Why Are You Single, Again?

Up front, I would like to say that I am not a prude. Nakedness does not gross me out. Sexiness is a part of life. I am a sexual being. And I think most people would admit that a woman’s body can be very appealing. Whether it is hard core porn or a Victoria’s Secret catalog – what you use for visual pleasure is your business. It is also your business what you chose to post on Facebook/Twitter. However, when you make it public – ya gotta expect a reaction.

This post is not directed towards one particular person. And it is not written out of animosity. Just as a discussion topic. Please take it for what it is worth.

I have quite a number of male friends/acquaintances who post mostly naked or porn-esque pictures, drawings and memes on a regular basis. This doesn’t make me dislike them or think they are perverted or weird. But it does make me contemplate some things.

Usually these men are single, liberal-ish and often speak of being lonely or complain about being alone or not being able to find “the right chic”. And it baffles why they wonder about their current circumstances. Not all of them, but some.

This is the most recent meme which sparked this post:

 

 

A comment on the post I thought was very poignant:

that meme mirrors the thinking and ideals of men in certain middle eastern countries (among other places) where women are abused, oppressed, objectified, and seen as possessions. not saying that was your specific intent.. to relay that type misogyny.. but consider your audience at times like these. some things are just not really funny, especially to women. you have to know there will be people that look at posts like this and think, “come on… wtf???” and will voice that response. 

you meant it as silly, im sure. its not silly or comical to a lot of others. 

I’m explaining, not attacking.

 

This was my comment:

Real men look at women as more than a dick holder.

Not to mention…if you meet someone who is in a real relationship and they tell you that it is never difficult…they are actually fucking a piece of furniture.

 

Say there is a guy who is smart, good looking, responsible…but he consistently posts things like this (btw, WHY do you people let your young kids on Facebook, again??)…I would have no interest in dating this dude. Never. Not that I am a big catch, either.

It is not just a photo of a sexy, beautiful woman. It is nothing but objectification. And for a guy to identify enough with the notion to post it…no thank you. Gross. I really don’t need to be a constant witness to your personal spank bank.

What bothers me even more is some of these guys claim to be feminists. They claim to appreciate women of all kinds, types, sizes.  Yet the only images they post are naked, size zero, triple Ds – women, whom if they actually existed in real life, would never give them the time of day.

Advice. Didn’t ask? Don’t care. How about you step into reality. Posting pics like this is not going to get you laid and certainly won’t help you find a mate. Stop comparing women to porn stars and animated sex pots. Start appreciating more than a set of tits and a J-Lo ass. Have a couple intelligent conversations with women who are not only sexy – but also witty, bright, successful, respectable and kind. You are not 20 anymore. And your gut isn’t exactly GQ material (again NOT directed towards a particular person…just this “type” in general).

Lube up for whatever you want. Post whatever you choose. But know that it will reflect upon your character and I know for a fact that some of these guys have characters worth much more than what they are displaying.

I enjoy feeling sexy from time to time. It is difficult the older I get. But I can still pull it off once in a while. And I appreciate being appreciated.  But there is more to us than a piece of ass. And if you find one who isn’t – you deserve what you ask for.

Little Miss Crabby Pants Shares a Video

So…it’s not so much a secret that I am pretty grumpy lately. I don’t know if there is some retrograde nonsense or if PMS has permanently set up camp in my brain or what. But I am just so demoralized and irritated and fed up with a lot all at once.

Anyway, I certainly need boosts of cheering up and reminders that not all humans totally suck ass. I mean,  I was actually considering, earlier, laying in bed all day watching kitten videos. So, when a friend posted the video below on Facebook, I was eager to watch.

Immediately, the shit-head in me makes note of the manipulative music, “How dare they try to make me feel something with this emotional melody. Those bastards.”

As I resist the urge of my welling eyes with the power of every throat muscle, I continued to watch.

A moment later, I scoffed and scrutinized the legitimacy of the video…I mean, what are the chances all these people were recording at exactly the right moments.  No way. I call bullshit.

Well, as it turns out, well over a million drivers in Russia have dash-cams. It is a measure to deter and catch police brutality. So, coincidence? Not so much. Okay, fine.

I was cheered up for about five minutes. Until I decided to pout because, in Russia, people help cats and ducks cross the road safely while in Wisconsin, people intentionally run down deer and torture horses.

(sigh)

Take a watch. Feel or don’t feel. Whatever. I don’t care. No one listens to me anyway. Everyone sucks.

(P.S. You don’t really suck. Well…maybe you do. Who knows. Point is, I am just throwing a tantrum. So watch the video and pay no attention to the whiner behind the curtain.)

 

Let Them Eat Ca…Wait…No Cake, Sorry.

