anger, bitterness, depression and negativity that I know it must be effecting me physically and could be killing me. I want to be a peaceful person who makes people happier…I no longer want to be a drag. I want to live for now…forgive and accept. To let go of all that is holding me back and not allowing me to be happy and calm.
 
Charlie has a way about him where he enjoys antagonizing people. "Just giving you a hard time" I hear so often. Well, I need to find this place of quiet peace and for now…just for a while so I can find this place…I need not to be given a hard time. I need him not to argue just for the sake of arguing. I need him to be supportive. I need him to stop sweating the small stuff so I can stop sweating the small stuff. He said he understood. But then he started an argument with me 2 hours later about me not wanting to explain the end of the Illusionist – I thought my explaining it would not do it justice and he needed to SEE it. He thought that was ‘being mean’.
 
Anyway, not much more I can do. I hope he starts to see what I need. I hope he starts to get it and really care. I am not saying I cannot get healthier in this environment – maybe I can. But it would be nice to have some help from the person who is around me most.
 
Anyway…I need to do some things before Cassidy wakes up. Perhaps I will write more later.
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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

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