Scared to Death of Death

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Now for something a wee bit personal…

Eight years ago I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder. I tried counsling, pills, and other forms of treatment. None of them really worked. About 1 1/2 years ago the attacks were getting worse and started to include very noticable palpitations. One day I ended up in the ER with a heart rate of 153. That rate sustained for about 6 hours with the attempt to use vagel exercises. They finally gave me a beta blocker and it returned to normal. After some testing, a cardiologist diagnosed me with SVT and said I probably never had Panic to begin with. Since then I have taken a beta blocker daily and have not had any more ‘panic attacks’. The medication has changed my life and I am very grateful for it. However, I have developed this huge fear of death. I am constantly thinking about it. I am constantly looking for answers about death and an afterlife. I am always imagining or dreaming about my death. I am straight up scared to death of death. I was not raised in any religion. I do not have a strong faith. I want to believe in an afterlife very much and have a hard time living with the knowledge that it is quite possible that one does not exsist. I had a baby girl about 8 months ago. I fear daily that I will not be able to see her grow up, that I will not see her get married, and have her own kids. I fear I will die much too young..and then even worse, that there is nothing after this life. I am always scared and I am sick of it! I want to be able to live my life in the moment. I do not want to waste anymore time being in fear. What can I do? I logically in my brain know what to say to myself. I know it is not rational to be this way..yet I do not have the tools to simply stop.

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About Heather Rayne

I am a mom, wife, writer, volunteer, eater of food, lover of animals and avid TV enthusiast. I am opinionated, honest, compassionate and sensitive. I can also be difficult, hard headed and emotional. I consider myself to have a great sense of humor and am very attracted to that in others. I am striving to live an authentic life. I am attempting to learn how to find happiness in the now. I always have hope to be a better person. That being said - I can be vulgar, negative and even a little bitchy at times. I say what I mean and my filter is often dysfunctional. With me, what you see is what you get. I have strong opinions and am quick to speak my mind. This can cause problems from time to time but I do not ever intend to hurt or offend anyone. With that - be warned. I do hope you enjoy my site. Thanks for visiting and have a swell day.

6 responses »


  1. i feel exactly the same way about death. and i never knew there was such thing as a Panic Disorder! i grew up the same way you did without religion and i also believe that there is a possibly that there’s no such thing as an afterlife. and i wish there was. i can’t talk about death and i can’t even think about death b/c i will have a sudden anxiety attack or maybe it’s a panic attack i have no idea. all i know is that, my heart starts to beat really fast, the room starts to spin and get’s blurry, i get claustrophobic all of the sudden and i feel like i’m going insane. i’m guessing that’s an anxiety attack. i don’t know what it is.
     
    but, i thought i was the only one that felt this way! i’m scared to death of death. but, i don’t think about death as often as you b/c of how it affects me. i try my best to steer away from the subject and every time it does come up, i have to force myself to think of something else before i start to panic or something!

  2. Being a very high spirited individual and loving life as I do, the fear of death consumed me for many of the years of my life.Because of my fears, I was driven in a quest to determine the truth about life and death.I’ve learned that life is life because of our souls and our consciousness of life. Death is the total and complete opposite and we are not aware of it.And although I am sometimes accused of being religious; I AM NOT!!! But I am definitely CHRISTIAN!!!Based on the rightly divided Word of GOD, death is total unconsciousness and we will remain in that state of unconsciousness until CHRIST returns to summon us to meet Him in the air, along with those Christians who are alive at his coming.So,relax and understand that the fear of death is all we have to fear. God bless all.

  3. Hey… thanks for visiting my site… about the pictures, you just have to go to "Statistics" when you’re signed in, then click on "Storage". All your pics will show up there and you can delete whatever you want. I think that’s what you were asking about… ha… I’m not exactly sure… I hope I helped! If not, then just ignore this message!!!

  4. Hi!I too have these fears like you. Except mine is not just fear of death, it's more like fear of the ''dying''. The dying process that would be long and drawn out with much suffering. While I think everyone would like to die in their sleep, it's probably not going to happen that way. So my mind races as to ''how'' I'm going to die. Some awful kind of cancer with long bouts of raditation and chemo and all the suffering that would bring.I didn't grow up with any religion either, but in my 20's (I'm 40 now) I was influenced to attend church and started to really ''get it'' and understand it. It's a non-denominational church (unlike Catholic, Baptist, etc.) and they just flat out believe in the Bible. Everything that was written in the Bible can be linked to an everyday situation. So, back to the death issue: I know where I'm going once I die, Heaven! No doubt in my mind. There is no ''after-life", other than one that involves residing in Heaven w/ our Heavenly Father. But I still fear the death process…. does that make sense?I, too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. And when I'm not in the middle of one, it's easy to sit back and look at the event as being irrational. While in the midst of one, it's horrible! I pray for peace for anyone who suffers from this awful disorder — good job on your site ;)

  5. Charlie,I have those same feelings at times. My husband and I discuss moving up north one day. But in the way back of my brain I actually think about how being in such a rural area may be difficult because it is so far from a hospital. Its nuts. I am learning to challenge these irational thoughts tho. But it is a long process. A book that has really helped me is The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne. I wish you well!!

  6. Well heather i know how you feel,I to think alot about dieing and death even on a drive i feel fear when i get to far away from help.."like what if i have a heart attack here ,how long it will be before help gets to me" I find it a bit scary..Charlie

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