I gave them an inch and they took a mile. Then they went on a high-speed chase and crashed the mother-fucking car. Yesterday, the Wisconsin Assembly passed a carton of busted intentions AKA AB110. This bill basically restricts the items a FoodShare recipient is allowed to purchase to a very specific list decided on by people like the bill’s lead sponsor, Rep. Dean Kaufert (R) (who happens to be an ex-potato chip sales guy). He and Popcorn Vos must have delicious meetings.

The reason I say that I gave them an inch…

Well, let’s start from the egg (but not a brown one!!!).

Years ago, I worked at a grocery store for about 5 minutes (well, maybe about 6 months tops). And I did, indeed, notice a significant amount of food stamp purchases going toward junk or luxury items. When I would check out a guy buying prime rib with his food stamps and beer with his cash – yes, it annoyed me. It annoyed me because I lived on chicken flavored ramen noodles for YEARS. And while I wasn’t always the most responsible employee (I quit that job so I could attend a Dead show) – until I decided to be a SAHM, I worked steady since the age of 14 and never received any governmental assistance. Why I felt I was in a place to decide what was a luxury for whom…who knows. I was young and prematurely bitter.

For a long time I have been suggesting major changes to our FoodShare program. Of course, I know very little and I often have to knock myself down from that tower of idealism. But I always wanted healthier food to be available and affordable to those living in poverty and the working poor. My attention was usually focused on fast food, however.  And I have written about some of this in the past.

I wrote this in 2010

I wrote this in 2011 for Patch

And I wrote this WAYYY back in 2005, which brings me to a funny story. I will preface this story by saying that Rep. Robin Vos can be pretty brilliant when he wants to be. He has been known as one legislator who is very on the ball when it comes to responding to his constituents. And back in the day (not sure about lately), he would usually make a phone call. I say this is brilliant because not only does it get him this reputation for being in touch with those in his district but there is also no paper trail. If there were – this story would be much more interesting.

Back when I wrote that blog in 2005, I also sent him a letter – suggesting a fast food tax in Wisconsin. He called me back from his cell phone while he was driving on a summer evening. He was very polite and explained to stupid little me that a tax on fast food would only harm the poorest in our state. That it would be punishing those we should be helping. Because we all know that the Wisconsin GOP lives and breathes to help our poor, right? RIGHT?? (crickets)

Hot Coffee  (hold the creamer)…

You need to watch this film. Everyone. Do it. It really illuminated just how manipulated we are by the powers that be through the media and desired legislation. I am not an intellectual. I don’t read every story that pops up in my newsfeed. And I was one of the blind followers who thought that suing McDonald’s over a hot cup of coffee was ridiculous. Why? Because the details were never in the cover story. Because the late night hosts were so funny with their drive thru one liners. Because I was lazy.

The political push towards tort reform by those such as Karl (barf) Rove lassoed the main stream media and big time PR manipulation took over. But fact is, we knew nothing. And we had no idea who was controlling the strings when it came to this old lady and her McDonald’s coffee.

I bring this up now because I was Hot Coffee’d when it came to this bill.

When I first heard about the proposal, I thought…well…it’s really not THAT awful. I mean, I knew that their intentions were not noble by any means and were certainly not out of concern for the health of others. But I, too, would like to find a way to make the Food Share program work in a more healthful way.

Parents make terrible food choices for their children all of the time. I almost died the first time I saw a mother pour Mt. Dew into her baby’s bottle. Rich parents make these choices just as often (perhaps even more so) as poor parents. But I figured, as long as the money is coming from tax payers – maybe we DO have a say in the choices that can have future consequences on a society.

My thinking wasn’t really out of line with past opinions such as the smoking ban or a push for healthier school lunches. I have no problem with “sin” taxes (they really gotta come up with better wordage on that one). In fact, I am waiting for the day when they legalize weed and tax the shit out of it.

But after learning more about what was REALLY in this bill…it has been proven once again that I was a lazy commentator.

This bill mandates that 2/3 of the Food Share allowance be spent on WIC approved foods only. So, to be fair, 1/3 can still be spent on other items. However, it should be understood that the monthly allotment for a family of 4 with a net income of around $1000 per month is about $365. That is about 30 bucks a week for 4 people to spend on something that is not on the WIC list. So if you NEED to provide your child with soy milk or gluten-free bread – that must come out of that $30 bucks a week.

And I don’t know about you, but my family of 4 spends about $200 per week on groceries. It is difficult to eat healthfully on much less than that.

Some things that are NOT allowed to be purchased…

Brown or free range eggs, soy or almond milk, gluten-free bread, frozen meals, soup, cheddar cheese (in WISCONSIN), any juice box that is NOT Juicy Juice brand, etc. So, if your child is allergic to cow’s milk…screw you. If you’re concerned about the treatment of animals…screw you. If you have celiac…screw you. If you chose to eat organically to avoid the toxins of pesticides and hormones…screw you. Older people who depend on a microwave for their meals…screw you too.

They could have put provisions in the bill to help cover lean meats, but no. They could have worked to provide a bill which could make local produce available through farmer’s markets, but again…no. This bill was not proposed with intention of helping people. It was designed to punish, to dictate and to make way towards future privatization. And all the while all of this session time and tax payer money is not only being flushed but is also plugging up the toilet.

Rep. Kaufert stated (about the bill), “It is widely popular. It’s one of those street or sidewalk issues where everyone has a story (about FoodShare problems).”

Well, Mr. Kaufert, have you ever watched the Jaywalking segment on Leno? I’d rather you didn’t decide on what to legislate based on what random people are bitching about on the street corner, thank you very much.

I should also mention that this likely will not amount to much. It is the feds who have the most say in how these funds are distributed. Also, grocers are already protesting the measure. Costs to implement and maintain such a strict remedy cannot be predicted but are expected to be very high and unreasonable. Computer systems will need to be changed at the cost of the store owners. How will this be policed? It certainly won’t be cheap.

Why not spend this time, money and energy in eliminating the fraud which taints these programs to begin with? Why fight First Lady Obama’s proposals for healthier school lunches while telling poor people what kind of cheese they can eat? Why stomp around complaining about smoking bans while you are trying to convince us that you give a shit about the health of our communities? This inauthentic,  hypocritical bullshit is so blatant that I don’t think they even try to hide it anymore.

Okay. I have blathered on long enough. There was much more I wanted to bitch about…but, once again, The Root River Siren beat me to it. So read that HERE. As for me…I am off to the grocery store, coupons in hand and carrying an ass load of gratitude that I don’t have to make my purchasing decisions based on the asshats in Madison. Not today, anyway.

**In full disclosure – yes…some Democrats DID indeed vote for this bullshit. It was not my intention to gloss over that nonsense. However, bloggers are out in full force (including the Siren’s post linked above) reporting on that piece of the pie. So, I didn’t bother to harp on it. I imagine that some of the Reps are voting according to the wishes of their loudest constituents. I just happen to believe that many of the more liberal/Dem-leaning voters have been hot coffee’d much like I was. And there weren’t enough of those who knew better to make noise BEFORE the vote. That is my only perceived explanation as to why on earth Dem Reps voted for this. I guess we will have to wait and hope they make some kind of statement as to their reasoning.

Mental Makeover: Let’s Get This Shit Started

“Mom just called. My nephew found his 30-year-old wife dead when he came home from work. Apparent heart attack. Life is precious and you never know when it will be taken from you. Live like you are dying.”

That is a recent Facebook update from a friend.

Last week my husband’s co-worker’s wife (in her early 40s, I believe) had a stroke and died shortly after. I was told she was in perfect health. She thought she had a bad headache, went for some Advil and collapsed.

Not long ago, a friend of a friend passed away after falling down a flight of stairs. She was also very young and full of life.

I just read a story today about a Lake County woman who was killed on her bike – on her 34th birthday.

In the past few weeks there have been an unusual number of 30, 40, 50 year-old people in the obits.

Well, this is not a new topic for me.  And yes, this is all giving me very heightened anxiety and REALLY fucking with my phobias. But I absolutely need to find a way to harness that fear and turn it into the energy and motivation it will take to improve my life. And by improving my life I mean changing my brain.

It is so easy for us to take tragedy and turn it into a lesson about living life to the fullest and reminding us how short life truly is. But those lessons fade fast as we get caught up in the monotony of our daily dramas and tired lifestyles.

When I think about the time I waste hating my body, looking for something to wear, fighting about money or worrying what other people do and say – I want to barf. There are days when I am brought to tears because of all my lost time, the fast rate at which life is rocketing by and the realization that I am likely closer to my death than I am to my birth.

My daughter has almost all of her adult teeth. My stepdaughter has entered “womanhood”. My tits are practically dragging on the floor. And I am typically in bed before 9pm. I am old. Everyone is getting old. The little girls whose diapers I changed will soon be changing diapers of new babies (well, not TOO soon – KNOCK ON WOOD).

I will never again hold a baby of my own. I will never again have the body of a 25-year-old. I will never bounce back from illnesses, injuries and hangovers the way I used to.  The days of random men checking me out are gone. The days of staying up all night are in the past. And I am even too old to try out for American Idol!!

These are the kind of stupid little things I obsess and depress about. These are things that take up my time and my mental energy. These are the thoughts that sap my emotions. And it needs to fucking stop.

I absolutely MUST find a way to be in the present. To be grateful for what I have and who I am. I need to somehow manifest the happiness for which I have always been searching. The fear must stop. The regret must stop. The guilt must stop. Life must begin.

Mirror Mirror…Screw You

Lately, it seems I can cry over the most benign shit. It is as though my PMS is not paying attention to the calendar whatsoever. When even reality television chokes me up, I know I am entering Hot Mess City. And lately, I am the friggin Mayor.

Last night, I came upon a video which lent itself as a perfect example of my emotional edginess. But in my defense, there have been many others with similar reactions. Take a watch and see how you respond…

If you have read my blog in the past, if you know me “in real life”, you know my annoying issues with self-image and self-esteem. Pretty much every where I go, I feel like the ugliest (or oldest or fattest or worst dressed) woman in the room. I compare myself to all the other women and insist they are better, smarter, prettier. Before an event or an evening out, I will try on 87 outfits and often end up in tears because EVERYthing makes me look “fat” and all my clothes are “hideous”.

I find myself daydreaming about the cosmetic surgeries I would have if I were rich and had the balls. I desperately want a breast reduction & lift, a chin implant, laser hair removal, veneers and skin resurfacing. If I wasn’t scared to death of surgery, I would also throw in liposuction, a butt implant and a nose job.

I am constantly on the look out for the latest weight loss tips, make up miracles and the non-existent perfect bra. And on those days when I actually do not hate the way I look…when I might have a smidgen of confidence…I will see a picture of myself or perhaps a reflection and I fall right back into that pit of grossness.

I have always been this way to some degree. But there is no doubt that it has gotten to a wretched level after having my daughter. Not to mention, I am now pushing 40 and everything is so much more difficult to maintain. I am having a very hard time aging – for many reasons, but aesthetics are a big one.

This insanity must stop. I do not want these girls growing up caring so much about how they appear. I don’t want them hyper focused on this crap. I want to be able to enjoy a day on the boat or a night on the town. I want so badly to be introduced to that sense of having true confidence. I have to fix this because I am damaging myself and worse, damaging the girls. I am the only one who CAN fix this. I have looked to others for that magical cure and they just don’t have it.

SOOOO…needless to say – this video hits close to home…big time, baby.

I shared the video with others, hoping to have some company in this cry baby fest of self loathing. And I lucked out in that apparently there are others who relate to this unhealthy and sad reality. But then…there was this gal named Michelle (shaking the Ralph Kramden fist) who had to go and ruin my new favorite commercial by posting THIS LINK. Go ahead…read it. Then return, okay?

You back? Sweet.

Obviously this blog provided me with further angst and I kinda wanted to punch the author. Not because she is wrong but because I am not sure how to defend my new favorite tear jerker. But I will try. Kinda.

There is no denying the lack of different ethnicities, of overweight women, of those with disabilities. That fact alone is disappointing considering the point they are claiming to make. The women who were sketched were not women society would consider ugly or unattractive. They were indeed naturally attractive women, by most accounts.

I will say that perhaps it was their intention to show women who are closer to the stereotype of what is socially considered beautiful. Maybe they wanted to show us that even these women…ones we may be envious of…also carry with them self-doubt. I dunno. Just a thought.

I was also bothered by an editing choice in this video. It was at the 5:40-ish mark. She says that ‘IT impacts everything.’ And it is edited to sound as though she is saying that our outer beauty is crucial to every aspect in life. But I believe it was originally intended to express that our SELF IMAGE is what is important. That was a terrible editing error. No doubt, scout.

I would like to think that Dove is not exploiting our insecurities while perpetuating the very bullshit that made us insecure to begin with. I would like to think that this company who sells deodorant, shampoo and soap is merely helping us be the best us we can be. And yes, part of that would encompass basic hygiene and grooming. I mean, let’s face it – there is nothing wrong with having some pride in our appearance and being clean. I would like to think all of this even if it makes me a tad naive.

And we can dissect the motivations and strategies of the Dove company until the big fat ugly cows come home. It doesn’t change the original message of the video. It doesn’t change the fact that it is touching some major nerves all over the world. It doesn’t change the reasons we feel this way.

If you watch the movie Miss Representation, you can learn a lot about how we got here and more frighteningly, where we are going.

We are constantly inundated with images, messages and suggestions telling us how we are SUPPOSE to look. Telling us that beauty is above all else. We are taught to be disappointed if we cannot live up to unrealistic goals. We compare ourselves to photo-shopped magazine covers and women drowning in botox and silicone. We are even made to feel guilty if we eat more than 1000 calories a day. And let’s not even get into how boys are taught to judge our beauty.

I don’t know how to correct 30-some years of wacky brain wiring. I don’t know how to even begin to change the way I view myself. It seems so daunting and honestly, impossible. But I must try because I am miserable.

I think my first step will be changing the way I take a compliment. I am embarrassingly HORRIBLE at it. I will almost always come back with some smart ass remark. I will devalue what was said and even try to convince the other person that they are wrong. I mean WHAT THE FUCK??!!  I am going to make a serious effort to simply accept the kind words and say thank you. Maybe once I get that down, I will work on actually absorbing those messages instead.

We have so much evolving to do. And as much as I would like to change society…I think I have to start with myself on this one.

Boston Bombings: The View from Here

OLB – Overpass Light Brigade – honors the victims in Boston

Sitting here on a chilly afternoon listening to the thundering downpour that is flooding my lawn has me feeling lazy with a bout of ADD. My mind is quickly jumping from one thing to the next, mixed up with a dichotomy f emotions and reactions. Boredom and fatigue with a side of guilt – a meal I will share for a moment.

(Initially I was going to share the whole meal…but after an art project, a book report and getting the kids ready for bed…I have decided to only share the main course at the moment. More to come later.)

Boston…a city I love. A word on the lips of most in these past days. The images of the brutally injured and the faces of those taken have left me feeling a toxic numbness which at times gives way to tears and hopelessness. It is yet another reminder that none of us are truly safe and that life is indeed fleeting and short.

On Sunday I took Kenzie shopping. We were talking about Boston – not really sure why. She asked me if it was my favorite city. And I said it was – I only wished it were warmer. The food, the ocean, the architecture  the history, the T, the shopping…what can I say – the place makes me happy. It may have something to do with my long time love of the show Cheers. In fact, in my wedding, I walked down the aisle to the Cheers theme song. For many reasons, I have always adored Bean Town.

Anyway, the conversation came about with eerie timing.

There are  no words I could say that haven’t already been said. The typical American citizen is feeling compassion, fear, disgust, confusion, worry…the list goes on. Sadly, what has also been expressed in the past two days is a lot of rage, presumption, panic and conspiracy.

I have seen some of the most asinine videos, reports and tweets. Muslims were blamed within the hour. Right wing fringe fanatics soon followed. And not long after, false flag accusations towards our government began to spread.

Here are a few of my thoughts I shared on Facebook the past couple days:

It is a terrible tragedy and my thoughts are with those I know and strangers alike. However, I am avoiding most media right now. It is creating nothing but assumptions and alarmism. I think discussion, compassion and some worry is healthy. But I also think some people need to calm the fuck down.

Some clarification a little later…

This should not be taken as though I am minimizing this tragedy. I am not nor have ever claimed there was no terrorism in the world (sadly, often times it is our bombs creating the bloodshed). I made the mistake of looking at some photos from the marathon. They will be forever burned into my mind. Just as every moment of 911. 

I simply think that much like in the clip above…we have turned into this fear mongering and fear obsessed society. And it makes many of us do and think bad things. And it allows really greedy and manipulative people to cause even further damage just by exploiting that fear. 

I already have been reading comments about how we need to kill these “Arab” terrorists. Or how this is why we should all be armed. People seem so certain they know the who, what and why and truth is – they don’t really know shit. 

So, yes. Calm the fuck down. Hold your kids, love your family and live as though the sun will continue to rise tomorrow because chances are – it will. Planning revenge, building arsenals, preparing the bunker…those people do nothing but perpetuate all that is fucked up with this country. 

(stepping off soapbox…for now)

PS…just yesterday I had a long conversation about Boston with my stepdaughter. Told her about the times I have been there, my family and friends who live there and how it is one of my most favorite places in the world. Today really did break my heart. But I need to step back, stop absorbing all the toxicity and be sensible. That is how I chose to handle this.

And then the next day after seeing far too much ridicudonk bullshit all over social media:

Holy hell people. You don’t know if the bomber is a Muslim or a right-wing nut job. You claim already that it is a government conspiracy? You all sound like a bunch of tin foil hat wearing morons. You are not the star of some Michael Bay movie. You are not working for the FBI. You look nothing like a Matt Damon character. So please, for the love of cheeseburgers…STFU!!!

I think that pretty much covers how I feel about that right now. And of course, along with that and above anything else – my heart breaks for those who have lost and who have had to face such life altering terror.

I would also like to share something that Patton Oswalt wrote after the bombings. I have been a big fan of his for many years. Just love his comedy and politics. And I thought his sentiments were so spot on and brilliant.

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, “Well, I’ve had it with humanity.”

But I was wrong. I don’t know what’s going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.

But here’s what I DO know. If it’s one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we’re lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in a while, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they’re pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We’d have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”

 

From Abstinence to Addict

The summer of 2000 I became slightly addicted to, what I think, was the 1st season of Survivor. It was my first modern day reality television show (not counting Star Search or Dance Fever because those were from the stone age) and I swore it would be my last. Yet another example of my lying to myself or simply not realizing what kind of ridiculous, enticing crap would be to come in the following decade.

It was about 7pm and I realized the season finale was about to begin. I went into panic mode. Not because I forgot to set the DVR (there was no DVR) but because I was floating in the middle of the Caribbean and I wasn’t sure how I would find network television. I was on a cruise for my brother’s wedding and being single, I was pretty much on my own for most of the trip. It was glorious. And because of that, luckily, I had no witnesses to my frantic search for a stupid television show in the middle of fucking paradise.

After checking the room, the various lounges and lobbies…I finally found a pub with cable. Cable? Whatever. I caught the very end while I ordered yet another Jack and Coke (I couldn’t take another rum concoction). I vowed I would never watch another reality program again. I mean, I could see being obsessive about something worthwhile…like Sopranos or Ally McBeal. But Survivor? Please. I claimed temporary insanity.

For years I proudly bragged that I had never watched an episode of The Bachelor or Dancing with the Stars. There was no way I would watch Real World or even American Idol. Yes, I was cool. I didn’t watch talent-less crap. I was a TV snob and I was better than that. For about five friggin minutes.

Eventually everyone started talking about Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay and Bethenny Frankel. I became fixated on plastic, rich women and cooking competitions. I loved watching dance offs and designing contests. Even the fighting, bickering and personal tragedies sucked me in. And I was quiet about it for a while. Totally in the closet; ashamed of my assimilation.

Now my DVR (best. invention. ever.) is filled with random people who do and say crazy ass nonsense. And it entertains me. I admit it. I love this shit. And I am fully aware of the societal ills it is helping perpetuate. I even recognize how it fucks with my own self image (comparing my body to those on Real Housewives, for example). It wastes time. And often contributes nothing worthwhile to anyone.

But sometimes it does. I have basically learned how to cook – and cook well. I now know how to apply makeup and which clothes look best for my body type. I have been shown that money and beauty do not equal happiness. And some of these shows actually do have altruistic qualities like Home Makeover or Undercover Boss. Many raise money for charity and some may help one realize that it isn’t always better on the other side of the fence. Aside from my own attempts at justification – there truly is SOME merit to SOME of these shows.

I will continue to boast never having watched any Bachleor-esque or Jersey Shore-ish types. But I will admit that this is my first season of Dancing with the Stars. I just simply couldn’t miss Andy Dick doing the cha-cha.

Bend Over Villagers; We’re Screwed

Needless to say, Mount Pleasant is an absolute calamity. It has become an embarrassment to the point where it isn’t even laughable anymore. Everyone I know is completely confused about whom to vote for on April 2nd. And it sure isn’t because there is such an impressive pool from which to chose, it is because once again we must chose the least worst on the ballot. And the stories coming out of the Village are becoming so outrageous that I am not sure I can vote in those races at all.

All of the below information and opinions are after reading many articles, doing quite a bit of research and investigating, speaking to those in the know and attending the candidate forum last week.

Mark Gleason is running for Village President and has been a County Supervisor for 10 years. And he would remain on the County Board even if he wins this election – placing him on both boards. This, in itself, doesn’t pass my sniff test. I think this has the opportunity to create a major conflict of interest. Sure, it could benefit our Village. But that is assuming loyalties will always lie with the Village and not the County. And lets face it – he has been with the County for a friggin’ decade.

The County Board WANTS to have friends on the Village Boards and City Council. And vice-versa. They work together a lot. And the more friends they have the more votes will go in their favor. Nope, I don’t like it.

Also, I see Gleason signs all over Tea Party lawns. NOW, this doesn’t necessarily mean anything (ie. Eperjesey for School Board also has signs in many TPer yards and he is not a TPer). But you just have to wonder.

Karen Albeck has been on the Village board since 2009 and is now running for Village President. Never knew much about her prior to this election. I do know that she used to be a teacher and from what I have heard/read, she leans Democrat. Yes, I realize this is a non-partisan position…but come on…nothing is non-partisan anymore and you know it.

I have heard some iffy stories about her personality from her teaching days. The accounts weren’t very positive. However, I agreed with all of her answers at the forum and believe her views are more aligned with mine. My plan has been to vote for her for these reasons and because I will not vote for Gleason.

But after reading a few recent articles, I am not sure that I can vote for her either. Read THIS and THIS - it is clear that she cannot be on the same board with Sonny Havn, who is running for Trustee. So it has to be him or her. But not both. There is no way they can clean up the mess they have created if they continue with this sand throwing. I believe the entire board behaves worse than my daughter’s 2nd grade class. And the contention between the members is wasting tax payers money and the board’s time.

Albeck claims she didn’t write the anonymous letter accusing Havn of ethics violations. But it is clear she played a part in it’s creation and delivery. To me, this is sneaky and inauthentic. If she really believes this to be true she should be standing up and saying so. Not collaborating with someone else to write an anonymous letter with no proof. I don’t like sneaky. Be who you are. Speak your truth. People may not like ya for it – but they will respect you. And that building is in dire need of respectability.

Sonny Havn. Oh, Sonny. He is running to keep his spot as Trustee. And up until yesterday, he and Albeck were the only two I knew I’d be voting for.

Now, I just don’t know. It is being said that Havn has been having this affair with a now retired staffer. I do not know if this “affair” took place during his marriage or if the woman is married. Honestly, I don’t care. We don’t know what goes on in a personal partnership or behind closed doors. Who someone chooses to sleep with or spend time with is of no concern to me.

It is also said that during this “affair” (which I have not heard Havn deny or admit), Havn voted on matters regarding pay and such for this staffer. If he indeed was in a personal relationship with her, he could have and should have recused himself from the vote.

Now, how much of this story is true, I really couldn’t say. But I tend to forgive what I consider to be “human” indiscretions over outright greedy or malicious indiscretions. If this is a legitimate claim, yes, he should not have made those votes. Is it the worst thing I have heard? No.

But clearly Albeck and Havn cannot work together. I don’t even think Dr. Phil could reconcile these two. And that is a shame because they both seem to follow the same path in governing. It sounds like they want the same things. So, who should go? Him or her? Thoughts??

John Hewitt is running for Trustee. Even though it is known that Hewitt leans Republican, I found his answers to be fairly sane during the forum. I was quite taken aback and pleased when he stated,

“Taxes are necessary to the proper tuning of the government at all levels.”

Very rarely do you hear a local politician admit that taxes are  essential to running a government. They are and people need to face it and stop trying to keep their elected positions with promises of low, low taxes. I also agree with his desire to better fund and supply the Fire Department which isn’t currently being done appropriately (ambulances breaking down with patients in them is NOT a good thing).

I would, to this day, still urge voting for Hewitt. My only issue with him came after the forum when he was quite rude to a friend of mine who is a well known progressive in our area. Before he even knew what she was going to say, as she approached him, he was snappy and mean. And funny thing is, we were both planning on voting for him despite his political leanings. I just have a hard time voting for dickheads. So, I am still unsure. 

David DeGroot is running for Trustee. I made my decision about DeGroot a while back after reading THIS. Dude is Tea Party and I could never in good conscience vote for a RWNJ. A Republican? Yes. I could. But this guy is no Republican.

His answers in the forum and in interviews have been too vague and rehearsed - it would be difficult to really respond to them.

I have also heard that, as a landlord, he has issues. It might be a good idea to take a look at his properties to see how well they are maintained. Same for the other landlord candidates (I believe Gleason and Haackma are also rental property owners).

I also know a neighbor of his and he just basically sounds like a total douche. But I will keep those stories to myself.

Ronald Molnar is another County Board Supervisor and he is running for Trustee. He, too, would keep his County position. So, everything I said about Gleason can also be said about Molnar. I don’t like the conflict of interest. I think it stinks and it’s dangerous.

Molnar is also very clearly about lower taxes. I cannot trust anyone who makes that their political baby. When I hear “lower taxes” and “business” over and over again, I start to really wonder about true motivations.

Then there is also the sexual harassment issue. You can read about it HERE. Again, how much is true…I don’t know. But it doesn’t look good considering it wasn’t the only issue he had while in that position. I do not like to use personal issues against a candidate. Partly because we never know the whole story and because charges and even convictions can be false. Anyone can accuse anybody of anything. I know that better than anyone. But if you are running for office, it is my belief that you should make you case known. It sucks. Believe me, it sucks nuts. But you have to defend yourself or people will think the worst.

Steve Herek is running for Trustee. Steve is a nice guy. An average Joe and not a politician. He is also a Walker backer and really likes his guns. And he was certainly not ready for this race. He should be thanking his stars if he loses because that Village will eat him alive.

He was simply not prepared for this run. And he definitely was not prepared for the world of politics. He was at a clear disadvantage because he is going up against guys who have been doing this for many years. Many of whom are retired and don’t have a 40 hour work week to contend with.

Steve is pissed at the Village because he got some bullshit runaround when it came to his putting up a pole barn. And I commend him for wanting to get involved. But ya gotta kinda play in the sandbox for a little while before just jumping in the hole and burying yourself.

He has voted twice in the past 8 years. I don’t think he is made for the world of politics. But if I am wrong, perhaps now he can start learning the basics and build up some contacts and experience before another attempt.

Chuck Haakma is running for Trustee. According to The Journal Times,

“If he had his druthers, Haakma would put a hold on the Pike River project, work to freeze or lower property taxes, and cut some positions’ salaries.”

Umm yea. I am just not thinking that those are appropriate or reasonable priorities at this time. The municipalities and cities have been gutted thanks to Scott Walker and cronies. And because that, services – VITAL SERVICES – are hurting. This is not the time to promise a tax freeze.

TJT also reported,

“On the topic of the chief of police, Haakma said he isn’t comfortable seeing someone in law enforcement serve as village administrator, equating Tim Zarzecki, who is temporarily performing both administrator and police chief duties, to Fidel Castro because he’s holding multiple government positions.”

Obviously, I agree with this. But comparing him to Castro?? Seriously??? Yea, that is a GREAT attitude to have walking into a new board. NOT.

During the forum he also came off as a hot head and that is the last thing that circus needs.

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As you can see, the average Mount Pleasant voter will not have an easy, clear cut decision next Tuesday. My husband is insisting that I should spend the weekend doing doors and run as a write-in. As my friend (another MP resident) said, “I don’t know if that is a totally stupid idea or a totally brilliant idea. I literally can’t tell anymore.”

Obnoxious Whiny Blog…I’m Sorry

Well, I haven’t written a whiny update in quite a while and I was thinking I really shouldn’t keep depriving y’all like that. What a jerk I have been. So…here ya go. And this is one of those particularly obnoxious whines…it’s about my big fat belly. Yay for you!!

I suppose it isn’t so odd to be thinking about my weight and body soon before swimsuit/boating/being in public with other humans season. But like with most things, occasional thinking turns into obsessive torture. And when I say torture…I don’t just mean my own. Anyone around me at these moments are victims of my pathological levels of  insecurity.

“Well just stop!”

“You look fine for your age.”

“Who cares what other people think.”

“You’re not that fat.”

Yea. These won’t work for me. In and out of therapy since the age of 14 and I don’t have it fixed by 38 (actually, 39 next week….Christ) so it likely just isn’t gonna happen.

One night, during a retreat last month, I was wrestled to the ground, thrown into a van and forced to bar hop all night long. (I still have not recovered. Ouch.) While out that night it was mentioned several times that I looked much younger than my age…was told by a 24 year old kid that I was “really hot for 40″. But instead of taking anything positive away from that experience…I just left feeling old and insulted.

Last weekend was Charlie’s birthday and a few pictures were taken. When I left the house, I felt ok about myself. I had a new outfit. And killer shoes (seriously, my toes are still numb). But once I saw that first picture, all I could think about was how awful I looked. My mood instantly changed. Much of it was because I was having a really BAAAAD hair day. But it was also my face, my body, my posture, my boobs…I mean, things I can do very little about.

What do I see? My eyes are too close together, my nose is huge and crooked, I have no chin (this is honestly something I have been self conscious about forever and whenever I have enough money for an implant, I am getting it), I have many scars and spots on my skin, my veins are really noticeable and dark, my boobs are just unruly and out of control (another surgery I would really love to have), my stomach…just the worst….all of my weight goes to my middle, I have NO ass and NO hips and my hair is super fine and thin and impossible to style.

This is what I see every goddamn time I look in the mirror. And I am absolutely sick of it. I said a few years ago after a trip to the water park…of all the women there whom I felt jealousy towards, I was far more jealous of the big huge lady hanging out of her bikini splashing around without a care than I was of all the skinny perfect bitches. What I wouldn’t give to just not give a shit!!!

These past few months I have been pretty lame about my diet and exercising. And I have gained a few. Luckily I have been able to keep those lost 30 lbs for the past few years. But these last 10-15…it just gets so daunting that I give up. Nothing pisses me off like giving up all my favorite foods and starving myself  without the benefit of visible results (and yes, at 1200 calories I still feel like I am starving because I am a mental case who obsesses about food).

I would really like to lose at least 7 lbs before summer. I am just dreading making that effort again. Especially since I will probably still feel crappy about the way I look. (sigh)

ALRIGHT!!! This whining session is over. I release you back into the world of normal…

Low Parental Standards #241

In the past week or so, this note from a father to his son has gone viral over social media:

The story can be seen HERE.

Also making headlines this past week was THIS story about Republican Senator, Rob Portman, and the reversal in his stance regarding gay marriage – after learning his son was homosexual.

Don’t get me wrong – reading that note above brought tears to my eyes…and I shared the photo like many before me. There is no denying that it is extremely touching.

However, I feel this dichotomy within my sensibilities right now because while I feel these parents should be commended so that more parents feel supported in doing the same – I also have this resentment about applauding people for something they SHOULD be doing anyway.

It reminds me of this clip from Chris Rock (at the 2:15 mark):

(man, imagine any other comedian getting away with some of this humor today…the PC police would go fuckin’ nuts)

But seriously, it is just so pathetic that in this day and age we feel the need to congratulate people for loving their children. We are SUPPOSE to love our kids. Their sexuality should never play a role in that. It is so sad that I get all blubbery because a dad loves and accepts his gay son. There should be no other reaction. Period. We have all turned into a bunch of low expectation havin’ mother fuckers, dontcha think??